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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This is a story about the World Eaters legion

Siege of the Emperors Palace

All that could be heard from the berserker's of Khorne were cries of pure blood lust,'Skulls for the Skull Throne' and 'Blood for the Blood God'

"That is the best fight of my life" screamed Crull as he used his bare hands to decapitate a Loyalist assault marine, showering himself with blood and gore, hungrily looking for another opponent.

"Aye, it is, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" his Captain bellowed in reply throwing away his terminator helmet and wildly swinging his blood drenched power axe, finding no opponents left, he yelled out to his terminator guard "On me terminators let us find some new skulls" and the teleported away from the carnage they caused.

Then suddenly their teleporters stopped working and they saw summoned daemons disappear, and the Blood Angels go berserk and charge the chaos terminators who counter-attacked with gruesome results; every Blood Angel who attacked had died

A blood soaked Crull picked up his chain axe and looked to his wild-eyed captain for orders.

"Captain, where now?" Crull asked wiping blood and sweat from his eyes "Angron is ordering us back to our ships, do we teleport?"

"yes" muttered the obviously berserk Captain Gregor, his face covered in the blood of his enemies" we teleport back to the spaceport,we defend Thunderhawks, and we get off this planet,Understood?"

"YES CAPTAIN" replied the terminators activating their teleport devices and instantly appearing at the entrance of the Eternity Wall spaceport, meeting with other World Eater terminator squads and the Primarch Angron commanding the defense.

"Lord Primarch where do you need us?" asked the captain

"AT THIS DOOR!" Bellowed the towering daemon primarch "STAY HERE UNTIL I GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL TO TELEPORT!"

"My lord" the captain replied with a bow and the squad took their positions beside their father and brothers, repelling the Loyalist assaults, each terminator was fighting in a pool of blood, but Angron was wading in a sea of it,shrugging off bolter hits, killing Loyalist Marines as easy as he could kill insects, his hands covered in blood and his axe spliting marines from head to crotch like a knife through butter, but also many terminators fell; to the snipers of the loyalists, the sheer numbers of enemies and to the bloodthirst of the berserk Blood Angels

Then finally with a roar of disappointment and rage Angron ordered "BACK TO THE SHIP!" and the terminators teleported back onto their ships.
 

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Then suddenly their teleporters stopped working and they saw summoned daemons disappear, and the Blood Angels go berserk and charge the chaos terminators who counter-attacked with gruesome results; every Blood Angel who attacked was dead, each sporting decapitated heads, dismembered limbs and organs hanging out of chests, some were even ripped apart!.
Just something I didn't like as a reader. It's already pretty apparent, and you're just belting us again in the face with that exclamation mark.

"Captain, where now?" Crull asked wiping blood and sweat from his eyes "Angron is ordering us back to our ships, do we teleport?"

"no" muttered the obviously berserk Captain Gregor, his face covered in the blood of his enemies" we teleport back,we fight our way to the Thunerhawks, Understood?"
I dunno about that, the Captain seems to contradict himself? Perhaps it could be put more clearly.

Otherwise, it's a nice piece of fluff.
 

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yea the blood angels are about the only chapter frenzied enough to take on the mighty blood gods folowers. kill miam burn!! and yes i did get confused about the captains orders aswell. good fluff not enough khorne stories.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
As the crowd roared at the sight of first blood the gladiator seemed nervous as he circled around his opponent.

"You still afraid after I let you hit me? I had such high hope for your fighting skills, I though you might have distracted me for longer, no matter" and with a savage roar the bare chested Crull grabbed the throat and feet of the captive gladiator and yanked.

as he walk into the gladiatorial pit's cool, dark interior, covered in the blood of his enemy and the spine and head of his opponent over his left shoulder he nearly walked headfirst into the chest of his sergeant Gregor "Out of my way fool, oh it's you, what do you want Sarge?"

"Gather your gear and report to the spaceport, we have orders to form up with Angron's fleet, word is we're in for a treat" ordered his sergeant, who's recently acquired daemon rune sword was growling from it's sheath the daemon eager for the slaughter to come.

