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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Foreword: What follows originated in a talk I had with a friend about the difficulties of adapting an existing "property" to the 40K universe and whether it would be possible. As a writer, I said it could be done and here it is.

May the God-Emperor have mercy upon my soul for I know you, the reader, will have none.

Elements of Order, Episode 1, Part 1, Section 1 (of 3)

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal brothers who ruled together and created order for all the land. To do this, the eldest used his alicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus the two brothers maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of marines.

But as time went on, the younger brother became resentful. The marines relished and fought in the day his elder brother brought forth, but shunned and slept through his beautiful night.

One fateful day, the younger alicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn.

The elder brother tried to reason with him, but the bitterness in the young one’s heart had transformed him into a wicked demon of darkness, Nightmare Moon. He vowed he would shroud the land in eternal night.

Reluctantly, the elder brother harnessed the most powerful magick known to humanity, the Elements of Order.

Using the magicks of the Elements of Order, he defeated his younger brother and banished him permanently in the moon. The elder brother took on responsibility for both
sun and moon….

“…sun and moon.

“And order has been maintained in Equestria for generations since….” Hesperos scrutinized the vellum pages, hoping to wring out more meaning. “Hmm, Elements of Order,” he tapped the page, “I know I’ve heard of those before,” he rubbed his chin, “but where?” He looked up from his tome and stared off into the sky.


Hesperos strolled along one of the paths within Canterlot, the fortress-monastery on Equestria when he was brought up short.

“There you are, Hesperos.” Three of his battle-brothers stood where the path had risen to a gentle rise. “Moonstrider is having a training exercise in the West Castle courtyard. You want to come?”

“Oh, sorry battle-brothers. I got a lot of studying to catch up on.” He emphasized this by glancing down at the tome he carried. He gave a sheepish grin and pushed past.

Watching his retreating back, one battle-brother then turned to the other, “Does that librarian do anything except study?” Looking back at Hesperos, another battle-brother chimed in, “I think he’s more interested in books than brother-marines.” All three turned their backs and walked away.

“I know I’ve heard of the Elements of Order,” Hesperos did not slacken his pace as he headed back toward the librarium. So intent was he that he did not slow or even acknowledge a greeting from another brother-marine. Then, at last, he was trotting up the steps to the librarium tower.

Meanwhile, inside the librarium, a singularly unique servo-skull was hovering toward the double-door entrance. Crafted from a human skull in the past few years, it was quite “young” compared to the others of its kind, which were centuries or thousands of years old.

Bony crests emerged from just above the nostrils and ran from the frontal to occipital bone. Two more crests sprouted from either side, just above vox-receivers, which had replaced the ears. A vox-grill shut and masked the jaw and teeth. The visual sensors implanted into the eye sockets were not the standard ruby-red, but an emerald-green. Still attached to the occipital bone, was a tail of several vertebrae that contained telescoping arms, manipulator claws, and other tools. The entire servo-skull had been coated with adamantium, after several earlier mishaps. It had a limited AI and answered to the designation “Spike.”

Spike currently carried a small box wrapped in rather festive parchment in its under-slung claws.

Hesperos strode toward the double doors and shoved them open. Unnoticed by him, over the booming echoes, there had been the sound of a door striking something, followed by the sound of something bouncing along the stone floor of the library for quite some time.

“Spike! Spike! Spike?” Hesperos located the servo-skull attempting to rise off the floor. “There you are. Quick, find me that old copy of Predictions and Prophecies.” Hesperos strode past and up more stairs to the librarium main floor.

Hesperos glanced over to see if the servo-skull was obeying his command. “What’s that for?” He glanced down at the crushed box impaled on Spike’s spiny tail.

Spike curved its prehensile spine toward its visual sensors and pulled off the impaled box. “Well, it was a gift for Moonstrider, but…” It trailed off as miniature bear cloth-golem fell to the floor.

“Oh, Spike. You know we don’t have time for that sort of thing.” He paused at a stack. Casually, he pushed one book to the side after glancing at its spine, the one beneath it followed the other’s tumble to the floor. He paused and looked backed at the servo-skull.

