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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My Ork Story

The Mercenary Ork Klan ‘Nidcrushas were assembling for another defence against the Tyranids, although it was a small clan, all its members were veterans at dealing with Tyranids.
“Git ta yer defenses!” Roared the Nob, Zargof, “We said we do it fer da Humies, big ‘un, big pay!”
The Fire Sluggaz were ready, the Stormboyz were read, but not the support, they were leagues off.

“If dez suport no git ‘ere, I bash em gud!” Shouted Zargof, no one replied.
The clan quieted, they could here a rank slurping sound, and slowly the volume was rising.
“Theyz ‘ere, dem Nids” called Gorluz Madslasha, a newcomer to the Fire Sluggaz.
In the distance came the Tyranids, hundreds of them of all different sizes.
“Waaaagh!” screamed Zargof, and they all charged.
There was no other sound for the first few moments of the charge besides the ork’s battlecry, Waaaagh!

Gorluz fired his slugga at the Tyranids while he charged, stopping a gaunt’s stride then firing at the next, he finished the magazine with two more kills. Gorluz threw out the old magazine and slammed in another, he wasn’t even one hundred metres to the closest gaunt but he was accurate enough to take out a few more. during his next magazine he only took out one, but it didn’t matter, he drew out his choppa and threw down his slugga.

The impact of the collision of the two armies was enormous. Though there we heavy casualties on both sides, they didn’t retreat, they just fought harder. Gorluz used his choppa to cut through a genestealer’s neck, then was smart enough to parry an attack from a gaunt’s claw, his choppa easily lopped off its head, this was his fun, this was his past time, he loved and he excelled in war.

Half the Fire Sluggaz’ mob was killed, and the Stormboyz were down, and there was just less than one hundred Tyranids left, but the Orks knew this was the initial strike, not the main battle. One after the other the Orks retreated, all except Gorluz, he was surrounded, but he would not go down with out a fight.

Gorluz cleaved through two Tyranids, but they kept coming, he took some minor hits and then counter-attacked the gaunt in front with a double slash. Right when he started getting bigger hits, he saw in the corner of his eye an explosion, just out of reach of him, which took out most of the Tyranids, he knew it was the support, so he kept on fighting, but it wasn’t the same with the Tyranids, they were stunned, so he took out a few more then retreated back to safety.

Gorluz joined a group on a Wartrak and took the guns. After a few minutes of re-grouping, the support took off, riding past the corpses of the old battleground and heading to the army of Tyranids, the veteran army charged right into the enemy lines, tanks and all. The start of the battle was going at a one to five kill rate in the Ork’s favor, but still it wasn’t enough, the Orks didn’t have that many available.

Every Tyranid Gorluz killed, two more took it’s place, but he fought on, until defeat was apparent. With victory coming to an end, the Orks retreated, firing as they went, the Tyranids followed, being shot down one by one but seeming not to notice. When the Tyranids neared the Orks hopped out of their vehicles, drew out their choppas and charged, with the Warboss Gariff Out of his Battlewagon and on the front line.

The Orks charged, but not as a final stand, but a charge to victory. During the retreat, they took out a large number of Tyranids, enough to see it through.

The collision that followed was gargantuan, all of the Orks in the front lines were locked in grapples, trying to rip off head or gouging eyes. Gorluz gouged out a Gaunt’s eyes, then went for the kill with his choppa, lopping off it’s head then looking for another victim.
“Plenny ‘o teef ‘ere!” shouted Gorluz.
The Orks were gaining ground, and fast.

Gorluz picked up a dead Ork’s choppa, then threw it at the Hive Carnifex, which dug deep, but the Carnifex ripped it out with ease, then charged its newest opponent, but got no where near him, the lootas used there Lascannons and Heavy Bolters to take it down with no problem. The Tyranids Ran off, Frightened by the loss of their leader, but none survived, the Orks still had their guns.

During the battle, the Orks lost so much they could barely be called a Klan, but Orks individually prospered, losing so many teef that they could buy new weapons, vehicles and armor from other Klans, which was exactly what they did. Gorluz got new ‘Eavy Armor and a Combi-Skorcha.

What the Orks didn’t know was that they had just stopped the hive from destroying another planet, Gorluz Became a new Recruit for the Blaza Wartrak, which was the vehicle he rode to the main battle.

Please tell me if it’s good or bad or needs some more editing
there’s going to be more, if it’s good that is…

Ork story part 2

“Git ta ya trukks!” Yelled the Warboss over the sound of two dozen engines.
“Dis ‘uns rekked” said the Zargof’s Grot.
“Den Fiks it!” Shouted the Warboss right at the Grot.
They were fighting against Tyranids again, or so they thought.

When they were ready, they drove off into the distance, they stopped and positioned themselves behind their crude walls and bunkers. They heard the sound of marching in the distance, Gorluz took his binoculars and looked through, all he could see was desert landscape and small humanoid shaped silhouettes on the horizon.

