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Uh, mind finding or quoting some source to back that up Ahab? (Where the Fang is the only mountain so large it breaches the atmosphere, and is the only mountain in all the galaxy to do so.) The Fang is merely a single mountain on a single world that is so great that it breaches the atmosphere. In all the worlds of the galaxy, it is not impossible to have other worlds with such things. The Fang is one of the greatest fortresses though, in that it is unique over any and all others like it.

The galaxy is huge, you can have worlds with atmosphere of sulfur and lakes of lava, worlds covered only in ocean, a planet who's only habitable parts are the tallest mountains while the rest of the world is covered in poison, planets that are all desert, all mountain, berated by gale force winds at almost all times, frozen balls of ice, and much much more. A single mountain being very tall is entirely possible, its a big galaxy.

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The transmission while it appeared to be babble was reported to the higher ups who discovered something intersting.
Why? If it was babble and nothing of importance than why would a serf bother anyone with it? What possessed this serf to report this random transmission when it appeared to be nothing?

His keen danger sense alerting Valenae that something was wrong he put the entire chapter on alert and roused the full fury of the Blood Spears readying them to fight on their home soil.
So the chapter master is informed of a transmission of babble and he immediately assumes something bad is about to happen; not only that but something is about to attack the chapter homeworld? What of the chapter librarians or companies? Has he consulted them and discovered anything else to indicate such a thing?

The fortunate accidental radio transmission which caused this was the only warning of an eldar raid on the planet.
Eldar using radio transmissions? Why would a highly advanced race of psykers, who use psychic ability for damned near every aspect of their lives, resort to using something as crude as radio transmissions?

Only four days after the chapter was ordered to begin patroling the planet the eldar appeared en-masse in the skies above the planet driving the battle barges and other support craft in orbit away and wiping aside the orbital defences.
How did they just appear so close to the chapters homeworld without them knowing it? You don't just appear in the homeworld system of a space marine chapter without them knowing about it mere moments before they are on top of you. Theres an entire marines fleet on alert after all.

As this was happening he was approched alone in his study by the Eldar Farseer.
How did the farseer penetrate so far into a chapter fortress? And how did he/she know where to be in order to find the chapter master?

A fortress monestary is a heavily defended structure complete with void shields, a thing that prevents incoming fire from weapon batteries and teleportation. (Ships have to lower shields or a section of them to make teleportation possible.)

Valenae recognizing the markings of the farseer now knew exactly which of the so called Eldar "Aspects" would be fighting and prepared accordingly.
How did he recognize which aspect warriors would be present? Is this guy well trained in being able to understand eldar glyphs and symbols? And for what reason would a farseer have symbols of aspect warriors with him/her anyway?

To counter the Swooping Hawks aspect the 8th assalt company was assigned to defend the Vindicators and Whirlwinds that would be used to pummel the general infantry and Dire Avengers.
This is assuming the Eldar will be fighting to a battle plan that these marines are good at dealing with?

If the Eldar are the ones attacking a chapter homeworld, why would they be mounting anything but a highly elite surgical strike with mechanized elements protecting much of their forces? And why would swooping hawks, warriors who combat infantry and other warriors, not armour, be the ones gong after armour?

Using the 9th Devestator company to counter the Dark Reapers he believed that the battle was well in hand.
This is once again assuming the Eldar will be doing something like a straight up charge at the chapter with heavier elements providing cover to some degree. However again Eldar do not fight this way, I mean why would a dieing race not use grace and intelligence to attack their enemy and keep their own losses low over brute force and high risk of losses?

As ordered all of the available scout squads began moving quietly towards the eldar positions to discover that the Farseer was apperating from a jet bike alongside several squads of the Shining Spears aspect.
Why would the chapter master send even more scouts after learning this? And if he didn't learn this from the first group of scouts what possessed him to send more scouts from fighting to look for the other squads? If he had learned this from the first squads then why would fourth company or another company not be sent?

Valenae managed to get the 4th company onto Bikes quickly enought to counter this new threat while the scouts who discovered this and particularly the Scout Dienekes who had managed to kill one of the exarchs with his sniper rifle was inducted into the ranks of the 4th company.
Kinda seems tossed in there; we go through this whole thing and then this random scout is tossed in to be recognized as somewhat important? Perhaps he would be better served fleshed out later rather than get a line or two here.

Sorry to be seemingly ripping through your work, some things just don't make to much sense and working through that can only help your stuff to be that much better in the end.