“But we’re on a break!” The servo-skull bobbed in the air.

Hesperos sighed. Looking around, the librarian spotted a likely candidate. His psychic hood’s circuitry flared with power; the large leather bound tome flew off the shelf, its spine slamming into his outstretched hand. He glanced at the lettering. “No.” And he promptly opened his hand and dropped it. Another flew in, hovering before his face. “No.” And another fell to the floor. Then a pair flew in; one hovered in pace an arm’s length away as the other came close and was dismissed. “No.” And then three more arrived. None of them were it. He gave a grunt of disapproval. “Spike!”

“It’s over here!” The servo-skull had replied, hovering from near the top of another bookcase; the tome held in one of its under-slung claws.

Impatient, Hesperos pulled the tome and as a consequence Spike toward him. As the servo-skull crashed into the floor once more, he leaned down and peered at the book in the servo-skull’s outstretched claw.

“Ah.” Nearly two dozen tomes that had been floating around the librarian fell to the ground with a clatter as he reined in his power. Turning, he walked toward the nearest lectern, the tome bobbing in the air after him, concern for the servo-skull forgotten.

Spike rose, its glowing green eyes took in the books strewn about the floor. It emitted a sigh from its vox-grill. Unlimbering its arms, it set about re-shelving the tomes.

At the lectern, Hesperos muttered under his breath. “Elements, elements, e, e, e….” He did not trust himself, or rather his power armored gauntlets to turn the pages. The flare from his psychic hood cast shadows on the turning pages. He had found the phrase that had puzzled him during his earlier reading. All the entry contained was a cross-reference, “A-ha. Elements of Order, see Marine in the Moon?”

“Marine in the Moon?” Spike paused in its re-shelving attempts, “but that’s just an old wives’ tale.” It turned back to re-shelving.

“Marine, marine….” Hesperos now stood on a second-floor balcony, the pages of a reference tome flashed by as he skimmed it, trying to track down the elusive phrase. “A-ha.” And he began reading, “The Marine in the Moon. Myth from olden times… a powerful psyker who wanted to rule Equestria … defeated by the Elements of Order and imprisoned in the moon…. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year the stars will aid in his escape and he will bring about nighttime eternal.”

Hesperos turned away to locate the servo-skull, “Spike, do you know what this means?”

The servo-skull paused in the act of re-shelving another tome. “No.” With its focus elsewhere, it did not notice the tome slipping from its grasp. At that moment, its anti-grav field fluctuated. “Whoa!” The weight of the tome it held and the stack in its other claw overloaded its anti-grav unit completely and it plummeted toward the library floor.

Hesperos caught the servo-skull. Its adamantium-reinforced crests marred the blue armor revealing the ceramite beneath. He waited for a moment for the servo-skull’s systems to compensate before tossing it into the air where it righted itself.

“Take a note, please.” He began to pace around an hourglass that dominated the center of the librarium. It was taller than he was. “To the alicorn lord.

“Okey-dokey.” It extended its arms, flourishing quill above a sheet of parchment.

“My dearest teacher, my continuing studies of equine magic had led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster—”

“Hold on. Pre-si… pre-cy….” Spike stopped and looked over at Hesperos.


Spike put quill to parchment, “Thu-re….” It paused again and looked back at Hesperos.

Hesperos wondered if the servo-skull had taken one too many falls. “Uh, brink?”

This time, Spike lowered not just the quill, but the parchment as well.

“Ugh—that something really bad is about to happen.”

Spike commenced writing, the quill scratching furiously against the parchment.

“For you see, the mythical Marine in the Moon is in fact Nightmare Moon and he’s about to return to Equestria and bring with him eternal night.”

He had taken to pacing directly in front of the hovering servo-skull. “Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I await your quick response. Your faithful student, Hesperos.” He stood before the great glass windows of the library, looking out at the city.

“…Hes-per-os.” From behind him, the servo-skull replied, “Got it.”

“Great. Send it.”

“Now?” That one syllable managed to convey its doubt about this course of action succinctly.

