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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Kaptin Starkilla was an Ork Freebooter with a notorious reputation in the Segmentum Tempestus, Known throughout the Segmentum as the Green Plague of Tempestus, some even going as far as to speculate that his influence was only succeeded by that of Kaptin Badrukk. He was a huge and intimidating beast, standing nearly twelve feet tall and his unearthly maw was lines with row upon row of huge fang-like teeth. He received his title of “Starkilla” when he engaged and annihilated a massive imperial fleet when he launched his capital Kroozer “Mork’s Teef” into the heart of an enormous Red Giant star, causing it to Supernova and destroy the entire imperial fleet, while he and his 3 lieutenants: Murg Skullbomma, Nogstompa and Zog-this wasn’t the Nob’s real name but due to his incredible stupidity he was dubbed Zog by Starkilla- escaped onto the deck of the smaller Kroozer “Gork’s Klaw”. They rode the energy waves released for light years on the small Kroozer.

The blast wrecked the Kroozer’s shields and killed a fair few Orks in the crash landing in the heart of a jungle on the imperial forge world of Antraxis. This is where he gained his reputation as a guerrilla warfare specialist, leading his lieutenants and the fifteen remaining Boys into a campaign of sabotage and assassination which lasted five whole years. Imperial generals were baffled. The strange events that were reported were seen as low importance as they all occurred in the Under-hive: Cut food supplies, poisoned water, mysterious murders all of which stirred the growing pot of anarchy in the Massive – planet sized city. Slowly but surely, heretical talk of revolution was heard through concealed whispers and meetings until The rebel leader: Thaddeon Malak led a plant-wide uprising, sowing panic and segregation into the populace. Starkilla made his move: Him and his Boyz infiltrated the palace of the planetary governor, a shrewd and ostentations man, and completely butchered their way through the Imperial Guard Veterans stationed there until reaching the governor.

“This ‘Umie’s mine boyz!” Starkilla snarled as he eyed the governor, standing defiantly up at him.

The ensuing clash was short: the governor landing perhaps two hits with his combat blade before he was smashed and ground into a bloody pulp by Starkilla’s mighty hammer – ‘Eadbasha- and his skull torn from his body as Starkilla claimed his prize. As the planetary war escalated, the Ordo Herectis arrived intent on quelling the heresy that Malak had begun. Meanwhile, Starkilla and his boyz commandeered a large merchant vessel and sailed off into the void of space, intent on adding as many boys to his mercenary band as he could.

Please Comment and feel free to make any suggestions and/or critiscisms! :victory:
 

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Just some nitpicks:

1) Space out your paragraphs. Most people ain't even gonna bother reading something like this, due to it not being spaced out. The fact that it is one giant blob of text is an eye-sore, I am sure you can understand.

2) Use standard text and make it bigger. I can see it fine, but the size of the text and the different form makes it harrowing to read.

3) Perhaps post it in the Original Works section, that way you will get more feedback, at least I imagine so. If you don't know where that is, scroll further down and you will find it..

Not bashing your work or anything; just giving some friendly tips :)
 
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