honestly, meh. ive read better. the actions far too short. the fighting lacks gory details. a good story line and a great idea, just could have been written better. practice is all it takes :wink:
The 7 Plagues (Nurgle story)
This is the story of the 7th Grand Company of the Death Guard Legion after the battle of Emperors Palace:
"We should have stayed loyal!" Ulvo spat out through the mucus frothing out his mouth " We should have never listened to that fool of a primarch Mortarion!"
"Quiet you fool! do you wish to be killed?" questioned Sgt Gallieus as he fired his bolter pistol at the pursuing Blood Angels," Nurgle has rewarded our Legion for defecting, more than the False emperor gave us eh?"
"REWARDS!! what Nurgle gave us was a curse of an eternal plague which racks our bodies with pain!" Ulvo replied as he too stopped to fire his bolter at the Blood Angels killing three of them.
"Well,well,well the legion has no need for non-believers marine Ulvo!" Mortarions voice sounded over the squads vox-casters as a Death Guard thunderkawk roared above them" ALL DEATH GUARD SHALL RETREAT BACK TO YOUR SHIPS ,WE ARE LEAVING!"
"Squad you heard the man back to the spaceport...Now move!" Bellowed Gallieus as he forced his disease-ridden body to run
As the Death Guard marines headed for the spaceport the Blood Angels behind them stopped, in their hurry didn't realize this change and kept on running ,they also didn't see the sniper scouts take aim....
[End of Part 1]
this is my first story how did you think of it?
"We should have stayed loyal!" Ulvo spat out through the mucus frothing out his mouth " We should have never listened to that fool of a primarch Mortarion!"
"Quiet you fool! do you wish to be killed?" questioned Sgt Gallieus as he fired his bolter pistol at the pursuing Blood Angels," Nurgle has rewarded our Legion for defecting, more than the False emperor gave us eh?"
"REWARDS!! what Nurgle gave us was a curse of an eternal plague which racks our bodies with pain!" Ulvo replied as he too stopped to fire his bolter at the Blood Angels killing three of them.
"Well,well,well the legion has no need for non-believers marine Ulvo!" Mortarions voice sounded over the squads vox-casters as a Death Guard thunderkawk roared above them" ALL DEATH GUARD SHALL RETREAT BACK TO YOUR SHIPS ,WE ARE LEAVING!"
"Squad you heard the man back to the spaceport...Now move!" Bellowed Gallieus as he forced his disease-ridden body to run
As the Death Guard marines headed for the spaceport the Blood Angels behind them stopped, in their hurry didn't realize this change and kept on running ,they also didn't see the sniper scouts take aim....
[End of Part 1]
this is my first story how did you think of it?
21 - 40 of 83 Posts
and he died. some bits it just stops you need to give it more description :biggrin:
sweet dude i enjoyed the ending of it
okay I missed the minions of Nurgle so here is some more fluff.
Pestillens looked at the space where the Daemon Prince Ulvo had recently occupied, shock and surprise could be discerned even through all the boils and sores on his face, and then Pestillens heard the inhuman roar of anger rip through the warp tearing open a hole in mid-air out of which Ulvo reappeared, smoking as if he just had been on fire.
"WHAT HAPPENED SORCERER?" demanded the angry daemon prince picking Pestillens up by his throat and bringing him to eye level, the daemon prince's breath smelling of rotted flesh " I have just been in a great amount of pain, care to tell me why?"
"The grey knights binding, must have been broken somehow" the Nugle sorcerer offered in reply as Ulvo choked him, the strength of Ulvo's grip popping boils "or he left out a word, either one, but the key thing is that your still here, my Lord"
"Well" the daemon prince began, as he unceremoniously dropped Pestillens, and started walking to his throne " Did I not tell you I'd return?" he finished, sitting on his throne " it's good to be home"
_________________________________________________________________
An Vindicare Assassin looked up from his sniper scope and pressed the 'transmit' button on his vox caster "Inquisitor, the Grey Knights have failed"
"Understood" came the gruff 'barely controlled reply "return to base, out"
"this is going to be a long day" thought the assassin walking back towards his sleek warbike.
_________________________________________________________________
The Inquisitor Lord shook with rage as he heard the report; 10 Grey Knight veteran terminators killed and a Captain on top, plus the target of the raid was largely unharmed.