“Of course.” Hesperos turned away from the windows to look at the reluctant servo-skull.

“Uh, I don’t know Hesperos. Alicorn Lord Sidereal is a little busy getting ready for the Summer Sun Celebration. And it’s, like, the day after tomorrow.”

Hesperos stalked over. “That’s just it, Spike. The day after tomorrow is the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration. It’s imperative that the alicorn lord is told right away.”

“Imper-a… impear-a—”

“Important!” Hesperos leaned in as an errant flare of psychic energy sent the servo-skull tumbling back into a bookcase.

“Okay, okay.” Spike rolled up the parchment and sealed it with ribbon and wax. It drew air through its intakes and shot a flame made green by its copper vox-grill at the parchment. As the scroll burned, Spike’s green eyes glowed brighter. “There it’s on its way, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.” It brought an arm up with one talon extended in an approximation of a finger wag.

“Oh, I’m not worried, Spike.” Hesperos turned back his head to look back at the servo-skull. “The alicorn lord trusts me completely.” He began to walk over to Spike. “In all the years, he’s been my mentor, he’s never once doubted me.”

The servo-skull’s eyes flared and a flame burst from its vox-grill, followed by a tickertape of parchment.

“I knew he’d want to take immediate action.” Hesperos walked over to the glass windows once more to look out over the panorama.

Spike held up the parchment, “Ah-ahem. My dearest and most faithful student, Hesperos, you know that I value your diligence and I trust you completely.”

At the window, Hesperos practically preened.

“But,” and here, a hint of a smirk crept into the servo-skull’s modulated voice, “you simply must stop reading those dusty old books.”

Hesperos’ intake of breath echoed in the librarium.

End Section 1.



1,725 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
i can't tell if your talented or blasphemous,either way nice work.
Can't I be both? :biggrin: Thanks though, I was a bit worried about how this would be received.

Super Moderator
10,978 Posts
Oh brony what have you done? :laugh:

I want to see your rendition of the chapter you've created here. The Alicorns Chapter?

1,725 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I went with Alicorn since there is no catch-all term that could be applied to all ponies (and Warpony isn't really threatening, though I did entertain Warhorse for a while, but it seemed to much like a pun--My Little Warpony 40K: Friendship is Battle). Granted, now it seems like the chapter is named after Celestia, but she is their goddess/princess.

I've been thinking of a Chapter symbol rather than the individual cutie marks, here's what I've come up with so far:

1. the letter omega, not inverted like the Ultramarines, but left as is since it looks like a horseshoe. The bonus is that the decals are readily available.

2. a winged lance superimposed over a curved horizon (wings = pegasi, lance = unicorns, horizon = earth ponies)

And that's it. I've not thought about the color or trim. This is actually becoming an issue as Twilight is meeting everyone in the second section (Pinky meeting Twilight after the chariot/Thunderhawk ride to I'm not sure where).

Super Moderator
10,978 Posts
Assuming the mane six would be veterans of one sort or another, personal heraldry would not be unfeasible at all.

The winged lance sounds like a better mark to me, partly because it's original and I'm sure there's a chapter that already uses the omega. :)

I am itching to see how you handle the meeting with the other characters, particularly Pinkie's parallel. :laugh:

4,277 Posts
Weird, confusing and exhilarating. Soon madness will consume all of 40k.

1,725 Posts
Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
Elements of Order, Episode 1, Part 1, Section 2 (of 3)

The original posting of this got eaten by the Warp during the hacking. Might be a sign....

Elements of Order, Episode 1, Part 1, Section 2 (of 3)

The Thunderhawk’s engines took on a different timbre as it made its approach.

Inside the Thunderhawk’s cargo bay, Hesperos sulked. Spike coasted by on his anti-grav unit, reciting the alicorn lord’s latest message. “My dear Hesperos, there is more to a young librarian’s life than studying. So I’m sending you to supervise preparations for the Summer Solar Celebration in this year’s location, Ponyville.”

Hesperos’ glum face stared out from one of the armorcrys viewports. Clouds streamed past as the Thunderhawk descended, breaking through the cloud cover.

