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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey guys! I'm writing fluff for my chapter. Its my first time writing fluff so id appreciate feedback where possible. thx:) plz comment--need comments to fix problems!



The Mind Lords:
FOUNDING: Unknown—their foundation was estimated to have occurred in the years building up to the Necrons’ 68 million year slumber.
APPEARANCE: The colours worn by the Mind Lords are easily distinguishable from the other Necrons because they wear mainly red and gold. Their heads and shoulder pads are gold, while the rest of the body excluding the chest, forearms and kneecaps are red. The last few places are silver.
HOMEWORLD: The Mind Lords’ homeworld is a planet in the north-western Ghoul Stars called Flux Prime. It is a close to uninhabitable world with a surface dotted with archaic crystal and rock formations. Around half of the Mind Lords live on Flux Prime, the other half being on the other three stars in the Celebaine System.
ORGANIZATION: The Mind Lords are made up of thirteen cohorts. Although self-sufficient, they rely heavily upon each other in times of war often calling on a second or third cohort to join the current battle. Each cohort is lead by a DESTROYER LORD who is both wise and powerful and ultimately, the Deceiver who has advanced their cunning, changing them from mindless monsters to elite warriors.

HEADQUARTERS: Although the Mind Lords are led by Sh’orroth, they are governed by a council composed of the Deciever, several lords and a handful of wraiths used as scouts. The warriors who make up the council are:
The Deciever
The Great Sh’orroth
The Lord of the First Cohort
The Lord of the Second Cohort
The Lord of the Third Cohort
The Lord of the Fourth Cohort
The Lord of the Fifth Cohort
The Lord of the Sixth Cohort
The Lord of the Seventh Cohort
The Lord of the Eighth Cohort
The Lord of the Ninth Cohort
The Lord of the Tenth Cohort
The Lord of the Eleventh Cohort
The Lord of the Twelfth Cohort
The Lord of the Thirteenth Cohort
The First Wraith
The Second Wraith
The Third Wraith
The Fourth Wraith
The Fifth Wraith
BELIEFS: As all Necrons do, the Mind Lords worship the C’tan, however they believe in five greater beings. The Great Ones control the universe and decide its turning points:
Krak’benoth the Fate-Maker
Lan Sirregn the Lord of Time
Faarkogh the Master of Discovery and Change
Loche the Master of Travel
Marsko the Lord of the Planets and Celestial Bodies

ORIGINS: The Mind Lords was founded on the cuff of the Necrons’ slumber, being among the favoured of the Necrons. They are the next ideal of the C’tan and were specially engineered to be able to think. By this time Sh’orroth was already rising to power and gathering cohorts in the making of his own army. Sh’orroth started his army on Karlium 4 where he gathered a sufficient amount of forces. He recruited around five hundred warriors from an area with little authority or order. When Sh’orroth went to Karlium 4, it was a traditional Necron world—it was like most Necron worlds, blackened and dead, however it was completely covered with healthy soil. He asked the other lords about the mystery so interesting him. So they told him: there was a device beneath it capable of storing millions upon millions of souls.

COMBAT DOCTRINE: The Mind Lords’ combat doctrine revolves around the ‘bait’ technique. The Mind Lords first go to battle outnumbered and begin fighting. They then call upon several cohorts to aid them. Several monoliths deep striking simultaneously is a defining Mind Lord combat technique. Mind Lord troops also incorporate interception and blocking techniques, similar to that of the Dark Eldar. A simple explanation would be that they chase their enemies to a monolith landing point or vice versa. A disadvantage of being a Mind Lord is the fact that they can think. Because of this the Mind Lords have a Leadership of nine instead of the usual ten.


FLEET: The Mind Lords possess five Cairn Class Tombships- Neikoth, Fa’gorgork, Grein, Leithonos and Brienekk, ten Scythe Class Harvest Ships of unspecified name, twenty Shroud Class Light Cruisers, many hundred Dirge and Jackal Escorts and an unspecified number of fighters of unknown class.

ARMOURY: The Mind Lords make use of a great amount of machinery due to their out-of-the-frying-pan-into-the-fire style warfare. They were given a Doomsday Monolith, a Gauss Pylon and a stolen Land Raider as rewards for felling a planet of Orks. Their armoury consists of:
2 Doomsday Monoliths
5 Gauss Pylons
*40 Monoliths
-39 Monoliths
-1 Monolith with a Gauss Annihilator
1 Land Raider (CONVERTED)
1 Predator (CONVERTED)

THE FORTRESS OF FLUX: The Fortress of Flux is a massive Bastion which to a human seems to defy both gravity and logic. Unlike the imperial bastions which are like toughened buildings, the Fortress is closer to a skimmer than a building, rising from the ground during war, sinking back again when heavily damaged or victorious.

RECRUITMENT: The Mind Lords Do things differently to normal Necrons in that they recruit and befriend mortal forces and empires. Although suspected, they can maintain relationships with them. A common sight in a Mind Lord battle is Thexian mercenaries fighting by their side, due to their location near or in some case next to a Thexian world.

HEIRACHY: When a warrior completes its training it gets placed into a metal life support system similar in some aspects to that of a Dreadnought, however it is not used to hold warriors who have died, but to protect warriors from dying. They then choose their path from several classes and keep to it for their entire life.
PALADINS: When a warrior chooses to be a paladin he signs and oath to always protect friendlies in need. They are given a gauss flayer and are trained to use it both as a gun and as a melee item. They are mainly deployed on foot; however, if strong and brave enough, they can be used as the subjects for ‘Grand Illusion’. Paladins make up the bulk of the army.


JACKALS: Warriors of this class are not trained in strength but agility. Similar in many ways to the Dark Eldar, they learn things like dodging bullets or ducking to avoid a blow. These tend to be the warriors that provide fire cover for their allies. They use their gauss flayers to occupy the enemy while Wraiths and Flayed Ones start assaulting in close combat.

HULKS: Quite the opposite of Jackals, Hulks make use of strong muscle and close combat skill. They are the heavy troops that are used to escort the Paladins and Jackals to the fighting zone if they do not enter through a monolith.
 

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Unhinged Hobo
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It's looking good to me, the only thing i would point out is that because of your use of the Word Chapter in the title it took me a couple of reads of the opening paragraph to realise you were creating a necron tomb world army and not actually a space marine chapter. I would imagine that this is why you had so many views but no replys, people looked expecting space marines. From what i can see it looks good though i'll confess i've not read a necron dex so don't know how accurately you are portraying pre slumber necron society or even if it is dealt with in any books.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It's looking good to me, the only thing i would point out is that because of your use of the Word Chapter in the title it took me a couple of reads of the opening paragraph to realise you were creating a necron tomb world army and not actually a space marine chapter. I would imagine that this is why you had so many views but no replys, people looked expecting space marines. From what i can see it looks good though i'll confess i've not read a necron dex so don't know how accurately you are portraying pre slumber necron society or even if it is dealt with in any books.
thx: i need NECRON MIND LORDS FLUFF!!!

THX FOR THE SUPPORT!
 
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