“Humies! Humies! Not Nids! Not Nids! Humies!” Gorluz screamed at the top of his lungs, “Humies attacking!”
Most of the humans were holding something strange that the Orks had never seen before, then a strange floating pyramid appeared.
It stopped, and from it, more Humans appeared. The closer they got, the more apparent that these things weren’t human, they were skeletal abominations.

“Wot’r ya doin? Shoot da Gits!” The Warboss screamed
The Orks started shooting, and then the enemy started shooting. Even when large groups of enemies fell, they kept marching, seeming not to notice, coming like a never ending tide.

The Skeletons were getting closer with every step, at a close distance, they took on skeletal forms.
“Kill em!” Zargof shouted, “Kill em!
The was confusion for just one second, but one second was enough for the Skeletons to charge, enough time in that charge to get into close combat.

Gorluz used his Combi-Skorcha to first shoot an abomiation's face off, then incinerate the next one in line. Gorluz didn’t want to lose his Combi-Skorcha so he strapped it over his back, and then took out his choppa. He attempted to lop off the one of the skeleton's necks, but he barely even dented it. Gorluz threw down his choppa and brought out his Combi-Skorcha again, scorching the barely wounded opponent then shooting up two more.

Gorluz retreated back to the defensive line, where all the other Orks were.
"'It 'n run!" Shouted the Warboss,
They charged, taking out many of the strange humanoids, then ran back, but not all could, Zargof the Nob got torn apart by a few abominations before he could retreat, but besides that, there was only a small amount of Ork casualties during the charge.

Gorluz looked to the distance again, and saw that there was still the never ending tide coming his way. He thought that there had to be some weakness of these skeletons, after a few moments of hard thinking, he ran back, hopping into his Wartrak then shouting at the driver to take off towards the pyramids. Gorluz took the guns and off they went, shooting down a dozen of the incoming tide with the twin-linked big shoota and destroying anyone in front of them with their spikes up front.

When they got to the nearest floating pyramid, they circled around it, firing at it, but this was doing nothing, they tried grenades, this worked, but not well enough, they tried using Rokkits from their Kargo, most of the Rokkits did nothing, but a few well aimed hits destroyed vital parts. The floating pyramid fell with a giant thump, then exploded, they destroyed only one more by the time they ran out of Rokkits, but they had severely weakened the strange opponents, most of them would never be returning.

The Warboss noticed what was happening and shouting at his artillery to strike at the stange crafts, "Go fer da floaties!."
The Lobbas and Kannons started firing on the floating pyramids while the rest of the Orks tried to stem the weakened tide, destroying the rest with ease, some were still left to fight, including one massive skeletal abomination, very different from the rest, with a scythe. Not thinking properly, Gorluz charged the skeleton, scorching him with white hot flames. the Necron countered by chopping off his left forearm, Gorluz yelped, then scorched him again, melting some of his right arm, then shooting him up until he had large holes in him, the Necron fell. The rest of the army retreated because of low morale, then vanished, leaving no dead behind, a victory shout rang up throughout the whole Ork army.

"Da Humies takked us!" Yelled a very frightened Ork,
"Not Humies," Said the Warboss in a quiet tone, "Metal 'uns, Ded 'uns"

There were no bodies of these mysterious enemies left after the battle, the skeletons took them all. Gorluz became a Nob and got his left forearm fixed with a new mechanical one, he bought an iron gob and big horns as well as his own Grot.

Ork story part 3

Warboss Gorluz Madslasha… Warlord Gorluz Madslasha, Gorluz considered it, he had his own dreams in life. He wasn’t just an average Ork, he was an Ork that didn’t have a straight forward look on everything. This Ork thought outside of the box, he was a Nob, a high rank in Ork Klans. Gorluz was the biggest, toughest and most intelligent Nob in the ‘Nidcrushas Klan.

Two Battlefortresses and three Battlewagons, the Klan had grown much in the past weeks. Gorluz owned the first of the three battlewagons in line. All of the five large vehicles each had their own sleeping areas, no need to set up camps. The Klan was moving across the vast deserts, along a route marked by the Imperial Guard, the ones who hired them, to a location where they would do battle again.

The Klan stopped at the designated position, going into a circle formation. Gorluz’s Grot Grishnik Smalltoof fitted a small magazine into his Grot Blasta then hopped on Gorluz’s shoulder.
“Git ta yer gunz,” said Gorluz excitedly.
“Yes, to da gunz” repeated Grishnik.

The Klan waited, and waited, and waited, until they grew tired of waiting.
“Gimme yer Grot” said an Ork from the Fire Sluggaz, “I’m ‘ungry!”
“Shut yer face or me Grot’ll get da job ‘o killin ya!” Gorluz shouted.
The Orks in the Battlewagon silenced, they didn’t hear the shouting on the other vehicles, and there was just silence.

There was the sound of marching and the unmistakable sound of rumbling tanks, Gorluz looked to the distance, to see dark silhouettes heading towards them.
“Humies! Humies! Perial Humies!” shouted Grishnik,
Grishnik was right. It was the Imperial Guard, with Space Marines behind them.

