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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
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Ok the basic structure of it is good, however you have broken 2 or 3 rather important rules.

The idea that the 6th company is subject to frequent mutation is a big no-no especially with the 8th company already turn traitor. With a that amount of mutation in the chapter it would have been purged long ago I'm afraid. Pretty much the only way you can justify both of these is either have a Radical Inquistion patron pulling the strings or having a Inquistior or 5 seconded to every company.

Dreadnaught Romulus: There is no way that the Dark Angels would give any Dreadnaught away (nor do I think that DA would want to leave) to another chapter even if they were orded too. And even more so if he had been around since the Horus Heresy.

The gender issue: Sorry thats a real No, marines are male, thats the way it always has been, the way it always will be. That is one of the strongest rules in the book.

Now for the positives.

Really like the idea of the Templar teams, very nice idea. Kinda like Deathwatch (you could use their rules for them actually).

The climbing up the mountain to become one of the chapter, pure gold, very nice way of introducing the mountain idea right from the start. My susgestion would be to take it even further and make them a chapter of marines who specialise in fighting in the moutains etc so a relience on extreme specialisation rather than Tactical Marines.

Good base list and solid start, just need to keep it in line with pre existing fluff.
 

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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
Joined
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8,082 Posts
It's up to you, i'm just pointing out where it deviates from the conventions. Not that there is anything really that wrong with that, you might get some people that really pissed about it and you may wana have a back up story. Good to see your incorporating your mates into the story.

I taking it you use your 'Fallen' as one of the Templars?
 

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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
Joined
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8,082 Posts
I liked it up untill the dine in hell line, that was kinda when it got a bit to much for me but then again that was the one bit of the movie I didn't really like either. Nice work though, did like the vengence bit, very fluffy.
 
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