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76 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There were Triplet brothers all chosen to be ultra-marines. There names were
Noraa, Eoj and Ttam. The brothers were told that not all of them would survive
the Gene-seed process, but they had. As scouts in the field the brothers worked
together almost as one. The brothers spent most of there time training on
Macragge dreaming of there home world, The ocean world of Talassar. The triplets
younger Brother NIvlac was recruited and trained. As if from no ware the
scourge of the Tyrinids was on Macragge. The Triplets earned there right to
where power armor during one of the first bug attacks. The Brothers fought
hard during the invasion. During one Bloody battle the brothers found them
selves side by side with Marines Calgar. Calgar was impressed with the brothers
ability to fight as a single mind and assigned them to his command squad.
Through Out the battle for Macragge the brothers fought side by side with
there chapter Master while young Nivlac served as a Scout Sniper. During one
ecceptionally bloody tyrinid attack a charging Carnifex closed in on Master
Calgar. At the Last Moment Noraa Pushed Calgar out of the way taking the
Tyrinid's jagged horn through his gut. Calgar touched by the brave but sadly
unnecessary sacrifice commanded Noraa to be entombed in a powerful dreadnought.
Noraa and his Twins could not bare to be apart and Eoj and Ttam demanded to be
entombed also. Calgar Granted there request and for the first time the mighty
dreadnought was the resting place for more than one space marine.
" On the Field you Fought as if you were one mind with three bodys,
Now you may fight truly as one.". Young Nivlac stood by in rank as his
Brothers were entombed in the dreadnought chasie. As the battle for Maccrage
came to a close Nivlac was to Dawn Power Armor for the first time and Become
a ultra marine finally. It was not to remain quit for long, a distress call
was received by the ultra marines stating that a large hivefleet was
heading towards the brothers home planet of Talassar.
Nivlac volunteered to defend his home planet and requested his brothers come

When they arrived on Talassar it was worse than they feared it took all the
might of the small number of ultramarines just to steam the tides of
landing hive ship. For Years the detachment fought back agaist the tyrinid hordes.
Nivlac was promoted multiple time for bravery and had developed a uncanny
ability to command his men. After nearly a decade of battle Nivlac sent a
request for more troops and was denied . Feeling Defeat at hand Nivlac requested
to use the ultra marines gene-seed to create his own chapter to defend his home
planet. Calgar Remembered the triplets who fought by his side and invisioned
instead of three brothers one thousand fighting as one. " I will grant this for
you Nivlac of Talassar only if your first recruits are clones of your
entombed brethren for I see One thousand Fighting as one. You will Be the
blue hand of the emperor in a sea of alien abominations." Nivlac saw that this
was done and as his chapter grew he saw that though he had lost three brothers
he had gained 1000.

Years Passed and Nivlac's chapter grew from young inexperianced Scouts to a Proud fighting Force helping the ultramarines hold onto control of the eastern fringes of the galaxy. The hive ship that seemed to have all but consummed Talassar had slowed to a trickle of feral tyrinids on the outskirts. The Blue hand had grown to a powerfull fighting force who had cut there teeth on the horrid carapice of the invaders. The daily life and training of his force was secound nature to him but he felt a tension Growing amoung the ranks.
Nivlac had noticed a young scout sitting in the barracks alone on one of the few days of leave he gave his young brethren. The young man, Like all his troops, looked like his brothers interened in the great dreadnaught. The scout was reading a ancient tomb and was so enraptured with it that the scout had failed to hear his chapter Master enter. Nivlac slowly drew his bolt pistol and fired of a shot right above the mans head. The scout jump with a fright rolling to the ground and pulled his knife. When he saw nivlac he dropped his knife and lowered his head.
" Master, forgive me , I know as a scout I must be enternally vigelent." the scout said.
Nivlac was amused by the troopers reaction to him in the last 30 years he had still not gotten used to the image of his older brothers prostrateing themselves in front of him. Nivlac Recinized the young man as one of his scout Bikers. Only the highest ranking scouts were given the honor of riding the War bikes into battle.
"Rise scout, What is your name And what are you reading that it is worth dieing for?" Nivlac said in a stern voice he maintained for the youngest troops. Although the man before him was obviously nearing the end of his Combat training as a scout and was soon destened to wear the power armor that would make him brethren.
" I am Paul, And the book that I am reading could require no sacrifice that I would not give." The scout said as he rose and re-seathed his knife. The scout stood at attention not daring to say more than what was asked of him. Nivlac leaned over and fliped the book to its cover.
"The book of faith? You can have no greater acheivement than Faith to the emporrer. Follow me Paul." Nivlac Made his way through the chapter house. The pennants and battle standerds of past battles hung along the way. As they walk Nivlac talked to the young man.
" Where did you get the book from paul."
" Chaplain Cassius Left it for me at his last visit. I had asked some questions of him and he offered the book as if in answer." Paul said as if he was being lead away for punishment.
" Do you know why Chaplain Cassius comes to our chapter house?" Nivlac asked stoping in front of a hugh Feux-wood door.
" To Teach us the ways of the immortal emporer and to purify us before and After each battle." The scout spit out. Nivlac smiled and pushed the door open. The chamber in side was the holy Reclusiam. Nivlac walked to the great stone alter depicting the Emporer during his battle with Horus.
" Cassius comes because our chapter lacks a Chaplain of our own. He told me he would come and keep my brothers on the right path until he could pick a replacement. I have waited thirty years to see my Chapters Chaplain and now that I lay eyes on him I know that it was well worth it." Nivlac spoke as he walked to a chest behind the alter he entered the combination in the centurys old lock and the trunk opened with a hisss. The Chapter Master Lifted out piece by piece of a suit of Black power armor with the distinctive blue hands and boots. lastly he pulled out a crozius arcanum and handed it to Paul. Paul took it and kneeled infrount of the alter.
"At battle's end, speak the Liturgy in a clear voice, Respect the bravery of the living, Give the rite of passage to the fallen.
Honer the battle gear of the dead. To do all this with reverence, even when exhausted by battle and weary from the field, is the duty of the Chaplain. It is his burden and his satisfaction." Paul Quoted from the The book of faith. his head hung low in homage to the great honor bestowed apon him.
"Rise Chaplain Paul of the Blue Hand keep my brothers from the taint of choas and the slow rot of the heritic. For years to come you will heared my flock to the light of the emporer" Nivlac walked over and helped his young Chaplain to his feet. "do you have any thing else to say Paul?
With the smallest hint of a smile the new Chaplain looked his commander in the eyes and asked. " Can I keep my bike?"Nivlac Laughed out loud without meaning to and put a arm around his brother.
" Of course."