“And I have an even more essential task for you to complete—” the servo-skull hovered in close, “make some friends.”

Hesperos sighed.

Spike canted itself at a slight angle. “Look on the bright side, Hesperos, the alicorn lord arranged for you to stay in a librarium. Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“Yes,” Hesperos brightened up suddenly, turning away from the viewport, “yes, it does. You know why? Because I’m right. I’ll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the librarium to find some proof of Nightmare Moon’s return.”

“And when will you make friends like the alicorn lord said?”

“He said to check on the preparations. I am his student and I will do my royal duty but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.” As the ramp of the Thunderhawk descended, Hesperos popped into the cockpit. “Thank you, brothers.”

The pilot and co-pilot grunted acknowledgment.

“Maybe the marines in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about.” Spike canted himself, indicating an approaching Techmarine, “C’mon, Hesperos, just try.”

Hesperos looked from Spike to the Techmarine.

The Techmarine’s armor was a mix of prior Marks. The deep red paint had faded beneath Equestria’s sun to an oddly flat pink color. The Techmarine’s pauldron may have been red once as well and the cog-tooth trim a deep purple, but those days were long gone, the colors having faded to rose and fuchsia.

Hesperos was not familiar with the personal heraldry—three tethered airships, faded to two pale blue ones flanking a pale yellow one. He assayed a greeting, “Uh, hello?”

“Aaahh!” The Techmarine inexplicably rose up suddenly and shot over both Hesperos and Spike. How he was able to do this Hesperos was not even going to try and speculate.

“Well, that was interesting alright.” Hesperos walked off.

“Huh-ah.” Spike trailed after.

Spike held a scroll and quill, “Summer Solar Celebration Official Overseer’s Checklist. Number one: Banquet preparations. Sweet Apple Acres.”

Just as Hesperos and Spike entered through an archway from which a wooden sign swung, an enthusiastic yell startled them into stopping and each turned at the sound to watch a marine charging across the orchard field at full speed.

His tactical armor was a blur of burnt orange. Hesperos could just make out the personal heraldry on a fast-pumping arm; it was a trio of pumila fruit. Though his helmet had been mag-locked to his left cuisse, he was not bare-headed. He wore a grox-wrangler hat over his tied-back long blonde hair.

As the marine approached a tree ringed with buckets, he did not pause. Rather he leaned forward and planted his gauntlets into the ground. His body twisted and flipped into the air. His heavy armored boots slammed into the tree trunk, sending it shaking down to its roots. Red, yellow, and green apples shook, snapping their stems, and fell into the buckets; not a one fell onto the ground. The marine was already standing, his expression that of a job well done.

“Hah, let’s get this over with.” Hesperos’ head dipped briefly before he walked over. “Good afternoon, my name is Hesperos Zivon.” Hesperos grimaced as his gauntlet was taken into a strong grip and shook.

“Well, howdy-do, Brother Hesperos, a pleasure making your acquaintance. I’m Amasec. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like making new friends.” Amasec continued to pump Hesperos’ arm up and down.

“F-f-friends?” Hesperos could not believe he was shaking from the handshake. “A-a-actually, I-i-i-uh—”

Amasec released Hesperos’ gauntlet and stepped back, “So, what can I do you for?” One grass-green eye winked conspiratorially.

Hesperos could not stop his arm from waving up and down—perhaps a servo or some other mechanism had malfunctioned during the greeting?

Spike floated over, extruded a prod, and delivered a mild electrical shock to Hesperos’ pauldron. The reactive armor seized. After a moment, Hesperos found he now had control once more. He glared at Spike as the servo-skull floated away, chuckling to itself.

“Ha-hem.” Hesperos tried to take back the initiative. “Well, I am in fact here to supervise preparation of the Summer Solar Celebration, and you’re in charge of the food?

“We sure as sugar are.” Amasec leaned forward conspiratorially, “would you care to sample some?”

“Well, as long as it doesn’t take too long….” Hesperos looked askance at the retreating back of Amasec.

