Warhammer 40k Forum and Wargaming Forums banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
The Traveler
Joined
·
2,559 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter Bitches".
2. Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the Inquisitor's head.
3. Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike.
4. Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making yourselves less effective on the morn.
5. Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."
6. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
7. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons".
8. Thou shalt not refer to Chapter Master as a "drag".
9. Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking down the barrel!
10. Thou shalt not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market.
11. Thou shalt not use thine chainsword as a backscratcher.
12. Thou shalt not use thine pistol as a q-tip.
13. Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy metal" or "death metal" through thine com-speakers.
14. Thou shalt not not attempt to give a Tau a "high-five”.
15. Thou shalt not laugh at how small IG men are.
16. Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act upon your own free will.
17. Thou shalt not tap the glass on the Dreadnought.
18. Thou shalt not feed the Orks.
19. Thou shalt not advertise on thine armour.
20. Thou shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers.
21. Thou shalt not wave a red flag near a Chaos Dreadnought.
22. Thou shalt not tape pictures to your armour.
23. Thou shalt not release spiders inside the dreadnought.
24. Thou shalt not use they bolter to kill bees.
25. Thou shalt not sniff warp fumes.
26. Thou shalt eat thou rations.
27. Thou shalt not steal thy commander’s dinner.
28. Thou shalt not use the land raider to pick up chicks.
29. Thou shalt guard thy bolter when camping with Imperial Guard.
30. Thou shalt not use bug bomb against the nids.
31. Thou shalt not play Internet games with Tzeentch.
31. Thou shalt not e-mail the Emperor spam.
32. Thou shalt not glue Terminator Helmets to the armor.
33. Thou shalt not spray paint armour to make it look cool.
34. Thou shalt not have water gun fights with lasguns. (the guard needs them)
35. Thou shalt not juggle power weapons.
36. Thou shalt not hide video links in the Sisters of Battle's monastery.
37. Thou shalt not use grenades as water balloons.
38. Thou shalt not refer to demons as "Ghosties"
39. Thou shalt not play “Truth or Dare” with Sisters.
40. Thou shalt not play “Spin the Bottle” with Sisters.
41. Thou shalt not play “Hangman” with the Inquisitor or Berserker.
42. Thou shalt ignore strange voices in your head.
43. Thou shalt not put a cork in the Inquisitors pistol.
44. Thou shalt not use the Lasgun as a flashlight.
45. Thou shalt not use thy Land Raider as a hotel room!
46. Thou shalt not spike the beer!
47. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
48. Thou shalt not refer to Lasguns as torches.
49. Thou shalt not refer to Imperial Guard as 'spotlighters'
50. Thou shalt not make fun of Chaos’ rusty Power Armour.
51. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
52. Thou shalt not make liposuction jokes around Eldar.
53. Thou shalt not return books late.
54. Thou shalt not trade thine bike for a skateboard.
55. Thou shalt not ignore the Chaplain as he recites the tales of Spot the Dog.
56. Thou shalt not Put corks into the engines of a Landspeeder. It is not funny.
57. Thou shalt not stay awake after “lights out” unless expressly ordered.
58. Thou shall not steal excess food from Imperial Guardsmen's plates.
59. Thou shalt not waterfight with civilians.
60. Thou shalt not get a Sister intoxicated for thy own pleasures.
61. Thou shalt not taunt a Dreadnaught within reach of his foot by calling him "The Tin Man" from “Wizard of Oz”.
62. Thou shalt not smoke/inhale/inject illegal pharmaceuticals into thy holy body even though your advanced physiological structure could probably withstand the effects.