"Get the admiral, tell him to land the troops, we're goind to wipe this infestation out at the root" Broelman yelled at his communications officer, thinking "Ulvo and his warriors aren't going to see another morning if I have anything to do about it"
Pestillens looked at the space where the Daemon Prince Ulvo had recently occupied, shock and surprise could be discerned even through all the boils and sores on his face, and then Pestillens heard the inhuman roar of anger rip through the warp tearing open a hole in mid-air out of which Ulvo reappeared, smoking as if he just had been on fire.
"WHAT HAPPENED SORCERER?" demanded the angry daemon prince picking Pestillens up by his throat and bringing him to eye level, the daemon prince's breath smelling of rotted flesh " I have just been in a great amount of pain, care to tell me why?"
"The grey knights binding, must have been broken somehow" the Nugle sorcerer offered in reply as Ulvo choked him, the strength of Ulvo's grip popping boils "or he left out a word, either one, but the key thing is that your still here, my Lord"
"Well" the daemon prince began, as he unceremoniously dropped Pestillens, and started walking to his throne " Did I not tell you I'd return?" he finished, sitting on his throne " it's good to be home"
_________________________________________________________________
An Vindicare Assassin looked up from his sniper scope and pressed the 'transmit' button on his vox caster "Inquisitor, the Grey Knights have failed"
"Understood" came the gruff 'barely controlled reply "return to base, out"
"this is going to be a long day" thought the assassin walking back towards his sleek warbike.
_________________________________________________________________
The Inquisitor Lord shook with rage as he heard the report; 10 Grey Knight veteran terminators killed and a Captain on top, plus the target of the raid was largely unharmed.
"Get the admiral, tell him to land the troops, we're goind to wipe this infestation out at the root" Broelman yelled at his communications officer, thinking "Ulvo and his warriors aren't going to see another morning if I have anything to do about it"
"My lord, we have made the shift into real space. We are now in what we believe to be the Mundus system. Our sensors have located a xeno controlled planet, my lord. We believe it is home to the traitor legion of the Death Guard. We believe they are being lead by a daemon prince," explained the ships captain, a Dreadnaught of gold and silver with three burning torches on its back.
"A daemon prince you say," replies the gold and silver wraithlord as it emerges from the shadows.
"Yes, my lord, a daemon prince."
The wraithlord's only reply is a deeply psychotic laughter.
Glory to the 11th!!
now thats an ending
"A daemon prince you say," replies the gold and silver wraithlord as it emerges from the shadows.
"Yes, my lord, a daemon prince."
The wraithlord's only reply is a deeply psychotic laughter.
Glory to the 11th!!
now thats an ending
what about:
Suddenly a rift appeared infront of Pestillence (as i beleive it is spelt) and out of it stepped his mighty lord, Ulvo, the deep purplish glow surrounding him in a surreal, entrancing, yet somehow fear-inspiring glow. He roared his triumph and yelled to his minions and enemies. 'I HAVE RETURNED, THOSE WHO OPPOSE ME, BEAR WITNESS TO MY RETURN AND YOUR DEMISE'. All fighting ceased as both friend and foe turned in suprise at the unexpected return of the Warps greatest warrior. An awe inspiring sight, the great demon prince stepped foward into the fray, slashing left and right, the bodies of his sworn enemies sent flying. Limbs flew past his face, blood spattering his armour as his blade cleaved without end, no armour stopping its fearsome swing.
In his blind rage he did not witness nor hear the powering up of a battery of Psycannons, the grey knights most fearsome weapon when facing demons. A flash of blinding light raced towards Ulvo as he span to face his oncoming doom.....
Suddenly a rift appeared infront of Pestillence (as i beleive it is spelt) and out of it stepped his mighty lord, Ulvo, the deep purplish glow surrounding him in a surreal, entrancing, yet somehow fear-inspiring glow. He roared his triumph and yelled to his minions and enemies. 'I HAVE RETURNED, THOSE WHO OPPOSE ME, BEAR WITNESS TO MY RETURN AND YOUR DEMISE'. All fighting ceased as both friend and foe turned in suprise at the unexpected return of the Warps greatest warrior. An awe inspiring sight, the great demon prince stepped foward into the fray, slashing left and right, the bodies of his sworn enemies sent flying. Limbs flew past his face, blood spattering his armour as his blade cleaved without end, no armour stopping its fearsome swing.
