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Making Vidya Games
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So this thread is basically short stories of characters that I might use in up coming work.
Short bios can be found in the spoiler tag.


Mulla Xul
The Great Abomination

Haliaeetus and his fellow Ravens sat patiently in the dark of the woods, waiting for the reports of the scouts to return. Such an area infested with orks was not to be taken lightly, for even an ounce of clumsiness can turn the favor of the mission towards the orks. Haliaeetus continuously checked the area with his personal scanner, ever alert for his recon squad to return. He was a patient man, but the length of their absence worried him. But to his relief, the scouts returned from the brush.

"Sir, we have found the location ork encampment. Its coordinates are 46 degrees north from here at a distance of four miles. The area of the encampment stretches a a quarter a mile in diameter, with an additional twenty feet in clearing. Defenses are thin and body count is low. We assume that there out and about in your area."

Haliaeetus listened to the report, paying close attention to the details. The chance they had with this was too good to miss, so they must moved quickly. Moving through the shadows of the trees, they quietly proceeded towards the given coordinates. They reached the ork fort, matching the exact destcription of the report. Haliaeetus signaled the assault marines to activate their jump packs, while ordering the support squad to stay put. With his lightning claw stretching out, he ordered the marines to strike. The jump packs screamed in the air, as the assualt squad flew above the fort. The marines crashed into the ground, ready to strike the orks . But to their surpise, the fort was empty. All they found was debris, blood and ravanged vehicals. Rather than assuming that no one was here, the marines slowly crept around camp, checking to see if this was a counter ambush. Still, they found nothing. Haliaeetus called in his support squad, lest they be abmushed by the orks.

"Men, I suppose that our sheer presence has scared the orks to the point of withdrawl." Haliaeetus joked.

The marines chuckled at the little joke, but this moment was broken by a gibbering noise behind them. The marines without hesitation, whisked around ready for combat. From behind a crushed tank lept out a twisted creature. Its head was split in two, with teeth crowing around the rim as if it was a giant mouth. One of the arms was a elongated scythe, while the other was a massive claw. It's torso was covered with pointless spider like legs, twitching and moveing. The marines stood in awe and disgust by this foul abomination as it ran towards them. The support squad unleashed their bolters upon the creature. The rounds did not even phase the insane spawn's approach. The assault marines charged forward, hacking and slashing at the menace. But the hacked limbs immedietly mutated, sprouting legs and stingers. Their attacks simply made the situation even messier. Fianlly, one of the support marines brought to bear a flamer, cleansing the small group of grotesque beasts. The creatures shrieked in pain as they died from the heat. They all stood their in silence, trying to piece together on what just happened.

"What kind of sick and twisted life form is this?" One of the marines said slowly.

Haliaeetus moved closer to the charred remains of the beast. He studied the limb spawns and then the main torso. He could reconize the shredded cloathing and chunky metal parts on the legs, which appeared to be untouched by what appeard to be mutation.

"Men. I believe we have found the fate of the green skins here." Haliaeetus said as he crushed the head of the creature with his boot.

"Is the mission a failure or a success then?" One of the marines asked.

"I dont think the mission is a failure... In fact, I think we have more important matters on our hands now. Itherius, call cental command on The Shadow Hawk and order them to bring a inquisitor here. Mabey with their help we could figure out this... this out break." Haliaeetus said.

"Why should we worry about this? Its only happening to the orks, for all we know this out break of whatever it is could be is purging them!" Suggested another marine.

"Im going to play it safe and say that this mutation can spread to humans. If it does, then we must stop it at all costs, for a mass out break of this on any Imperial planet can be disaterous. Titernos, call for a thunder hawk, we should probably regroup on HQ to better understand this problem before any hasty actions.

The men began their withdrawl. The marines pushed aside the rubble and debris to make room for the thunder hawk, while the support squad stood guard. Haliaeetus, out of pure curiousity, checked his personal scanner. His eyes grew wide at the results that the scanner was picking up. A large red dot was moving towards their postion... fast.

"MEN, WE HAVE COMPANY!" Haliaeetus screamed.

The marines loaded their guns and reved up their chanswords. All eyes were focused on the open gate. It wasn't too long before they felt the foot steps of something large... very large. The sound of breaking trees began to grow louder as the object moved closer. Haliaeetus turned his power claws back on, ready to strike at whats to come. They were not prepared for what they saw.

