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Defenses are thin and body count is low. We assume that their (should be they are) out and about in your area."

Scout language is good I liked this, though be careful to read through your dialogue and make sure it reads properly.

Names are important - Harold - not interesting enough. You want to have your reader gripped by the strangeness, the alien feeling of the world or story your creating, an excellent way to do this is with names.

The chance they had with this was too good to miss, so they must move(d - remove this 'd') quickly. - Watch your tenses.

Stains of blood painted the walls and ground, like as one would dump water onto a concrete floor. The men moved about with precaution, checking all shacks and havens to see if there was any signs of life. Nothing was to be found; the place was left as a ghost town. - your writing is a bit weird here, first 'like as one would' this is too clunky and the grammar doesn't work.

I only managed to crit half your story but I found it interesting but plagued with grammar problems. It is really important that you read over your work when you finish to make sure it makes sense.

I hope this helps! Keep plugging away, I'll definitely keep reading.
 
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