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First of all id like to apolagise for my lack of onlineness. GCSE's ya see.

any way this is my story, and yes it was origanelly wrote for the speartipalliance forum. but ready the actual story. dont think of it as an advert. im open to criticism.
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The midnight marauders trudged their way through the murky swamp. The filthy water up to their knees. The only source of light in the darkness was the moon which reflected back of the water. The marines constantly listened out for signs of their prey; all that could be heard amongst the various animals was their own movement in the water.

The hunt had been on for over two weeks now, and yet somehow the orks still eluded them. Kraken, the commander of the midnight marauders wanted to meet these orks personally. One in particular, Pyro. He was a famed weird boy ork chief. All intelligence indicated that he was on this unnamed planet.

Kraken stood still for a moment. “What is it me lord?” Captain Loken inquired.
“Nothing. It’s just that Orks are not the kind of species that hide, and maybe we are on the wrong planet,” Kraken answered with disappointment.
The Captain switched to personal vox. “Me lord, why do you speak of giving up in front of the men? It will lower they’re already hindering morale.”
“Because Captain,” Kraken spoke with a hint of annoyance, “I will not lie to my men. If I have failed them then I hope they can find a suitable replacement. I will not lie to my men and I will not lie to the gods; they trust me and I trust them.”
“Yes me lord. I didn’t mean……”
“I know.”

Kraken rejoined his men and left Loken to contemplate on what he had said. Kraken quickly lowered himself so that the water was up to his waste. The marines did the same. “I hear a growl,” Kraken whispered.
“Probably some kind of beast,” a marine answered.
“No. We’ve been here for 16 days now, and we haven’t heard that before. A bit odd, it would seem. No, it was an ork. An ork of a fairly large size.” He thought for a while. “Press on, he’s just watching us.”

The marines moved on but were more cautious now. They kept their guns raised and ready, as well as powering their armour up. Kraken looked to Loken, “That kept them on their toes.”
Loken looked puzzled “What do you mean?”
“I do not lie…but sometimes I do fool around.”

Loken looked slightly shocked but he just shrugged and smiled.

After a few more hours they found themselves in some woods. Upon entering the woods, they saw dead animals hanging off branches. The further they went in, burn marks and stab marks became more frequent. “The Ork camp is just up ahead,” the marine on point called.

Upon entering the camp, many of the orks stood up but did not reach for their weapons. The Marauders wandered through the camp, observing the orks activities. A small group of about ten orks followed the marines. Kraken lead the way, and as he was about to open the largest tent in the camp, the group of following orks quickly bolstered their guns. “You umies az gotta fight us before you can go in dere.”
The marines held their guns firmly, ready for what ever was next. Kraken pushed his men aside, knocking one to the ground, charging the orks with his diamond, deamonic sword. The orks could not counter charge fast enough. Kraken drop kicked an ork in the face before thrusting his sword into the throat of another. He span on his heel to face the rear charging ork, his blade cutting deep into the orks eye, squelching as he turned the blade. The ork remained standing but was in a spasm. Kraken drew his bolter to shoot an oncoming ork in the mouth.
The marines watched with delight, amazed at their commander. Loken shouted “50 credits on the captain.”
Many of the marines laughed and accepted the bet.

Kraken wretched his blade out of the spasming orks eye and dropped lower, beneath a orks slugga shot. The commander thrust his blade into the orks groin. The marines looked as if they felt the orks pain. Kraken stood in the midst of the corpses. “Right! Now lets go in.”
“Ya aint quite done yet…umie”. A very large orkish voice yelled from behind. Kraken looked at his marines that all stared behind him. They turned to him and smiled. “I suggest turning around sir……NOW!” Loken cried.

Kraken spun around to face his foe and dropped to one knee as a huge ork boy in mega armour reared up to throw a punch. Kraken threw his sword at the ork, the blade imbedding deep into a mix of flesh and metal. He drew his bolter once more to fire a hail of bullets at the oncoming ork. He rolled under the swing of a power claw and while the ork was still swinging, Kraken jumped onto its back. Standing on the huge ork's shoulders he pointed his bolter down and pumped round after round into the top of the ork's head. Blood splattered up on to Krakens visor. The ork fell backwards, sending kraken rolling into his marines. They picked him up and Kraken regained himself before retrieving his sword.

When entering the tent a voice shouted from the darkness, “Your men must stay outside... Kraken”.
Kraken nodded his men out. The soldiers argued about why they shouldn’t have to pay Loken.

“You are Pyro, are you not?” Kraken spoke, brimming with confidence.
A small, experienced voice replied “I assure you commander, if I wanted you dead I would have done it myself. And yes, I am Pyro.”
“Do you know why I am here?”
“I knew that you was coming. I knew that you want something of me. But what that is exactly, I do not know. Something very powerful watches over you.”
“You do not speak very…”
“Yes...?”
“Orkish?”
Pyro butted in, “Incase you haven’t noticed…” Pyro stepped out of the shadows to reveal a man sized ork, rippled with wrinkles, but it was obvious that beneath the wrinkles he had layers of muscle. “I'm not quite like a normal ork. I am a weird boy. The name suggests all. So why are you here”.

“I am here on behalf of the almighty Speartip Alliance. They have recalled you,” Kraken subtly demanded.
“Ahhhhh! The Tip. Can't get along without me?” Pyro smirked.
‘No! they just “request” your “assistance”.’
“What about me running of like that. That can't of gone down well?”
“To be honest, I do not know or care. All you need to know is that they will not punish you for running. You followed your orders and then left. At least you did not screw them over.”
“I can tell you're new to the alliance. You do not realise that they will punish me for running; they will punish me by putting me into the thick of it.”
“But that’s where orks excel...”
“And that’s why I ran. I can never seem to get in the most brutal battles unless I misbehave.”
“You planned this?”
“Yeah,” Pyro grinned with joy.
 

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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
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8,082 Posts
Seems quite good. One big thing though, are the Marines Choas or Loyalist? Theres not really anyway to tell the differance in your writing.

Shows a lot of potential though.
 
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