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“…” said the Dreadnaught emphatically, its red eyes glowing with menace.

“Well don’t take that tone of… um… face with me, Methuselah. I didn’t break your vox-caster.” Ardens responded, putting both hands and his servo-arm up defensively. “If you would let me give you a tune-up every thirty-five battles like it says on the warranty, you wouldn’t be having these problems.”


“What do you mean, you can’t read? You’re a nine hundred year old machine, for the Emperor’s sake!” The techmarine placed his hands on his hips, his servo arm folded up over his shoulder, looking distinctly petulant.


“You don’t have to get so testy.” Ardens said, going back to work on the Dreadnaught’s cabling. “Maybe this will fix it.” As he inserted the last recently-replaced wire into it’s socket.

“FORTHEEMPEROOOOOOOOR!!!!!” Methuselah bellowed. Ardens’ servo arm ducked down and hid behind the techmarine, poking its claw up over his shoulder a hair and quivering.

“Well that won’t do. The walls still have some paint on them. Let me try something else.” With that, Ardens disconnected the cable and turned to the workbench to grab another tool.

“…” said the Dreadnought, hydraulics and servos whining in protest as it tried to pull away from the servo-arm, who had taken it upon itself to adjust a few bolts and cables while Ardens’ back was turned.

“Stop that!” said Ardens, looking sharply at the servo-arm and shaking his finger. “If I have to tell you one more time to quit screwing around on the job, I’ll report you. The union wouldn’t like it if they found out about last week’s little mishap with the land raider. That machine spirit still won’t talk to me.”

The servo-arm bent down dejectedly, then flashed out and smacked the Dreadnought’s sarcophagus with a loud clang as soon as Ardens turned back to the workbench again.


Ardens picked himself up from the floor on the other side of the workbench, where he mysteriously found himself after that outburst from Methuselah’s vox-caster. Ardens had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t the volume of the bellow, so much as the flailing of the Dreadnaught’s close combat claw that had put him there. The massive dent in his shoulder plate confirmed that.

“Methuselah, how many times do I have to tell you no hit? NO… HIT! Another punch like that, and I’ll let the servo-arm have at you.”

“for the emperor?” asked Methuselah, its massive frame leaning to the side slightly in confusion.

“Don’t give me that.” Said Ardens, putting his hands back on his hips. The servo-arm began scratching the top of his helmet and making bunny ears.

“For the EMPEROR!” said Methuselah, stamping his massive feet and leaving divots in the plasteel flooring large enough to drop a full Space Marine through.

“What are you talking about?” asked Ardens, looking over his shoulder at the servo-arm, who shrugged in response and tried hard to look innocent. “That’s it, it’s back to the cabinet with you.”

The servo arm drooped once more, then pointed at Methuselah.

“I don’t care if he started it, I’m finishing it,” said Ardens in a no-nonsense tone of voice. “And quit being so petty, what did he ever do to you?”

“FOR THE EMPERORRR!!” said Methuselah.

“You keep out of this. You’re not being any help here.” Ardens said, turning back to the Dreadnaught. One of these days, you’re going to come back from a battle with a hefty bit of damage, then who’s going to help? I can’t do it all on my own.”

“For the Emperor.”

“That’s better. Servo-arm, say you’re sorry,” said Ardens. The servo-arm shook its claw. “Do it, or I really will send that report.”

The servo-arm drooped slightly, then motioned towards Methuselah in a conciliatory manner.

“FOR THE EMPEROR!” Methuselah lowered his lascannon from where it had been aimed at the servo-arm and began stomping out of the bay.

“Remember, thirty-five.” Ardens called after the hulking form. “And don’t forget to lube behind your ears and change your ball bearings once a week.” Ardens then turned and began walking back towards the front of his workbench and promptly fell into one of the holes made by the Dreadnaught.

3,544 Posts
Lol another nice bit of work here, made me chuckle :laugh:

have some rep!

Oh, and I got the image of a queer techmarine, was hilarious :laugh:

EDIT: have to spread rep around first.

Entropy Fetishist
4,249 Posts
Ah, this was one of my favorites of yours. It's nice to see it again.
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