With a long-handled metal spoon in hand, Amasec approached a triangle hanging by a frayed rope. Striking the sides of a triangle and sending it jangling, he caused an incredible din. Throwing his head back, he shouted, “Soup’s on, everybody!”

From between the trees, they came: aspirants, initiates, and other members of the Apple family. Each seemed to have some aspect of the pumila fruit incorporated into their own personal heraldry. Hesperos and Spike were caught unawares by the stampede and found themselves bodily picked up and carried aloft above a dust cloud.

As the dust cleared, Hesperos found himself at an outdoor table with Spike deposited on the table. The gazebo they were seated beneath was on the edge of the orchard. As Hesperos examined his surroundings, he realized that what he had taken for poles were in fact growing apple tree saplings, supporting the high roof and eaves of the gazebo.

Amasec popped up next to Spike on the long bench, “Now, why don’t I introduce y’all to the Apple family?”

Hesperos grinned sheepishly. “Thanks, but I really need to—”

“This here’s Apple Fritter—” Hesperos saw a blur of color and an apple fritter on a ceramic dish clattered onto the table.

“—Apple Bumpkin.” An initiate dropped a pair of caramel-glazed apples on sticks onto the table.

“Red Gala.” An aspirant had for whatever reason balanced a cupcake with pale green frosting and topped with an apple slice on his head; it too dropped onto the table.

“Red Delicious.” An initiate brought forth a glazed cake dessert with a miniature apple topping it.

Amasec continued the introductions. “Golden Delicious. Caramel Apple. Apple Strudel. Apple Brioche. Apple Crisp.” With each name, another member of the Apple family stepped forward to deposit an apple-based dish on the growing pile. Hesperos could no longer even see the gingham tablecloth.

“Big Macintosh.” A man, gigantic by even Astartes standards, standing apart from the others nodded acknowledgment; he held another cupcake, dwarfed in his hand. The man was of prodigious girth, Hesperos wondered if tactical dreadnought armor would even fit him.

“Apple Bloom.” When no dish clattered onto the table, Hesperos looked around, finally dropping his gaze toward a youth seated on the grass nearby. In his lap was a large triple-layer cake with green frosting and once more topped by an apple.

“And,” Amasec shoved an apple into Hesperos’ open mouth, “Granny Smith. Up an’ atta’am, Granny Smith. We got guests.”

To his horror, Hesperos realized that what he had mistaken for a shrine of an odd pale green stone on a nearby rise was in fact a venerable dreadnought. It snorted upon waking. “Wha—?” As it rocked back and forth, the creak of joints echoed in the air. “Soup’s on…?” To Hesperos’ dismay, it began to totter over.

“Why, I think you’re already part of the family.” Amasec draped an arm over Hesperos’ shoulders.

Hesperos spat out the apple. “Blaagh. Ah-ha-ha. Okay. Well, I can see the food situation is handled, so we’ll be on our way.” He tried to extricate himself from beneath Amasec’s arm.

“Aren’t you going to stay for brunch?” Apple Bloom looked up at Hesperos, disappointed and blinking away tears.

“Sorry, but we have an awful lot to do...”

Disappointment echoed around the clearing as heads dropped. Hesperos looked around realizing that he’d made a grave mistake. Even though it was ‘brunch,’ it was a meal, and meals held great importance and ceremony. Still, he knew he was going to regret this, “..fine.” His dour expression went unnoticed amid the cheering.

End of Part 2.


Preview of Part 3

“Food’s all taken care of.” Spike checked off that item on the list. “Next is weather.” The servo skull spun around to look back at a trailing Hesperos.

“Uh-uh. I ate too much pie.” Hesperos ambled along in obvious distress.

1,725 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Hahaha! Good to see it back. ETA on the next? :)
The transcription of the script is done. I'll have to watch the latter parts of episode one again to get the gestures and other actions. I do have to say though that the introduction of RD, Rarity, Fluttershy, the party, and the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration will probably require more than one section.

With school the way it is though, I won't be really free until after December 13 or so (could be earlier, it depends on how many assignments and papers I have left at the end of the semester to grade).

I'm also entering three end of the year writing contests (including the one here), so that will delay things as well.
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