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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
this is my attempt at an Iron Man based chapter (excuse the name i know its rubbish but i didn't know what else to name him!)

The ‘men of iron’ are a chapter, that for unknown reasons defected from their so called successors the iron warriors.

No one can speculate when they defected, all is known is that one of pertabos advisors, tobias, rebelled and took 100 men, and fought his way of of his once beloved chapter. From those 100 men only half survived the onslaught and the other half were killed or mortally wounded. Starkt, who tried desperatley to help those who were loyal to him, only managed to save 10 whom were placed in stasis until he could salvage suitable bionics.

Tobias and his men stole an ironclad on their escape, despite the ships hull and controls being damaged beyond repair. This strangely, was the reason for his successful escape. The assumption was made that the ship was damaged and their was no hope for the crew. And even if they were alive, they’d inevitably end up in imperial territory which, would undoubtably lead them to their demise. Much to their disbelief, around 901.M41 (around the time of the badab uprising) tobias was said to be seen during a battle between the iron warriors and the imperial fists leaders. The once subordinate warsmith was said to have seen a vision, and called his name. This mistake led to the warsmiths death, but the imperial fists captain reported the incident to an inquisitor who, much to his disbelief, Recognised the name.

They are spotted from time to time, helping the majority of loyalist chapters and the iron warriors when unaccompanied by other chaos forces. Unfortunaley their predicament means they are repaid with hails of gunfire from sometimes both parties. They are still declared ‘Excommunicate Tratoris’, despite aiding the emperors finest when they are in a spot of tactical misfortune. They are also chased by the forces of chaos who see their heads as trophies and a warning to possible defectors. To add to their seemingly hopeless situation, they are also presently being hunted by the inquisition who see tobias as a high priority target due to his affinity with technology and mastery of salvage. Particularly with acertaining imperial technology such as a land raider, once left because it was thought to be beyond salvage.

At present, the men of iron stand at 200 men, many recruited from escaped prisoners given the chance to join their cause for forgiveness or risk being executed.
Tobias is the chapter master and the master of the forge or ‘Grand Warsmith’ as some call him. And he is the only known techmarine in service to the men of iron. Although recent reports say he trains those who he sees fit to lead and learn about the ‘Machine god’. Due to their origins they possess the mk3 iron armour variant, which suits their siege/close quarters fire fighting techniques. However from the original 50 that survived and the few tobias could salvage they possess only 60 suits of armour, 40 mk3 and 20 tactical dreadnought suits (not including those blessed with dreadnought armour). Only 150 are ready for battle the other 50 maintain the armour and their strike cruiser the ‘War Machine’.

Initiates are more commonly seen, and used very well by tobias who has proven to be a master tactician. The scouts are mainly used for recconisance missions to aquire abandoned technology and are trained to spot the machines and armour that are most likely to be successfully salvaged. They are also deployed in battle, mainly as snipers due to their unearring accuracy and natural ability for marksmanship. All initiates are required to have earned their marksmanship principles before even being considered a replacement user for power armour of any kind, this goes to show as they are rumours to have some of the best marksmen in the galaxy.
Their apprearance is red and gold, in a similar scheme to the iron warriors, with the red painted as a token of respect and loyalty to tobias and the machine god. Tobias has the opposite color scheme, and sergeants have black and gold chevrons on the face of their helmet while veterans have silver in place of the black
 

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well, other than the name (since it means "robots") i like the "chapter"

i do recommend that you put spaces between the paragraphs - just easier to read.

other than the few word changes & such id like to read more - nice start
 

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Discussion Starter #4
well, other than the name (since it means "robots") i like the "chapter"

i do recommend that you put spaces between the paragraphs - just easier to read.

other than the few word changes & such id like to read more - nice start
yeah my bad, i just copied and pasted it. i'll remember that next time! yeah the name is sort of cack i thought, couldn't think of much else. colour schemes and fluff is relativley easy but names etc i fail at! any ideas for a name?
 

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The whole confusion between this chapter and the men of iron robots is a bit of an isue, but i like the chapter, a new name, maby The Stark warriors... yes I name fail too.
 

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Nice start indeed. There were some parts that I had to read again to make out but otherwise I quite liked it.

The only "plot holes" I can think of at the moment:
-the Chapter is going to need apothecaries, as only they are able to recover the gene-seed from a fallen Marine.
-In addition, if there were only about 60 or so that actually made it out of the Legion, where are they getting the extra gene-seed?
-We know that there are about 200 or so "full" Marines, but how many scouts are there?
-Does the Chapter have Thunderhawk transports, or are they forced to use some other machines for deployment?

Also, my name suggestion: Forge Masters.

Red and yellow colour scheme, Iron Warrior Legion traitors, led by "Grand Warsmith"... yeah, to me they spell Forge, and as a bit of an insult to their former brethren, Masters.
 

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i like it even if it is an iron man rip lol plus rep
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Nice start indeed. There were some parts that I had to read again to make out but otherwise I quite liked it.

The only "plot holes" I can think of at the moment:
-the Chapter is going to need apothecaries, as only they are able to recover the gene-seed from a fallen Marine.
-In addition, if there were only about 60 or so that actually made it out of the Legion, where are they getting the extra gene-seed?
-We know that there are about 200 or so "full" Marines, but how many scouts are there?
-Does the Chapter have Thunderhawk transports, or are they forced to use some other machines for deployment?

Also, my name suggestion: Forge Masters.

Red and yellow colour scheme, Iron Warrior Legion traitors, led by "Grand Warsmith"... yeah, to me they spell Forge, and as a bit of an insult to their former brethren, Masters.
there are only 60 suits of armour so the rest are scouts. this is only because im trying to find reasons to love SM again. power armour bores me now. it doesn't look ornate enough imo. but this was just a brief idea. i wanted to try out my 'creative mind' which i seem to have done alright so far. but i appreciate the c&c (its the only way i'll learn! lol:victory:)

no offense meant, but they look like fast food condiments...
haha nah no offense taken mate! they kind of do now you said it. maybe they ride into battle on hotdog stands? shouting 'would thou'st have mustard, ketchup? both? HERESY!' maybe they throw offcuts of pork at thier enemies, destroying thier morale by making them question the health and safety apects of war? putting the whole battle into a debate rather than bloodshed? i like it VICTOIRE! :victory:
 
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