I like the idea, but it could be neater, alot of the lines are too thick and then too thin, thin your paint more and dont be afraid to use things like masking tape,rulers ,pencils etc, most of all practice on paper, free hand is hard but get easier with practice.
I have done similar on my World Eaters rhino, and it does look quite cool. I think that the outer lines do need some work but all in all it looks nice! Well done.
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