63. Thou shalt not dare others to eat that squiggly thing.
64. Thou shalt not comment on being a better shot then the inquisitor.
65. Thou shalt not exclaim chaplain is too preachy.
66. Thou shalt not exclaim your sergeant is a pugy #@&*^%.
67. Thou shalt not take the emperor titan for a spin.
68. Thou shalt not set fly strips outside your tent in a Tyranid war zone.
69. Thou shalt not put "tags" on the Holy Shrouds and/or Banners or write on it in anyway at all.
70. Thou shalt not over-charge thou bike!
71. Thou shalt not use the over-charged engines for "drag-racing"!
72. Thou shalt not play "no blinking" with Mephiston!
73. Thou shalt obey these commandments!
74. Thou shalt not "make bunny-ears" with thy fingers behind the Chaplain whilst he gives battle-orders.
75. Thou shalt not indulge in squig eating contests.
76. Thou shalt keep thou armour on, although thou might think thou are invincible, thou DO need thou armour!
77. Thou shalt not fall asleep whilst the Chaplain is in prayer.
78. Thou shalt not use thy weapons upon thyself, thou still can get hurt.
79. Thou shalt not jump out in front of the Rhino to get into the fight whilst still in motion...wait for orders to disembark!
80. Thou shalt look both ways before crossing the street.
81. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (In a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans)
82. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Tyranid's mighty One-Eyed monster (eye, pirate matey... guk!).
83. Thou shalt not light cigarettes near the Hellhounds.
84. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.
85. Thou shalt not call the firearms of the Imperial Guard “Sega Lock-Ons”.
86. Thou shalt not call the Adeptus Arbites “pigs” or “the filth”.
87. Thou shalt not place buckets of water over the Inquisitors door.
88. Thou shalt not use thou's laser sight to blind Imperial Guard.
89. Thou shalt not remove the Imperial Guards power packs from their Lasguns while they are asleep.
90. Thou shalt not play “frisbee” with a Tau Shield Drone.
91. Thou shalt not eat toast in your power armour ( I'm not going to hoover the crumbs out of the toes again).
92. Thou shalt not put fridge magnets on thy power armour (Even if you have been to Cornwall).
93. Thou shalt not tune into FM rock on your intercom.
94. Thou shalt not put bananas in the commander's rhino's exhaust pipes.
95. Thou shalt not use Scented Pine Tree Air Fresheners in thine Rhino.
96. Thou shalt not offer to clean the sister's armour whilst they change.
97. Thou shalt not use Power weapons or Chain-weapons to cut your food.
98. Thou shalt remove the batteries from weapons to put in your RC toys.
99. Thou shalt not swap the salt and pepper.
100. Thou shalt not "go out to get cigarettes" during prayers!
101. Thou shalt not make remarks about the physical appearance of Sisters.
102. Thou shalt not swap your battle-brothers gun with a waterpistol.
103. Thou shalt not ask a Sister about her age.
104. Thou shalt not make funny noises during a speech/prayer.
105. Thou shalt not write or "put tags" on vehicles and/or armour.
106. Thou shalt not press the buttons in a demolisher tank.
107. Thou shalt always carry thine universal remote control when facing necrons.

108. Thou shalt not remind your commander how many times he has been slain by the badly coloured Tyranid.
109. Thou shalt leave the plasma gun well and truly alone.
110. Thou shalt not play Russian roulette with automatic weapons. It doesn't work (or it does too well, actually).
111. Thou shalt not stack the deck.
112. Thou shalt not move that extra little inch in movement phase.
113. Thou shalt follow thy rulebook.
114. Thou shalt not make up rules.
115. Thou shalt beware of bird poo when greater daemon of Tzeentch is around.
116. Thou shalt not throw soap at Nurglings.
117. Thou shalt not stare at feet during the battle march.
118. Thou shalt not aim at thy commanders back.
119. Thou shalt watch thy foot steps.
120. Thou shalt not binge drink with the Imperial Guard.
121. Thou art not unexpendable.
122. Thou shalt look before thou leaps.
123. Thou shalt not bring your sack lunch to battle.
124. Thou shalt not use they bike as a battering ram.
125. Thou shalt beware of potholes and speedbumps.
126. Thou shalt not refer to Wolf Lord Login Grimnar as "Wolfie".
127. Thou shalt not use Spiky bits to hang laundry on.
128. Thou shalt not refer to Ultramarine scouts as "little boy blue".
129. Thou shalt not refer to the Cannoness as "big momma".
130. Thou shalt not put “kick me” signs on thou brothers backs.
131. Thou shalt not nail nurglings to the back of the rhino as fuzzy decorations.
132. Thou shalt not put itching powder in a Dreadnought.
133. Thou shalt not refer to Armoured companies as agorophobes.
134. Thou shalt not ask techmarines to put mag wheels on your bike.
134. Thou shalt not sneak into The Rock while the Dark angels are asleep and discover their secrets.
135. Thou shalt not spike drinks with Sanguinius’ blood.
136. Thou shalt not step on Guardsmen and then say that you didn't see them.
137. Thou shalt not overheat a plasmagun for a college prank.
138. Thou shalt not give the Death Company caffine.
139. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.