A massive creature burst through the forest, drooling and foaming at the mouth. It stood on two hideously mutated clawed legs, covered with feelers and cuts. Its massive torso was plagued with warts and random eyes, while where its abdomen would be, was replaced by a massive mouth that opened sideways. In its right hand it held a blade of disturbing design, with pus and blood dripping from it. The other hand, however, was much more distorted. Its fingers were slimy tentacles that move in a insane manner, while its palm is another gaping mouth, drooling for prey. But the thing that disturbed the marines the most was it's head. It appeared like that of a extended sea anemone, with two emotionless eyes on the side, close to its mouth which is ringed with feelers. Its throat, covered in teeth, gnawed on the remains of some earlier prey.

Haliaeetus stood his ground. The massive monster stuck fear into the hearts of all of the marines, but even so, Haliaeetus order to attack. The assault marines lunged in with their chainswords held high. Every strike did nothing, and even those who pierced it's flesh, watched the wounds heal back within a heartbeat. The creature did not idle. It grabbed two marines and swallowed them whole with its stomach mouth, chewing the poor men like gum. It's tube like head extended down, devouring another marine. The assault squad was dwindling fast. From ten marines, only one survived. The man retreated back to Haliaeetus, his arm badly damaged by the monster's blade. But the marine watched in agony and horror as the wound began to fester. The arm fell off, violently whipping around as if it tried to escape the armor it was incased in. It broke out of the armor and violently began to mutate. Spider legs sprouted from the forearm as the fingers turned into barbed whips, pus spilling out of the areas that it sprouted from. The bloody end grew teeth and gaped at the marine, hissing with ferocity. The thing lunged at him, ripping his throat out.

Haliaeetus was the only one left with a melee weapon. The others were blasting away at the creature with their bolters, seemingly doing nothing to the monster. Haliaeetus had no choice but to sacrifice himself for the safety of his men. He ordered the men to cease fire so he could be the main distraction. With a large inhale, he charged at the creature, slicing whatever chunk of flesh that he ran into. Fighting fanatically, he was blind to the fact that he was doing no damage at all. He was snatched by the creatures fingures, lifted off the ground and held in the air. He looked in the air, seeing the thunder hawk comming to their position. The rest of the marines began to load into the ship. He succeeded in saving his men. But this moment of accomplishment was destroyed when he looked into the monster's massive mouth. He felt the outside feelers smothering him in slime as he was slowly dropped into the abomination's mouth.


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Defenses are thin and body count is low. We assume that their (should be they are) out and about in your area."

Scout language is good I liked this, though be careful to read through your dialogue and make sure it reads properly.

Names are important - Harold - not interesting enough. You want to have your reader gripped by the strangeness, the alien feeling of the world or story your creating, an excellent way to do this is with names.

The chance they had with this was too good to miss, so they must move(d - remove this 'd') quickly. - Watch your tenses.

Stains of blood painted the walls and ground, like as one would dump water onto a concrete floor. The men moved about with precaution, checking all shacks and havens to see if there was any signs of life. Nothing was to be found; the place was left as a ghost town. - your writing is a bit weird here, first 'like as one would' this is too clunky and the grammar doesn't work.

I only managed to crit half your story but I found it interesting but plagued with grammar problems. It is really important that you read over your work when you finish to make sure it makes sense.

I hope this helps! Keep plugging away, I'll definitely keep reading.
 

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Making Vidya Games
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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Acheron​


"Are the sacrifices ready?!"

"We... we are almost done... just another moment's worth my lord!"

The Sorcerer watched the twisted little man scuttle back into the other room, preparing the captives for the grand ritual. He was annoyed by these small setbacks caused by his incompetent servants, but that matter not to him. In his hands was the fable tome that he spent all of his life searching for, a tome that is sought after by many. But now it was his and his only. Such power in his hands brought joy as he was excited to use it, but yet, the sorcerer knew that he should be patient. Such a rare and forgotten book of power needs to be read and analyzed before any use, for a misuse of the book could be disastrous. But that time of work passed, and now he was ready for a special summoning. Out of all of the incantations, he had chosen to perform a much warned ritual; the summoning of a forgotten demon. The passages described the creature as intelligent enough to rival some of the greatest minds, strong enough to take on thirty men and durable enough to take a plasma shot directly into the face without being phased. Such descriptions were too good to be true for such a servant.

"ARE THE SACRIFICES READY?!" The sorcerer yelled again.

