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Lone dreadnought

5747 Views 59 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  Todeswind
my stroy has no name as such explaing the inaccurate name. i could use a hand with I am take sugestions. and now with out farther adue,,

The air was heavy, wet with rain yet to come. It was silent not a noise filled the air save the wind and the rhythmic thumping of Dreadnought Elliot Vander legs. He stopped, sawed off Autocannons scanning for targets, with none are range he moved on though the thick jungle.

As he moved though the jungle a new noise filled the, a rustling of life moving though thick undergrowth. With out a thought Elliot turned and fire his search light up with a clank of high voltage come to life.

Nothing still he searched, then the light traversed a being, it was a 3 foot tall on two legs with 4 arms. A Hormagaunt and were there was one, the Autocannon roared to life killing the Gaunt and traversing it though the jungle for 10 feet to each side. As it fell Silent Elliot hyper sensitive microphone ears found no new noise. Turning slowly he kept moving pounding foreword in his slow way.

Suddenly he heard foot steps behind him. He turned just in time to see a Warrior to leap on him with a brood of Hormragaunts behind it. Smashing the warrior out of mid air with his fist he fire his heavy flamer into the gaunts, a few got to closer and he smashed one he turned for another (stepping on the Warrior that was just getting up) and hammered the last one one with his fist.

Turning again he heard nothing new. Turning he walked on, toward were he knew his brothers had set up defensive works. Darn that gargoyle that flew into his Thunder Hawks engine knocking it down. They had been on a seek and destroy mission, split the hoard keep less of it from attacking the defenses before ready and now he was all that was left.

He reached a log that blocked his path, if he destroyed it with his fist or cannons it might gather more of them toward him. The mark II dreadnought pattern was significantly more agile then latter marks, infinity more complex to be sure and parts were a night mare but even he could not climb this log.

Reaching down he tried to picked it up. His servos in his army wined, and he gave up out of fear of damage. Sighing inside his armor he decided to risk the attention and with his power fist glowing smashed it apart with 2 blows.
Whirling around he watched for any new Tyranids,,, nothing. He turned a kept moving a little while longer while shouldering his way though a mass of vines his foot hit something, metallic.

Kneeling down he looked to see what it was, brushing some of the vines and ferns that coated it. He found a water pipe. Turning one way he saw it run into the ground. The other end ran into the jungle. What kind of building was here in the wilds of Kelof IV? No habitation was listed as here. The chance to find civilians was great, his brothers could wait. One less Dreadnought was not going to make a huge difference.

He plowed into the jungle his ears always open for more Tyranids. He kept following for 6 yards and then got into a clearing, though it to was chocked with plants, just not trees. It was ringed with chain linked fencing backed with barbed wire, or it used to be in many places it was knocked down trampled by Tyranids most likely. In the center was a chapel some,7 story's tall, surrounding it were 9 some odd barracks. Elliot walked foreword toward the nearest barrack. Kneeing down he yanked the door off its hinge looking in he saw rows of bunks each with a rack next to it similar to the ones used to hold power armor back on Casandra. Standing up he kept looking, opening each one in turn until he had looked in all 9, nothing.

He approached the Chapel. It was a huge object made of a sort of local black stone lovingly crafted so each stone was indistinguishable from the next one solid efface of rock engraved with symbols of the Emperor. The doors then selfs would have been 12 feet high and likely a foot thick. No way he could break that, if there were not already broken.

Or rather melted they wood laced with Adamantium had a hole in just large enough for a dreadnought. It edges shined with acid that had not yet been dissipated due to weather.

He walked into the and found the floor coated with dead Tyranids and a rough barricade at the far end of the floor. He walking down the length of the hall toward the Barricade. At the end he found the men, in a manner of speaking. The floor around them coated in bolter shell cases were 50 some odd sisters of battle. Each one had died not from the Tyranids but from a single bolter round to the chest. They had rather die by human hand the by the inhuman monsters that were the Hormragaunts.

He imaged the last moments, bark of bolter, screech of Hormaguant, the howl of heavy bolter the screech of a Gaunts in there death throws. He raised his arm and gave them the only thing he could, he fired his heavy flamer cremating them prevention them form being consumed by the hive and walked on, he ran into 4 more such barricades and in turn he torched the dead behind them. As he kept exploring he heard a noise in front of him, as quietly (as a 8 ton dreadnought) could he saw a brood of some 48 Hormaguant scrapping and gnawing on a door. Aiming his left arm he fired his autocannons there roar filled the silent chapel echoing, reverberating though out. The Gaunts upon seeing him charged only to be cut down to the last before they got near. Walking foreword he reach the door, already heavily pitted with marks of acid from there maws.