Weeks later on board one of the warband's ships orbiting a imperial outpost the anticipated order to drop to planet's surface was heard by Gregor's terminators squad, who had literally fought their way into a drop pod going to the surface, and with a hiss of air the pods docking clamps realeased it's deadly load onto the unsuspecting planet below, thus began the Dominion of Fire....

to be continued
 

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Discussion Starter #10
As the high priests of khorne sacrifice the eighthundred and eighty-eight humans to garner Khorne's favor for the coming battle, they empty the bodies of the sacrificed blood into bronze vats and boiled, pile their skulls and all the while chanting prayers to Khorne, the berserkers of the warband already savoring the slaughter to come.

Then Khorne shows his favor by thickening the skies with blood red clouds, with thunder pealing, all for the universe sounding the berserk demonic laughter of the Blood God himself, but then the rain of blood falls from the skies showering the beserkers in gore and blood.

And then when berserkers lose all the self control they retain they charge, each one looking like a scene from hell, Gregor's terminator squad were at the thickest of the slaughter, for that what it was , because the fight had left the Imperial defenders,who died in droves, because each berserker was trying his hardest to outdo his fellows, and to revel on the joyous slaughter and decend into the maelstrom of gore.

"Yes this is a great fight, PRAISE KHORNE!" roared Crull over the clamour of his warband's warriors fighting, to nobody in particular and he got replies of 'aye ', 'yes' and 'quiet fool I'm tryng to kill!'

"well, well, well, this is going to be a GREAT DAY!" Crull thought to himself as his chain-axe rose and fell in arcs slaughtering all in his path even some allies too.......

to be continued....
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
The landscape was red, rivers had now become choked with bodies of the slain and the sacrificed alike, the last remnants of the planets populace cowered in holes, fearing the coming of the demonic blood warriors, and entire worlds shook with fear at the mention of Khorne's name, during the Dominion of Fire, the blood of many flowed hot and free......

"errrrr DAMN THIS HOLE" roared the Chaos Lord Crull as he looked back to the time of slaughter he had enjoyed before he landed on another ice-world similar to the planet Lorn V, from where he started his campaign towards Segmentum Solar, "DAMN THOSE FOOLS, THOSE MORONIC ORKS ARE BOGGING DOWN MY WARRIORS"

"My lord the Orks have pushed through to the titan and have disabled it's remaining weapon systems surviving the crash" reported Crull's new sorcerer lieutenant Abdul Hellsfury

"WHAT FOOL?" Crull roared, in his anger he turned onto one of the heretics accompanying his retinue, his rune sword burning with a blood red flame as it hacked the unfortunate human in half, "I AM SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENTS! I ORDER YOU TO TAKE BACK THAT TITAN AND IF YOU FAIL, DEATH WILL ONLY BE A BLISSFUL RELEASE!"

"at once lord" replied the sorcerer trying to placate his temperamental commander, full well knowing if the berserker went off he could kill the sorcerer easily.

"BEGONE!"

and without a further word Hellsfury disappeared into the warp, and reappeared at the foot of temple to Khorne, looking for the blessings of the Blood God....
 

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As Abdul stepped out of warpfire that wreathed his body, walking towards the towering edifice of the Blood God. No sooner did he enter the doorway than the bronze altar errupt into flame, boiling the river of blood running down its sides and sending a wave of raw psychic energy crashing into him, driving the towering space marine to his knees clutching his head and clenching his teeth against the pain.

"Rise Warrior" rumbled a deep stentorian voice tearing though the pain and blotting out all sound.

"Who are you?" asked the sorcerer

"Who else could I be worm, you swore many blood oaths to me and now you look to curry favor for the coming battle" replied the voice in the flame

"K-k-Khorne?" replied the psyker, barely keeping the trepidation out of his voice" Mighty Blood god what is your wish?"

"I command you to gather sacrifices, ork, human it does not matter, but once you gather eight-hundred and eighty-eight souls and create a tear in reality, my personal champions will arrive and assemble under your command" replied the war deity "But my blessings will be temporary until you have proven beyond a doubt; by killing all who remain on this planet, and giving up their souls to me"

"Yes Lord"

"Put your hand into the fire and recieve a reminder of our bargain"

As Hellfire placed his hand into the flame and felt the most excruciating pain in his life and was bodily thrown back into the wall and blacked out.......
 

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Nice, very nice. I've heard it's difficult to write about Berzerkers (as the only real order most people think they understand is KILL THEM ALL!) but you pull it off well! Keep it up!

-Dirge
 

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Discussion Starter #17
i know this story has minor fluff problems but Khorne isnt a stupid god he would allow some psykers to live, but demand extreme feats of arms from them, more than any khorne lord had to do for his position
 
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