The small slave limped out of the room.

"Yes my lord! They are ready!" He said fearfully.

"Bring them out!"

A terminator dragged out two captives, a Cannoness and Farseer. Blind folded, they cursed and yelled as they vainly tried to escape. Another marine came close and wrapped them in chains to further reduce their pointless struggle. Both were thrown on the ground, hitting the cold floor that was crusted in blood. The terminator and the marine held them in place as the sorcerer was about to begin, but he changed his mind.

"Usually I don’t give out last minute speeches, but to be a grateful person, I would like to thank you for lending your bodies for this. I couldn't have done this without you two, for you see, it requires two people of greater importance than the average plebian to do this... and you two happen to fit the slot!" The sorcerer said sarcastically, grinning with evil. "Now then... Let us begin!"

The two of them screamed out in desperation, amusing the sorcerer who cheerfully spoke the words. The ancient language began to do it's work, as the cannoness and farseer began to twist and bend at odd and insane angles. Sounds of bones breaking and screams echoed the room, entertaining the marines standing by. Blood started to pour out of every pore on the two sacrifices, as the summoning continued. It wasn't till the end that the signs of success where shone. Both bodies exploded in a symphony of gore as a creature rose from the remains, thrashing about as to shake off the blood and organs. The sorcerer looked at the page, wiping it off with a rag from all of the spilt blood.

"I say, what a messy little ordeal!" The sorcerer joked.

He looked up to see his accomplishment. There stood in front of him was a tall demon, built for war. Its scaly skin was black tinted with red and its alligator-wolf like head bore two horns that curled like a ram's. Spikes ranged down the back and all the way to his reptilian tail. It's clawed legs and muscular body showed the sorcerer that this demon was something to be feared. The sorcerer clapped his hands with joy.

"IT WORKED! Yes! Finally we have a servant that would actually help us against the Iron Warrior across the mountains..." He said, glaring at the two marines as if they were incompetent. "Now then, I don’t know if you can understand my words, but you now serve me. So, for your first task I demand that you bring the head of warsmith Agath. With him gone, dealing with the rest of his men would be no problem."

The demon snarled as he heard those words. It looked side to side as it checked out the terminator and marine, eyeing their corrupted power armor and weaponry, something familiar but foreign to its memory. But what caught its attention the most was the tome that the sorcerer held so dearly in his hands. Within a heartbeat, It snatched the tome away from the sorcerer, causing surprise and confusion.

"By the Gods, what are you doing!" The sorcerer said surprised.

The demon flipped through the book, looking at every page until it stopped at page the sorcerer used. It read all of the work, the words, and the footnotes, chuckling along as it read. When it was done, the demon threw the book back, laughing hysterically at him. It unraveled a large grin at the sorcerer, who now looked at him with concern.

"I SERVE NO ONE!" It screamed.

The demon let itself loose. It lunged at the marine to the right of it, ripping its throat out with it's sharp teeth. The terminator came behind and grabbed it's arm, seeing if he could break it. The demon turned around and tossed him to the floor. He grabbed the terminator's head and ripped it out, with the spinal cord still attached. The sorcerer panicked. He stepped back, thinking off the top of his head for some sort of spell that could bind the creature. But before he could mutter a single syllable, the demon had him by the throat. It squeezed the conjurer's neck, slowly suffocating him, until he dropped dead. The cultist, who watched in the corner, whimpered in fear. The demon, unlike the others who it had slain, wanted to have some fun. It grabbed the wretched man, and like a discus, threw him out of the cathedral window, watching him as he fell to his death. But these actions did not go unnoticed. The commotion was loud enough that it stirred the marines outside, moving into the cathedral to see what was going on. The demon however, had other plans more important than dealing with these marines, namely escaping to freedom. But before it left, a spark of curiosity got the best of the creature. The weapons that the marines wielded grabbed its attention, curious of their design and purpose. Time was short though, so it snatched the storm bolter from the dead terminator and disappeared into the wild.