Reaching down he grabbed the door and ripped it off its hinges. A scream filled the air followed by the chatter of a bolter. He let them ping of his armour “at ease sister, I am no monster.” when she walked out he got his first look at her. She was young no more then 19, he thought sadly, with long brown hair and blue eyes. She was trying hard to look stern but relief was was oozing into her very form

“thank you for the rescue.” she took a deep breath “what happened to my sisters?”
Elliot responded “dead I did what I could which was preventing the swarm from there body's, but why are you here? And who are you?”
the sister "I am sister Gawain of the Order of Metal Martyrs, and was I defending,” she shrugged “something I don't know, never told me the real reason. You?”
Elliot spoke his low synthesized voice rumbling “I am Elliot Vander, former Captain of the 3erd company entombed upon single handed defeat of a Avatar, attached to task force Arctic Thunder for operation armored spider.” he wondered how she would react.
“I asked for a name not a title.” well that much as clear, she had spunk.

“fair point. Let us leave we need to get to the rest of my chapter from the,” she interrupted
“not with out Saint Barbaros Bullets.”
Elliot questioned “who?”
she waved her arm “follow me.” she walked down the hall way with Elliot following. “Saint Barbaros was a holy Ecclsarch who's home word was invaded by Chaos he single handedly save his word rallying defenders in a firestorm of faith and led them to battle. He lead the attack against the Chaos and in the Final battle he defeated the Chaos Lord in single combat. During 4 year long war that started with the heretics landing and ended with the death of the lord he used ever weapon the Imperium arsenal, Autogun, Bolter, lasgun Heavy Stubber, every thing. This shrine to ,insure it purity, has a bag of casings from his Bolter, Canticles of Purgation, which he used to defend a shrine from a heavy push of chaos the Canticles killed thousands of mutants, traitors and heretics that day the shells from that battle were gathered by the Pure and were carried as a standard of purity. How they got here is, fuzzy you know the state of Imperial records.”

Elliot would have nodded if he could but he was a dreadnought. He though was eying her. She had wound hidden under her robe, though a bolter was hung at her hip she wore no armor. The pain had to be intense from his memory he know only the sheer adrenaline was keeping her up.
“your wounded.” it was a matter of fact.
“a Tyranid got me before I manged to get into the shrine.” he was confused
“why does a chapel need shrines?”
“solitary mediation and prayer.”
“oh” when we got to the back of the chapel we got to a door to small for the Elliot “go sister I will defend the door.” she nodded and entered,

she walked down the hall way she then ran into a solid Adamantium door reaching into her dull red robe and pulled out a cylindric piece of steel the size of her fist engraved with a cog with the Imperial eagle in side the hollow gear on one side the other a simple device of praying hands. Fitting it into a slot she turned to the right, left right then she pulled it flipped it round and push it into the same slot. The door gave a hiss and opened sliding into the wall gently. The walls of the chamber were lined with suits of power armor, bolt guns, frag grenades, melt guns, flamers every thing a Commandery of sister has want of on the field of battle.

Approaching a suit of armor the pain of her arm hit her hard, her legs trembled and gave way she fell against a wall and turned it into sitting down. Wrapping the blood soaked bandage tighter she fumbled in her robe for another pain killer/adrenal shot. Feeling better she stood back up and approached a suit of armor she took off her robe and put each piece of armor on in turn, chanting quietly under her breath. Once the armor was on she put the robe on top. Reach into her pocket she slipped the shots into the suits internal drug dispenser.

Moving on she grabbed 8 more clips of bolt gun ammo, and 4 frag grenades. Slinging a Melta gun over her shoulder she moved deeper into the shrine. At the rear of the armory/shrine were 4 plain pillars. Each tipped with 10 round of bolter ammunition. The round them selfs were lovingly crafted a simple brass casing refitted with a primer, powder and bullet. Holy rounds of ammunition the bane of chaos each bullet forged by a true Martyr a living saint. A intricate clip engraved in gold with the life of saint Barbaros sat in the center piller. She took the clip carefully with great deference and careful not to so much as scratch the bullets filled the clip and hung it on her belt.

She walked out to meet with Elliot once there she looked up and told him
“we can leave.” as they both began to walk out of the chapel. “ok Elliot were are your brothers?” she asked looking around the jungle
“to the north. Follow me.” the walked on the sister just ahead of Elliot, who had noticed the Melta gun. “I see you brought a melta gun, for me?”she turned and looked sharply at him.
"Its for Carnifexs and Hive Tyrants. You impute my honor of a sister of battle in suggestion I would attack my rescuer.” Elliot spoke up trying to put as much apology in his artificial voice as he could
“you are right I am, sorry forgive me please.” she stopped thinking how many marines had she met that were so prompt to beg forgiveness.
“Apology accepted, lets move out its not safe here.” the walked on to word the base, a moment faint, so faint only Elliot artificial ears could hear it, gun fire opened up ahead of them.
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Ok here, looks cool, but there are two things that bug me about this. Some of your paragraphs have fallen victim to the "Wall of Text" desiese. Some paragraphs could be spaced out.

Also, for if you are planning for tons of dialog, the format should look something like this:
A
B
A
B
A
B

Helps the reader to distinguish the dialog apart from each other, also its easier to follow through. In the end, it looks good and keep up the work.
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