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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am remaking "The Plague of Ostermark"! I will be making major re-works in the story, IE; Tortsen will not die till later, more vampires, more Chaos, more story!


ACT: I


Chapter one: "The Black and Green Scarecrow"

"Today I will tell you a story of fame, fortune, and glory." Our story takes place in Rottberg, a small county in the farming province of Ostermark, normally it is rather quiet, but not today, the merchants were in town. They were selling wares from all of the provinces, the merchants were also selling something that brought captain Artur Tortsen's attention, weapons from a small village on the outskirts of the province. "What are you doing here? I had not authorized this!" he said to the man. He replied "You can't authorize selling loot from rubble sir!" The Captain's face grew white, he knew what this meant. Richard, a bounty hunter hired by the general, had seen this and walked up to him, "It's Ranulf isnt it?"

The Captain replied, "Yes, it has to be! Last I heard he was leading a small warband through the north of Ostermark, I had feared that the settlement would be destroyed, my fears came true." He looked over to his left, he saw a man wearing a white mask and a red robe, he called one of his men over, sergeant Gunter Lockwood, "Gunter, do you see that odd man?" Gunter replied "Yes sir, what is he doing here?" The captain raised his voice, seeing if the man was scared of him, "I don't know, but this man has been coming here at this specific time of day for the last two weeks, I want you to find out why."


Gunter nodded and walked towards the man, he started to walk away, "Hey!" he yelled "Hey you!" The figure began to run away. Gunter chased after him, the man ran as fast as he could, pushing pedestrians over as he ran through the plaza, Gunter called for his men "STOP THAT MAN!" The man ran into a back alley, he was cornered by Gunter's men. "Nowhere to hide now." He said in a smug tone, the man looked around and then jumped onto the wall, using the loose bricks to his advantage, he scaled the wall in moments.

End Chapter one
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Chapter Two: Come in here dear boy, have a pipe.

"Sir, what in the name of the flame was that?" said a state troop. "I have no idea, but I know someone who does." They left the alley, and walked back to the market. He told his men to wait outside while he entered a store. A tall man in robes, a mask, black as pitch covered his face, carved into it were scriptures of an old language, and old and forgotten language, for good reason. He approached Gunter and said, "Watch the skies, they will be darker than ever." he then left the shop. Gunter walked up the the shopkeep, an old man, peering over his glasses. "Hello Hans, I was wondering if you knew anything about a man in the market today." The old man looked up, without any information he seemed to know exactly what man he referred to. "That man in the red cloak? This may come to a shock, but I believe that man is part of the order of the red. They worship vampires you see, and I advise you catch him before he causes any harm." Gunter was shocked, first Ranulf and now vampire worshipers. This would be a long month.

He thanked the old man and walked out of the store. He walked back the the captain, "Sir I have some bad news."

End Chapter Two
 

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I'll go ahead and admit, the only WHF I have ever read has been 2-3 pieces of fanfic (I mean I couldn't even get through LotR), but I'll go ahead and try to give you some feedback to the best of my meager abilities.

Depending on what you're going for, it reads more like an overview than a story, as though you had read this, and you were giving the general details.

Something that could help you out would be starting with this, then expanding each portion to play out more like a scene than a summary.

Hopefully this helps!

(Also, your signature distracted me, yay humanforsale.com)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Chapter 3: Not now John

"Sir, I asked Ricter in the shop, and, he says they are the order of the red, Vampire worshipers." The captain had a worried expression, first Chaos warbands, reports of Beastmen in the wood, Mazarut's goblin attack gaining momentum, and now this? Ricter's info has never been wrong. What was happening to this county?

The captain snapped out of his trance, "Get all recruiters in the county to work, we need a bigger army." he knew that if they would defeat this threat they needed help, and not just from mercenaries.

The day passes, no events other than the marketplace incident. The next morning, a solder sees something move, it wakes him from his stupor of night watch, he moves closer, halberd at the ready. He spoke with a shaky tone. "Who, who's there?" he walks closer and leaves the light. He hears something behind him, he turns quickly to face whatever horror is in the dark, and sees, a dog, just a small brown dog. "You scared me boy, I thought you were a vampire." something stabs him from behind, he sees a blade sticking out from his chest. "I am."

End Chapter three
 
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