“Fire!” yelled the Warboss from his own Battlefortess “Fire!”
Kannon shells, Lobba shells, Bullets and Zzap Gun shots started raining down on the enemy, who had surrounded them, the Orks were out numbered completely, but the Orks still had one advantage, they were on a hill, and the enemy was in the distance.

Spider like tanks came into view, along with hundreds and hundreds of small, fat, grotesque figures. The Humans were getting close, too close, it would soon come to close-combat, but Gorluz had a trick up his sleeve to keep the humans at bay for a while longer.

“Winin! Winin!” shouted Gorluz, as loud as he could, “Take ta dem! Let out da Runts!”
The Grots, not including Grishnik and a few others, took the bait and came charging out of a side door, then the Orks charged in to close-combat after them, barely taking hits. Only then did the Grots realize their mistake, they started to retreat, but got cut up, their legs were to small for them to be able to run fast.

With the Humans concentrated on killing the last of the Grots, the first few lines were easily wiped out. Gorluz strapped his Combi-Skorcha to his back and drew out his new Chainsword-Choppa; he stabbed a man in the gut, and then squeezed the trigger, accelerating the blades which caked him in blood. Gorluz went for his next victim, using his free right hand to smash his victim’s skull, and then using his main hand to slice another man in half.

Now the Humans stopped coming, and waves of the small grotesque forms charged them, which were finished off quick and easy. Waves of Space Marines wearing greenish brown armor with their guts showing came at them, with the spider-like tanks.

The Space Marines didn’t charge, they walked, but the Orks did and took down the first row with ease, but these were not normal humans and they were hard to kill, and overran the Warboss, ripping him to shred within mere seconds. Gorluz roared at the sight, and then cut down a few at first, then things changed, when a grotesque hound bit off his Metallic left forearm, he didn’t have a weapon anymore, so he retreated back to safety with Grishnak firing away on his shoulder.

All through the enemy ranks, there were shells exploding, but not small Kannon explosions, but larger explosions. Gorluz looked to the sky, to see aircraft with wings baring the Imperial Eagle, and larger craft he knew to be Funda ’awk Gunships.

The Orks knew they could not win, so they surrendered. Gorluz had his head down, with his hands up, and when he and the Klan weren’t fired upon; he looked up, and saw the Imperials coming towards him.
“Get up,” said the Commander in a friendly tone,
The Orks got up without saying a word, surely they were going to die.
“Who is in command?” he asked,
“Nun,” Gorluz responded, “’E ded”
“Who are your so called ‘Nobs’?”
A few large Orks stepped forward, including Gorluz.

In one of the Human’s camps, they talked about what had happened.
“Through the good will of the Imperium of Man, we will let you live, and your clan shall not be attacked by the Imperium unless you yourself attack us,” Said the commander to every Nob,
“That is the payment for your acts, we will be on our way shortly, and you will be treated for your injuries.”

Shortly after the Humans left, Gorluz spoke up, raising his left arm, with a new forearm made of the mysterious Living Metal,
“I klare meself new Warboss of dis Klan!” with no one strong enough, or skilled enough to challenge him, he was declared the new Warboss.

Tell me if this one is good, bad or need more editing please

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7,588 Posts
"Youz needz ta praktis yur Orkish! or iz da exposur to da humies makin yur boyz soft?"

Its a nice little piece as far as it goes mate but needs a look through for typos and some more facts in it.

How many boyz are in this combat? Why did Gorluz become Da Boss (what happened to the original one? Tooks what Gunz? Etc.

It will give it a bit more depth :D .

Keep at it, it has much promise.

905 Posts
seabovine, sweet stuff, the second part is a bit short and you need to get some info on crons, but considering you didnt, "floating pyramids" will do fine IMO.

109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I know i called them "floating pyramids," i know what they are actually called, but the Orks dont, so i didnt put it in, i did research on necron, and how they vanish, and i will keep to your advice

Editing will start in about an hour


141 Posts
not too bad, the plot is there, now u need some more decription and variety. The phrase "this did work" is a little bland to be specific. Maybe think about saying something like

"grenades scared the vehicle, but did nothing to stop it in its relentless advance toward the ork battle lines. Out of desperation they shot at the gargantuan structure with their rokkets. Many did little more than scratch the armor, but one penetrated deep into the mtealic hull and detonated causing the entire thing (for lack of better word) to fall from its mysterious levetation and crash into the rocky earth."

also try switching out pyramid, enemies, and huminoids with other words. it makes it feel a lot less repetative.

141 Posts
well once you mention their metalic skeleton bodies the readers will know they are necrons, so refering to them as the necrons in the narration wont be the worst thing ever and monolith is a generic term, so you could also refer to the pyramids as monolits. (just make sure the orks dont call them necrons and monolits) maybe think up an orky name that firts the necrons and if this fails some idead from the top of my head include:

craft (monolith)
leviathin (monolith)
keep writing
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