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Sorry I wrote that on my phone and didn't really have time to elaborate.

And actually forget what I said about the devastators, because you can only take x1 Heavy Support choice for an allied detachment so that would be illegal to take x2. You could however take a HB devastator for your primary, though RG are not known for long range support in their fluff and of course you wouldn't have bolter drill.
Yeah I think it's better to run Devastators in small squads. You don't really need x5 extra troops, because often they won't be firing due to Devies heavy weapons being long range and boltguns being short ranged. So you end up having x5 wasted marines.
Yeah, having ablative wounds is good if you have points to spare but x1 or x2 extra is the norm, to make a squad of x6 or x7. But for the most part I don't bother when running Havocs or Devies (I think it's more important to stick an extra man on Havoc squads due to leadership tests whilst it's less important to do it with loyalist SM as they obviously have ATSKNF). Honestly, you will be plopping them in a bolstered ruin so I wouldn't bother and would keep them minimal size: More points for killy units :)

I meant both scout squads: I have only run and have only seen run small squads of x5. x10 sniper rifles seems overkill, again you could pump points into more killy units if you ran x5. That said, 10 sniper shots per turn could be a serious pain in the ass. And you could always combat squad them to present x2 harassing units to the enemy rather than one large one.
How do you plan to use the other scout squad? I just don't see a role for a footslogging close combat orientated scout squad. With all the cheap ap4 weaponry in the game (think autocannons for 10pts a piece) I can't see them surviving long enough to actually charge, or if they do I am not sure if they will be any shape to fight...It's just a durability issue here. Again that could be rectified somewhat by halving them and adding a land speeder storm in the future if you wanted to add more models...This is all theoryhammer though so I could be completely wrong.

I think your core for your Night Ravens is a good setup: Shrike with assault squad infiltrating and the Rhino scouting rush. Playing to the RG tactics.

However, I think the Dawn Strikers do not make use of the IF tactics as well as they could, aside from the heavy bolter devies...Actually, just a thought here: Wouldn't lascannon or missile launcher devies be better because they get tank hunter? That seems like a massive boost to them against high AV targets. Heavy Bolter devies would still be good against heavy infantry though because of bolter drill. Depends what you want them to do out of the two: Tank hunting or infantry hunting.

Your fluff and concept is really good, just I think you could better execute it on the table: More long range options for the Dawn Strikers, more dakka. MOTF is a good choice though, he can shoot with your long range support units in the backfield.

Sadly, I can't really think of many alterations other than those presented above, as you cannot add any new units at the moment. But one thing I would definitely do is make the sniper scouts Night Ravens and the bolt pistol CCW scouts Dawn Strikers: This is because bolt pistols make use of bolter drill and would make them more effective as Dawn Strikers.
I'd also think about only buying x5 scout snipers and using the saved money to buy a land speeder storm for your assault scouts (who you also reduce to x5). This will give you pts to spend on maybe upgrading the devies to missile launchers (possibly with a flakk or two thrown in) to make a tank hunting unit that can also deal with fliers in a pinch if you go with flakk.

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