Warhammer 40k Forum and Wargaming Forums banner

1 - 20 of 152 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So you want to be a Space Marine
Official Rulebook
Chapter one
1.Saying ‘your mom’ to any question posed to you by a Primarch is just cruel and wrong as they have no mother.

2.The golden throne is not a toilet and the Emperor is not constipated

3.its Guilemon, not ‘Gilligan”

4.Always send a guardsman to inform Angron that he has forgotten his medication.we lose more brother marines doing it ourselves

5.you may refer to a fellow marine as ‘Brother’

6.even if neither of you are black (not a racist comment just a joke don’t get upset anyone)

7.you may refer to a neophyte as ‘little brother’

8.be careful not to step on guardsmen

9.if you do wipe your feet before entering the mess hall

10.it may be true that you can digest anything but you may not digest guardsmen

11.the above rule also applies to using them as toothpicks



More to come! Add Your own!!!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,648 Posts
12. Having a bigger butt flap does not make you more of a 'ladies' man.

13. Spitting acid at Tyranid Xenos does not constitute a mating call.

14. But the reaction is funny as hell and will earn you the respect of the marine with the biggest butt flap.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Chapter two: names and phrases

16. offering remembrancers a ‘night to remember’ is prohibited

17. the emperors most holy name is not ‘Palpatine’

18. your commanders name is not ‘Adama’

19. Guilemon’s rival is not ‘Gargomel’

20. there is no daemon known as ‘the gravemind’

21. Alpharious LOVES to be called ‘the alpha male’

22. even if it is strictly untrue

please keep posting! I’ll have more l8r!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,092 Posts
24. Its not gulliman, its Pokemon.
25. When, in a particularly fierce battle, your soil yourself in fear, don't worry. Thats why we wear power armour.
26. It's completely legitimate to call the 'Black legion' the 'black sheep' of the family
27. Jump Packs are not to be used for trips to the shops for milk
28. Forgetting your keys is not an excuse for use of meltabombs within the fortress monastary.
29. Thou shalt not sneak a look at a brother marine's power sword in the shower
30. If the machine spirit can park the land raider better than you, you are a disappointment to the chapter.
 

·
Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
Joined
·
8,082 Posts
28. Forgetting your keys is not an excuse for use of meltabombs within the fortress monastary.
:eek:k: The best so far. Hilerous stuff Panda.

My contributions:

31. Thou shalt not use Bikes nor any of other vechile from the Chapter Armoury to "pick up" Sisters Of Battle.
32. Thou shalt not put a rare steak in-front of a Space Wolf if thou wants to keep it.
33. Thou shalt not refer to Imperial Guard Commissars as "Wana-be Inquistitors".
34. Thou shalt not "accidently" shot at a Salamander and claim that "you thought it was a Ork".
35. If thou art a Space Wolf, thou shalt not use your combat knife as a tooth pick.
36. If a Brother Librarian is sitting next to you, Thou shalt not ask him to use his powers to fetch the salt from the other end of the table.
37. Thou shalt not refer to Scout Bikers as "Boy Racers".
38. Thou shalt not use a Thunderhawk to just wip round the corner and grab a curry.
39. Thou shalt not use a Power Fist to give a Imperial Guardsman a "love tap".

If thou art of the Chaos Persuasion:

40. Thou shalt not refer to a Night Lord as a "Space Emo".
41. Thou shalt not refer to a Emporers Children Transport as a "Shaggin Wagon".
42. Thou shalt not say that Lucuis The Eternal puts "L" back in Latex.
43. Thou shalt not ask Tzeentch to tell your future.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
My contributions:

44. Thou shall not take the titan out for a 'spin'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
58 Posts
45. Thou shall not dress up in your companys chaplins armour and go trick or treating at halloween.
46. Thou shall not install a banging ICE system in a land raider when the tech-marine is gone off for a kit-kat and a cup of tea.
47. Thou shall not shout ''HEY BIG BOY'' when trying to get the attention of a dreadnought.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,648 Posts
48. No, the SPAM and Twinkies are NOT past their shelf-life.
49. No, you may not have a bolt-pistol holster/codpiece combo for the Emperor's B-day.
50. And NO! You may not store your squadmates' Twinkies in your own codpiece!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,630 Posts
51. Thou shalt not press the flashing red button on the thunderhawk.
52. If taunting a space wolf, thou shalt not put a fragmentation grenade in the aforementioned steak.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
53. Thou shall not tell your brother marines in Terminator Armor to charge a squad of Ork Killa' Kans because his Chainfist would make a great "Kan Opanah".
54. Thou shalt give the "fig" to the Xenos, Heretic, and Mutant just because.
55. Thou shalt not try to "purge the unclean" from a brother marine with a batch of Ex-lax brownies.
56. Thou shalt remember that though the God-Emperor is our Father, Payback was our Mother.
56(a). And that Payback is a bit**, so that makes you a son of a bit**. (hope this one does not offend anyone)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
57. Guardsmen are only rodents in the figurative sense
58. they do not have tails
59. and throwing cheese cubes at them in the mess hall is just plain mean
60. you will not refer to neophytes as 'freshman'
61. telling a neophyte that streaking through the officers quarters is part of initiation is prohibited.
62. though hilarious
63. you will not refer to your commanding officer as 'Big Brother'
64. and he is not 'watching you'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
67 Posts
65. You will not replace Rhinos transport tanks with real rhinos, however cool you think it would be.
66. You will not attempt to play fetch with a Space Wolf.
67. You will never get your chapters Power Armour, or the Power Armour of any other chapter, "Pimped"
68. Despite their Chaotic name, heretical fanatical bloodletting and general insanity, you will not try and accuse The Flesh Tearers or The Blood Angels of Heresy
69. You will never make any mention of this rule to the Emperors Children, or the Dark Eldar.
70. You will never refer to a Necron as "Johnny 5" in an attempt to humanise him before battle.
71. The Nightbringer does not have a horse called Binky, please do not attempt to find his hourglass.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
72. Thou shalt not call the Imperial Guard "Iggies".
73. Thou shalt not call Rough Riders "Pony Boyz".
74. Thou shalt not use sanctioned psykers as "target practice".
75. Thou shalt not call a Warhound Titan the "Battle Puppy".
75(a). ...as that title is reserved for the Space Wolves Chapter.
 

·
The Traveler
Joined
·
2,559 Posts
76. Thou shalt not eat toast in thine power armor. I just finished vaccuming the crumbs out of the toes.

77. Thou shalt not refer to thine Captain as a "drag"

78. Thou shalt not disobey these commandments!

79. Thou shalt not use thine combat knife to open thine pickle jars. Similarly, thou shalt not use thine Captain's chainfist to open can of baked beans.

80. Thou shalt ignore odd voices in thine head.

81. Thou shalt not try on a Sister of Battle's power armor to see how it compares to your own.

82. Thou shalt not hold a "kegger", nor shalt thou attend a "kegger" another is holding.

83. Thou shalt not "pimp out" thine Rhino.

84. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.

85. Thou shalt not do donuts with thine bike.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,615 Posts
:biggrin: (for the Iggy Pop reference)

86: Thou shalt not refer to any chapters with "Angels" in their name as "Fairies".

87: Epecially thou shalt not call the Chapter Master of the Dark Angels "Queen of the Fairies".

88: Or "Gaylord".

89: In fact it's best not to insinuate anything about Dark Angels being gay.

90: Or alcoholic.

91: Or "f***ing Goths".

92: While we're on the subject, do not say to the Master of the Raven's Wing, "Oi! Giz a go of your flying chair!"

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
67 Posts
93. You will always remember that The inquisitions chief weapon is not fear, surprise, ruthless efficency nor an almost fanatical devotion to the God-emperour. Its Atmospheric Incinerators.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,615 Posts
94: Space Marines are entitled to half an hour's holiday on the occasion of the Emperor's Birthday. This happy time will be given over to spontaneous celebrations. Spontaneous celebrations will begin and 6.00AM with a short parade, followed by speeches and the Loyal Toast. At 6.27 there will be three minutes of fervent flag waving. Any Space Marine not spontaneously complying will be handed over to the Chaplains. Then the Inquisition, for Atmospheric Incineration.

95: Never shouldst thou tell members of the Blood Angels Death Company to "cheer up, it might never happen". It already has.

96: Or say "D'you know how Sanguinius really died? Bit his tongue and sucked himself to death, ha ha!"

97: Nor tell thou a Space Wolf, "I used to be a Wulfen but I'm alright now-ow-ow-oooow!"

98: Never ever start a joke with "There was a Cadian, a Catachan and a Tallarn..."; it's just wrong.

99: Chapter librarians are not like other librarians. If one gives you "that look" it may be fatal.

100: Never ever bloody anything ever the joke "Why did the Emperor fall off the Golden Throne? Because he was dead!"
 
1 - 20 of 152 Posts
Top