In his blind rage he did not witness nor hear the powering up of a battery of Psycannons, the grey knights most fearsome weapon when facing demons. A flash of blinding light raced towards Ulvo as he span to face his oncoming doom.....
not bad zboy!
i like it
as for the recommendations lol and OXC, im not a fan of gore, but detail about the battle (without the arms flying off rofl~) is always a great touch to the story
try to add emotion, smell, yeah, and that would be awesome
i like it
as for the recommendations lol and OXC, im not a fan of gore, but detail about the battle (without the arms flying off rofl~) is always a great touch to the story
try to add emotion, smell, yeah, and that would be awesome
ok thanks for the suggestions, but I believe some of you missed something
1. the sorcerers name is Pestillens; a play on the word pestilence ( pronounced PES-TI-LENS sorry if i confused you:biggrin
2. The grey knights were part of a larger inquisitorial force hellbent on killing the 7th grand company of the death guard (Broelman and Ulvo have a history which I'll add later)
but as always any and all suggestions/criticism is welcome
1. the sorcerers name is Pestillens; a play on the word pestilence ( pronounced PES-TI-LENS sorry if i confused you:biggrin
2. The grey knights were part of a larger inquisitorial force hellbent on killing the 7th grand company of the death guard (Broelman and Ulvo have a history which I'll add later)
but as always any and all suggestions/criticism is welcome
>> Keep iy up dude. Your story is good, but as OXC said, add a bit more detail, little more action in yer battles. Its your first story so keep trying, you'll get better eventually.:victory:
good job man
I just couldnt resist putting my own ending in
nun the less good job
dont think Psycannons would kill daemon prince Ulvo the 7th plague of nurgle
glory to the 11th!!
I just couldnt resist putting my own ending in
nun the less good job
dont think Psycannons would kill daemon prince Ulvo the 7th plague of nurgle
glory to the 11th!!
well they can kill a C'tan, the god of the Necrons, so im pretty sure they can kill a demon, considering the faction the GK belong too are called Demon Hunters.
c'tans are sissy star gods not a daemon prince also I didnt say it couldnt kill a daemon. I just I dont think it will kill Ulvo cause he's been killed lots of times and hes still not dead
and it didnt kill that greater daemon in the grey nights novel I read
and it didnt kill that greater daemon in the grey nights novel I read
thats one, not a battery of about 6. and he can die, he just comes back.
i never actually said it killed him, i left it hanging
i never actually said it killed him, i left it hanging
true but you wrote doom which implies his complete destruction which would imply hes no more and never will be again or dead
i said he tuurned to face his oncoming doom, it hadnt reached him yet.
he could dodge away, take it and survive, it leaves it open for zboy to finish it :wink:
he could dodge away, take it and survive, it leaves it open for zboy to finish it :wink:
he did in his version
dont think hill finish your version
dont think hill finish your version
hello I'm here?:biggrin:
well I'm actually trying to fit OXC's story in, I'm just having a case of writers block at the moment.
sucks doesnt it..:grin:
well I'm actually trying to fit OXC's story in, I'm just having a case of writers block at the moment.
sucks doesnt it..:grin:
hazzah, triumph at last! thanks zboy. it would certainly get a lil more of my work out there. tell me when the next installation is up.
"My Lord" Pestillens began staring at the Nurglings dancing around the bodies of the Grey Knights, preforming an unholy ritual "Who do you think sent these terminators?"
"He did" was Ulvo's only answer as the fly covered giant watched the ritual end with the grey knights rising as new plague marines, some with their intestines bursting through their armor, their armor disintegrating, revealing stinking disease ridden flesh and their armor warping and shifting until they were indistinguishable from any other Nurgle terminators in the warband.
"He did?" echoed the sorcerer.
"BROELMAN, YOU FOOL" roared the daemon prince, startling the nurglings from their cavorting around Ulvo's throne room "if HE sent terminators and what appeared to be a captain against me he must of been certain he could get rid of me if they failed" he continued "That also means he has a substantial force nearby probably a few Imperial Guardsman regiments, some coerced astartes companys, or alot of Grey Knight veterans"
"Shall we prepare for an assault?"
"YES" replied the the Nurgle prince, hefting his daemon scythe, which was almost purring with with the expectation of the slaughter.
_________________________________________________________________
"Sir all troops and armor has landed" the communications officer informed his commander "and scouts have confirmed, according to you suspicions, that the heretics have mobilized"
"Whatever he may be, Ulvo is still a skilled tactician and infantry commander" rumbled the ancient daemon hunter "so I shall not underestimate him"
"Lord" Broelman's acolyte addressed his master" why do you hunt this heretic exclusively? If I am not to bold to ask?"