140. Thou shalt not poop thy power armor.
141. Thou shalt not overclock thine pentium and use it as a plasma weapon.
142. Thou shalt not trip over Tau.
143. Thou shalt not attempt to steal a Tau's weapon "to give to the poor Guardsmen".
144. Thou shalt not laugh at the poorly painted armies. (Haha look at that purple Tau!... Guk!)

145. Thou shalt not go big game fishing for Manta Missile Destroyers.
146. Thou shalt not try to change the batteries on a Scarab.
147. Thou shalt not use the Blades of Reason to trim thy fingernails.
148. Thou shalt not ask the Sisters whether it's dyed or real.
149. Thou shalt not call Old One Eye "Surf and Turf".
150. Thou shalt not use the Hellhound to cook thy rations.
151. Thou shalt not use thy power armours’ vid-link to prank call the Imperial Guard storm troopers.
152. Thou shalt not sneak up on thy commanding officer, and yell "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD" in his ear.
153. Thou shalt not use thine bolter to shoot cans off walls.
154. Thou shalt not steal the Land Speeder to "pick up Sisters".
155. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino as a "Clown Car", althought thy might think it is.
156. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control".
157. Thou shalt not use blind grenades to sneak into the Sister's encampment.
158. Thou shalt never laugh at the laughing god.
159. Thou shalt never tie power armour laces together.
160. Thou shalt never say "Resistance is futile" to the Adeptus Mechanicus.
161. Thou shalt never criticize the “paper boys” in the Adeptus Administratum.
162. Thou shalt not sell chapter property (e.g. battlebarge, fortress monestary) on eBay.
163. Thou shalt not refer to Imperial Guardsmen as "Cannon fodder".
164. Thou shalt not insinuate The Imperial Guard Colonel visited a fancy-dress shop.
165. Thou shalt not lend Imperial Guardsmen your power armour or swap places for a day with Guardsmen.
166. Thou shalt not try to perform brain surgery wearing power armour.
167. Thou shalt not assume that because you can take a bolter hit in the head, the Guardsman over there can too.
168. Thou shalt not hide the keys to the battle barge.
169. Thou shalt not steal the Battle Sisters makeup.
170. Thou shalt not try on the Battle Sisters armour to see if it compares to your own.
171. Thou shalt not take the Land Raider for a joy ride.
172. Thou shalt not perform dare devil stunts in the Rhino. Especially if thine bretheren are in the back.
173. Thou shalt not throw sticks for the Space Wolves.
174. Thou shalt not keep a Tyranid as a pet.
175. Thou shalt not call a Battle Sister “babe”.
176. Thou shalt not armwrestle with Tactical Dreadnoughts.
177. Thou shalt not watch whilst the battle sisters change out of their power armour.
178. Thou shalt not relieve thy self behind a tree during battle.
179. Thou shalt not go to thy great emporer and make him "perform an illegal operation and be shut down".
180. Thou shalt not jump on the back of a Dreadnought in battle and see how long you can stay on.
181. Thou shalt not play toy soldiers with the Guardsmen.
182. Thou shalt not mistake Khorne for a food.
183. Thou shalt not use power claws as scissors.
184. Thou shalt not use power armour power points to plug in thy gameboy.
185. Thou shalt not use hellions skyboards to impress the sisters.
186. Thou shalt not place a flashing light on top of the rhino so that it is easier to find in the car park.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
181 Posts
Thats awesome=P
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
some of them sound like the joke Divergence/Drawback I was going to do

Divergengce: Hot Women and Cold Beer = fearless and secret weapon against slanesh= dollar bills

Drawback: always broke= reserves are -1 to show due to hangovers and guys searching power armor for change for gas
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top