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Heresy Online's Pet Furby
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Discussion Starter #1
Just found this floating around on facebook :laugh:



RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.
 

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Warlord of Vermin
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882 Posts
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

fucking brilliant

Vietnam war veteran's can be a little..........unhinged some times.
 

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Heresy Online's Pet Furby
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8,723 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I swear this is how I'll end up....
 

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Banned
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makes me glad I only have son's........ oh but then this will be their girlfriends' parent.
 

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Warlord of Vermin
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882 Posts
well if those boys are anything like the guys at my LGS you dont have anything to worry about


this one time i was hovering around the Lotr section of a GW when this girl (around 18-20 Yo) walks in. its obvious she is new to this store. she picks up a WD and then mutters "glue.....glue......glue" under her breath (she was standing right next to me) while the nerds stared at her. she then zooms around the joint scattering the other guys like birds, when she eventually comes up to me and asks where the glues are kept.

when she went to the counter the traumitised nerds manage to regroup and proceed to gasp and point at her while making faces. seriously its like they havent seen a girl before
 

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Premium Member
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12,830 Posts
Did any of them say "Dude! That's a Girl!"

Thank fuck I don't have kids. I would end up like this so much. Although Electric nail gun? A Hammer works just fine. I have seen this before, and pretty much every man who's seen it has been "that's me". Most of them aren't on speaking terms with their daughters until after university.

I remember one of my Sergeants being slammed by the CO for leathering the 19 year old university student who pulled his daughter at Fresher week. Turns out the CO was the 19 year olds father. 19 Year old then got a thrashing round the Parade square off the Cadet trainers as he was a Midshipman at the time to remind him not to go sleeping around. Gotta love military fathers.



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The Tinkerer
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832 Posts
well if those boys are anything like the guys at my LGS you dont have anything to worry about


this one time i was hovering around the Lotr section of a GW when this girl (around 18-20 Yo) walks in. its obvious she is new to this store. she picks up a WD and then mutters "glue.....glue......glue" under her breath (she was standing right next to me) while the nerds stared at her. she then zooms around the joint scattering the other guys like birds, when she eventually comes up to me and asks where the glues are kept.

when she went to the counter the traumitised nerds manage to regroup and proceed to gasp and point at her while making faces. seriously its like they havent seen a girl before
It's not really them I'm keeping notes for... she also fairly into sports so there will be a few teenage jocks to fend off soon too!!!

Gotta love military fathers.
I'm one of them... so there are extra minimum criteria to be met AND surpassed before permissions may be sought!!! :laugh:
 

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Heresy Online's Pet Furby
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8,723 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
My dad had this mentality. Door opens, date goes "Hey Mr. Cali's Dad, I'm here to pick up C-". Door slams shut. Dad yells up the stairs "Don't open any windows, the cops are shutting down a gang war outside!"
Class. :laugh:
 

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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
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8,082 Posts
My dad had this mentality. Door opens, date goes "Hey Mr. Cali's Dad, I'm here to pick up C-". Door slams shut. Dad yells up the stairs "Don't open any windows, the cops are shutting down a gang war outside!"
*Makes a mental note* Carry on.
 

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Angryman
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4,304 Posts
My daughter is 7. When she dates , her boyfriend will be a quadraplegic. Either before I meet him or after I dont mind, but thats how its going to be.
 

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Nice

I dated this girl once, I asked her dad if it was alright to take her to prom. He got upset and finally let me only because his wife thought i was a 'nice boy'. Best part is I had taken dance lessons, so when we got on the dance floor and we started doing ballroom dancing instead of grind... He was a happy father looking at those pictures. Wish more guys would respect girls so us nice guys didn't have to go through so much hardship with parents casting judgment before even talking to you.

But as the world is now, always be ready.

-Regards, Hydraulix
 

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my daughters dad passed away about three years ago now, but this would apply to her grandad....every single word of it. She asked me once what did grandad do when i had a date for the first time...told her he sat in his chair and did not leave the room except to go to the loo and even then he left the door open.....told her he would be about ten times worse with her then he was with me and...yup he was. lol its my son i could put this to, hes 21 and yeah as my daughter put it..he is such a male slut......and i am supposed to not worry about that!!!!!! lol errr Tawa can i nab this i know just who to send this too lol
 

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I'm one of them... so there are extra minimum criteria to be met AND surpassed before permissions may be sought!!
like blood group, next of kin....that sort of thing lol my dads British Army retired and he woul sit there and you could see it on his face...weight, how long it would take to cook by the pound and feed to the dog...lol
 

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I really hope that if I have a daughter at some stage I don't turn out like this. Over half my family are police.
 
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