Deep into the mountains, the demon rested there. Finally alone, the demon examined the storm bolter as it wanted to. Silently it was amazed at this technology. He held it in his palm, just like the terminator did, pointing at the surrounding landscape unaware of its true nature. It wasn't till it pulled the trigger that it found the purpose of this piece of technology. Two bolts exploded out of the barrel, flying to a dead tree. They exploded on impact, turning the tree into pulp. Such destruction and power amazed the demon. It pulled the trigger several more times, devastating the area around. Intrigued by the projectile that the gun fires, the demon unloaded the clip. It pulled out a bolt and analyzed it. Looking at the bolt did not satisfy its curiosity, so it peeled apart the shell. The complexity of the bolt amazed the demon in such a fashion that it wanted to learn more about all of this new technology. Remembering the sorcerer’s words, the demon decided to move towards the location of the Iron Warriors, eager to see more weaponry.

After a day’s journey, the demon found their encampment. A large fortress stood in the middle of a dead valley, surrounded by trenches, barriers and tank traps. The demon moved quietly through all of these obstacles with problem. It scaled the wall and laid low on the top of one of the keeps. There it watched the marines practice fire on targets, dueling with power weapons and forging new arms and armor. All of this drove the demon crazy as it desired all of this technology of destruction. It leaned to the side, peering down over the edge of the keep to see one marine stand in guard. The demon slowly moved down the wall, coming ever closer to its target. Within a blink of an eye, the demon jumped down and snapped the marine's neck from behind. It slowly let the body hit the floor, and robbed him of his chainsword. The demon squeezed the trigger and watched with delight to see the teeth spin like crazy.

"Durggoth! Whats that shit noise over there?!"

Its cover was blown. But rather than hiding, the demon stepped forward and confronted the marine that came to investigate.

"What the fuck are you!?"

The demon waited not one second. It smote off the marines head, watching the body hit the floor with a thud. It looked at the chainsword and found a new liking to it. The sound of the collapsed dead body attracted even more suspicion. Two more marines showed up to see what the commotion was, but the demon delivered the same fate. Both marines were slain effortlessly. One of the dead bodies rolled off the wall. It hit the ground with a large thud, splattering mud as it crashed. That caught the whole attention of the camp.

"INTRUDERS! OPEN FIRE!" Screamed a marine as he pointed to the demon.

The Iron Warriors unleashed hell upon the demon, but it maneuvered all of their shots. The demon jumped down directly into the main court yard, disrupting the marines. Like fire on dry grass, the demon slashed and hacked all that stood in it's way. The Iron Warriors fought back, but in the end they were slaughtered by the demon's hand. Finally, the only one who stood left was the Iron Smith. Though intimated by the demon's poweress, the Iron Smith stood forward anyway, addressing the creature as it was inferior to hide his fear.

"You what disturbs me the most about you? Is that you lack any form of planning. Sure you disposed the few men that have safe guarded this place, but the sad truth is that my entire force is back on route! And you know what? You make an awfully nice trophy to show everyone when they return... but, I’m afraid that I will have to dispose you first before I can enjoy using your skull as a pauldron!"

The war smith charged with his claw raised, screaming as he approached. The demon knew it was out classed with it's chainsword, but had a trick up its sleeve. As the war smith closed in, the demon threw the chainsword. The butt of the sword smacked the smith in the face, phasing him as to figure out what just happened. Before he realized it, the demon was right in front of him, two inches from his face.

"How... how did you come here so quic-"

Before the mighty warrior could finish, the demon bite his face off, leaving only bone and some muscle tissue left. It then ripped the Iron Smith's breast plate open, leaving an exposed chest. The demon grinned as it tore the smith's heart out, holding the fading organ in it's hand.

"This... this shall make a fine trophy!" The demon snarled in delight.

As it thought that everyone was dead, a cough was heard behind. The demon whipped around to see a dying marine, clutching its stomach as he slowly bleed to death. The demon slowly walked up to the dying man, grinning with delight as to find another survivor for kill.

"Who... who are you?.." Moaned the space marine.

The demon grabbed him by the collar, raising him to eye level.

"I... I am Acheron..."

The demon tossed the marine in the air and round house kicked him in the face, instantly killing him from the blow. With everyone dead in the fortress, the demon was all alone. Yet, this was a golden opportunity. It began to search around the fortress, looking in the garages, barracks, and command quarters to find anything useful that it would need. Nothing caught its eye until it stumbled upon the armory. Upon entering, the demon looked on with joy as it saw all the weaponry available. Rows upon rows of guns, melee weapons, and heavies were all to the demon's picking. But the thing that got his attention the most was the forge in the back. There sat a massive black furnace that glowed red from the dying embers. Stacks upon stacks of raw metals, yet to be converted into anything, sat next to the massive forge. The demon took pleasure at analyzing all of the resources at its disposal, taking its time without any worries. But what made the demon glee with joy was a suit of armor hanging on the wall. There it was, a tactical dreadnaught suit, just sitting there as if it was a piece of display. The demon brought down the terminator armor, looking at all of the features and constructs on this rare and powerful suit. The demon began reverse-engineering, taking apart the suit to see how it was made. It peeled off the ceramic plates and other layers to see the materials that made it. By the end of the deconstruction, the demon was disappointed on how poor it was built, even though it was a technological marvel for man.