76 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
"When does he get here?" Nivlac said To the Techno Priest. Nivlac had never liked the odd little men
with there unusual prostetics and heratical robotic faces. The priest in front of him was no better, his left

arm lost or removed had been replaced with an akward away of pencil then pincer arms. His face or what

was left of it was awash with scar tissue on the right sie the horror was covered by a bionic monical which

glowed brightly in the deem corridor.
"The Transport should be arriving any time 'Chapter Master" The tech priest scratched

around his monical array with a small robotic arm which protruded from his shoulder." You have Waited

this long .. You need Patience."
Nivlac was not in the mood to be lectured by weak men. And the Tone of this particular techno priest was

wearing thin on the young master. at 63 yrs. old he was young for a Chapter Master with a life

expectancy well into the hundreds A space marine can expect to wait a long time to rise through the

" I have patiance I just want this entire farce to be over. I never liked the idea of shiping one

of my brothers all the way to mars so he could be raised close to the Machine God." Nivlac had sent the

infant away 18 years ago, he hadn't wanted to but in the end the safty and future of his brothers entombed

in the dread not forced his hand. After a period of meditation and a talk with Chaplain Paul he decided

that the lose of a brother for less than twenty years was a small price to pay for life times of care and

service to his only older brothers.

Nivlac looked into the night sky and saw the transport begin it's decent.
"It's Here." Said the tech Priest. Just to hear his own voice Thought Nivlac.
"You will be quite pleased with young Brutus. he excelled at every thing we gave him."
"I hope you did not forsac his Astarte Teachings. I WILL not have a Tech Priest Playing at

being a space marine." Nivlac followed the transport all the way down to the pad infront of him.
"We have given over plenty of time to your Teachings. All his implants are functioning nicely I

believe he will be the physical equal to any of his battle brothers raised on this planet.You Will Be

The Hatch on the transport poped with a hiss steam poured out the cracks. Once the fog

cleared Nivlac layed eyes on his Tech marine. The impressiveness of a full servo harnes up close cannot

be matched His four metal arms were painted red but the pincers were painted blue in the style of the

blue hand. Nivlac smiled at the paint it proved to him that no matter the distance this was still his

brother.Brutus used a manupulator arm to remove his helmet and knealed before Nivlac. The arms on the

servo harnes towered over Nivlac. but some how the penitence was not lost.
"Master Nivlac I have waited my whole life to come and join my brothers in defence of this

planet and the empire. I am honored to have been chosen as the keeper of our chapters technology."
Nivlac was pleased he had expected a raw recruit that would be behind until he was ready for

power armor."I don't suppose you have any battle experiance?"
"I have served as a guard on many field expeditions and Have fought off many Xenos."
"Protecting these puny martians does not impress me." Nivlac Pratically spat the words be he

did see potential. "Take off that armour around here we earn that privlage."A shocked expression hit

Brutuses face.
"yes sir." Brutus began to reach for the first of many clasps on his armour
"not here come to the Hanger."
"yes sir"
Nivlac walked the young man towards the large bay were his brothers slumbered between

battles.They walked through a large steel door and there surrounded by the tanks,bikes, and

landspeeders. was the Dreadnaught that was his brothers.
Nivlac pointed to some shelfs behind the Dread " You can put your Armour there untill you

fight in a few campaigns. all my brothers earn there power armor on the field of battle and you will be no

diffrent. Nivlac began to walk out of the hanger but notice Brutus did not move.
"Is it alright if I stayed in here sir?" Brutus asked
"It's fine Brutus but make sure you get some sleep b/c tommorow yuo will learn what it is like

to be aspace marine."Nivlac walked out of the hanger Knowing that his Brothers would be in good hands.

Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
8,082 Posts
Its got some potential man. Next time however try and stick to the sort of bounds within the 40K sphere of possibility though. To me some of it's just a little bit to covenant.

Also just mind your capitals, spelling and punctuation, I know its hard, takes ages and takes time away from your actual writing but it is really worth it in the end.

However you have got some good words and combinations and your Tech Priest description was good nice and "clicky/clawy".

One thing that really helped me was something called the Turkey City Lexicon. I've included a link below, its hints and unwritten rules that really open your eyes.


Keep practicing and writing its always good to pad out your forces with back stories and people do appreciate your efforts.

76 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks for the link I think I will get in on that I really appreciate your feed back.

What seemed conveniant.? the quick chapter creation?? well I am sure i could smooth those out in a longer story. sorry about the puncuation I am really bad at that stuff.

Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
8,082 Posts
Just that Space Marines don't request to make chapters, they are decreed by the High Lords, and making scouts into such postions of power straight away seems a little off. You know the sort of things, it just doesn't really fit with the process of becoming a Space Marine of any other chapter.
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