"None at all Marcus, if you are to succeed me I must tell you the story so here is how my hunt began"
_________________________________________________________________
" I was an acolyte to a Daemon Huntress named Ophilia, who was a former sister of battle, but she became a member of the ordo malleus, however on he last hunt we were pursuing a daemon prince named Peter de Lifeblight, then captain of the Death Guard company Ulvo now commands.
During the battle where Peter and Ophilia both died, when she detonated a melta bomb in desparation, all that remained of them was a hole melted in the ground, and the two left surviving were Peter's lieutenant Ulvo and I, the last member of Ophilia's retinue, fought each other" Broelman parted his shirt to show a long blotchy scar reaching from left shoulder to right hip "and during that fight I got this"
He continued closing his shirt and delving into the fights details" We fought for on near for an hour, my rune-axes and his daemon scythe, sprayed so many sparks it looked like we fought in-between the stars, our faces literally sprayed sweat, obscuring our vision and thats when he got me. His weapon flashed and then I felt the most extreme pain and blacked out, the last thing I heard from him that day was his maniacal laughter, but later I was found by Inquisitorial stormtroopers " as the gnarled warrior stopped" and since then we have both clashed again twice since then, the last time I fought him I beheaded him but as I walked away I heard a roar and saw him as he is now"
"So thats why you pursue him" Markus said after his mentor's tale
"Yes boy, and I also seek to claim the debt he owes humanity" Broelman growled "now let us go pray for the emperor's guidance and protection for the battles to come"
"He did" was Ulvo's only answer as the fly covered giant watched the ritual end with the grey knights rising as new plague marines, some with their intestines bursting through their armor, their armor disintegrating, revealing stinking disease ridden flesh and their armor warping and shifting until they were indistinguishable from any other Nurgle terminators in the warband.
"He did?" echoed the sorcerer.
"BROELMAN, YOU FOOL" roared the daemon prince, startling the nurglings from their cavorting around Ulvo's throne room "if HE sent terminators and what appeared to be a captain against me he must of been certain he could get rid of me if they failed" he continued "That also means he has a substantial force nearby probably a few Imperial Guardsman regiments, some coerced astartes companys, or alot of Grey Knight veterans"
"Shall we prepare for an assault?"
"YES" replied the the Nurgle prince, hefting his daemon scythe, which was almost purring with with the expectation of the slaughter.
_________________________________________________________________
"Sir all troops and armor has landed" the communications officer informed his commander "and scouts have confirmed, according to you suspicions, that the heretics have mobilized"
"Whatever he may be, Ulvo is still a skilled tactician and infantry commander" rumbled the ancient daemon hunter "so I shall not underestimate him"
"Lord" Broelman's acolyte addressed his master" why do you hunt this heretic exclusively? If I am not to bold to ask?"
"None at all Marcus, if you are to succeed me I must tell you the story so here is how my hunt began"
_________________________________________________________________
" I was an acolyte to a Daemon Huntress named Ophilia, who was a former sister of battle, but she became a member of the ordo malleus, however on he last hunt we were pursuing a daemon prince named Peter de Lifeblight, then captain of the Death Guard company Ulvo now commands.
During the battle where Peter and Ophilia both died, when she detonated a melta bomb in desparation, all that remained of them was a hole melted in the ground, and the two left surviving were Peter's lieutenant Ulvo and I, the last member of Ophilia's retinue, fought each other" Broelman parted his shirt to show a long blotchy scar reaching from left shoulder to right hip "and during that fight I got this"
He continued closing his shirt and delving into the fights details" We fought for on near for an hour, my rune-axes and his daemon scythe, sprayed so many sparks it looked like we fought in-between the stars, our faces literally sprayed sweat, obscuring our vision and thats when he got me. His weapon flashed and then I felt the most extreme pain and blacked out, the last thing I heard from him that day was his maniacal laughter, but later I was found by Inquisitorial stormtroopers " as the gnarled warrior stopped" and since then we have both clashed again twice since then, the last time I fought him I beheaded him but as I walked away I heard a roar and saw him as he is now"
"So thats why you pursue him" Markus said after his mentor's tale
"Yes boy, and I also seek to claim the debt he owes humanity" Broelman growled "now let us go pray for the emperor's guidance and protection for the battles to come"
21 - 40 of 83 Posts
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