But this sparked an idea. Immediately, the demon began fueling the furnace, changing the dying embers into a roaring inferno. It began throwing metals into the forge, mixing and matching the various elements together to create a stronger alloy. When it was melted, the demon pulled out the massive concoction of metallic goo. Immediately, the demon started to shape the mass into a huge square head, leaving a hole straight through the middle. After hours and hours of work, the demon held up its marvelous creation; a massive hammer. The head was as large and ornate as the mighty deamonhammer, while its shaft was thrice as thick. Demonic blessings were etched all over the head along with hellish symbols. The demon held up its work in one hand like it was showing it to a crowd.

"The Hellforge Hammer... Oh how I miss thee..." It muttered with pride.

Once again, the demon fed the forge, increasing the heat and anger of the mighty pit. The demon fed more metal and ores into the flames, creating bigger masses of moldable metal. Again it began to shape the metal, but this time it was forging plates, small bolts, and other various pieces. Hours later, the demon had finished creating all of the plates for its own personal terminator armor. It replicated the mechanics and computer systems of the old suit, but vastly improved it on its own. Hours again, and the suit was almost complete. A coal black with a silver steel trim, the massive duel power fisted terminator suit was completed, larger than the one he copied from. But a problem arose; the suit wasn't designed for his tail, horns or its back spikes. But that didn't stop it from donning the suit. The demon grabbed a power sword off the wall and powered it up. As if it couldn't feel pain, it sliced off its own tail, horns and back spikes. To stop the bleeding from the tail, it heated up a steel block and held it against the open wound, roaring in pain as it stopped the blood flow. Done with the physical alterations, the demon can wear its prized creation.

"What has caused all of this?!"

The demon heard the noises of marines and machines outside. The battalion of Iron Warriors had return as the War Smith predicted.

"These marks of war are from no siege! Someone has infiltrated into here!"

"Agath is dead! The war smith is dead!"

"Barr the gates! The intruder must be in here still!"

The Iron Warriors began a full clean sweep of the empty encampment. They checked every building and every tower, but still they yet to find the demon. Finally the marines stormed the armory. The forge has been trashed because of use and the smell of molten metal reeked in the air. Tools were scattered all over the place and their reservation of metal ore was depleted.

"I can sense that he is still in here! Sweep the area!"

The marines scattered out, searching the large armory. Yet, to their surprise, no signs of life were found. They moved back outside concluding that their enemy had escaped, cursing at their unfortunate luck. When the marines returned to the center of the camp, a large explosion was heard coming from the armory. The Iron Warriors readied themselves as they were completely confused by this noise. Another explosion was heard.

"What is going on here!?"

The armory wall burst open, scattering dust and ash into the air. The marines opened fire, shooting fanatically at the new opening in the armory wall. But they stopped when they saw a large black terminator walking out of the rubble, holding a massive hammer in hand. The demon, grinning under its new armor, surveyed the marines, all standing there, shaking in fear.

"FIRE!!"

They began to unleash hell once more, firing at the massive armored demon. But plates of the ornate terminator suit shrugged off all of their rounds, suffering not even the slightest scratch. The demon lifted his head up to the sky and screamed:

"I SHALL MAKE WEAPONS FROM YOUR BONES!"

The massive titan rushed into the mist of the Iron Warriors. Like a wrecking ball, the demon smashed and crushed all of the marines. Splitting bodies with the Hellforge Hammer and crushing heads with its power fists, the battalion stood not a chance. Some of the marines began to jump into a vacant predator, seeing if they could use them to take down the demon. But even in the sanctuary of a metal hull, they were far from safe. The front of the tank was smashed open, leaving a large gaping hole. The marines were slaughtered in the very thing they sought for protection by the murderous demon. It was an hour later that the camp was completely empty.

"This universe has changed since I've been here... but its fate will be the same..." The demon grunted as it walked off into the wilderness.
 
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