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In the end, making your own chapter is simply a colour scheme and your own fluff. You would not be able to use any characters you came up with in tournies, but there is nothing stopping you from playing your chapter. And when using your own chapter, for games its also possible to use existing characters while changing names, like a counts as Kantor in a not Crimson Fists codex marine force.

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6,981 Posts
K so a Radio Frequency transmission from a planet a few hundred lightyears away arriving 3 days after the time stamp is not weird? particularly since radio transmissions take several minutes to reach THE MOON HERE...
And thirty something odd thousand years in the future, where not every aspect of normal physics seems to coincide with the way things actually are, it would not be hard to believe that some forms of communication can now be faster.

Librarians can detect things coming out of the warb because of the disturbance but i haven't ever found one in any other fluff that could detect someone exiting the eldar webway. hense the only warning of an impending invasion was the transmission that was dropped into the webway along the path of the same fleet travling to the planet
True, the librarians may not be able to detect their entry but they are able to get an idea of things to come, divinations of the future or possibly even visions of events to come. Its not impossible for them to get an idea that something massive pertaining to the chapter is going to occur.

Its not an eldar transmission that. the transmission was random babble not an eldar dialect that could be identified its not theirs its coming out of their webway.
Then how was it transmitted through the webway at all? The webway is not something that the Eldar let just anyone who is not one of them use, and its not like regular space where a random transmission can go from A to B with no trouble.

If it wasn't transmitted by the Eldar then who sent it and how did they do so from the webway?

next point again the imperium has never so far as i have found been able to detect someone dropping out of the eldar webway. they even have trouble detecting Warp exits in the shadow of other planets in the system or as the eldar used here behind the planets moon in fact in other chapter's fluff they have exploited this blind spot to ambush others using imperium equivelent tech
There you go, adding in details and information to explain how something that at first did not make sense now does. When I pick someone's fluff apart, it is not to tear into them and leave a husk in my wake. Its to point out things that currently do not make sense in their work so that they can be aware of them and work on having them make sense.

Countering the Swooping Hawks in this way is something that i and several other Blood Angels player do because of their ability in the rules which i am also factoring into my fluff because they should not be exclusive as some people have
What you and other players do in various games does not always fit in with the fluff. Like a Tau cadre fighting alongside Tyranids against elements of the Eldar and Chaos Marines.

yes it prevents teleportation but the eldar farseer arrived in spite of this fact. meaning that he probably used something similar to the space marine psychic teleportation i figured someone as fluff versed as you would figure out that someone powerfull enough to reach Farseer and cunning enough to sneak up on a chapter homeworld would manage to circumvent something as simple as void shields.
Your the one telling the story here, people shouldn't have to be forced to guess how something should make sense. Don't spell everything out for people, as they are not children, but not everyone is as heavily versed in fluff or well off with common sense as other people.

Now void shields are anything but simple; its an energy shield capable of blocking out weapon battery, laser, or mass ordinance discharge. There is a reason they are used to protect large or important locations/powerful vessels of war.

Teleportation, doesn't matter who you are, forces you to at one point enter the warp. (Even warp spiders who use a form of teleportation do this.) Void shields mess with that, make it impossible to teleport to or from a location. Its why ships lower their shields before a group teleports.

Not some guy. a CHapter Master which means he has probably faced eldar before and recognizing something as unique as a Farseer's armor and remembering which elite warriors we're present last time he saw that should be fairly simple for someone with a SM's edict memory
But why would the farseer have runes of different aspects on his/her armour? It is not as though he/she is an autarch displaying the aspects he/she has walked down.

I do however agree that if someone were to show a marine what certain runes mean he would be able to recognize them in the future. Its simply a matter of explaining why the farseer even has them.

Countering the Swooping hawks ability to drop onto the field haywire bomb a tank that i'm using to help create a firebase and the jump back into reserve bbefore they can be counter attacked comes straight out of strategies i use agaist the eldar players at my shop i figure that unlike what some ppl have argued before that the fluff and the rules should not be mutually exclusive and i've seen your arguments to the same effect so unless i've got you confused with someone else i know you agree with me
I say a lot of things all over the place, so if I did say something to that affect I do not recall it. If your confusing me with someone else then oh well, shit happens from time to time. Though once again not everything from the tabletop portion of the game translates properly to the fluff and the same the other way around.

In the end, depending on how much your chapter follows the codex astartes you could go with such a move being an appropriate response as laid down.

When space marines disappear without even sounding an alarm and especially when someone as treacherous as teh eldar are the opponent it pays to know what did that. and they were't scouts that disappeared they were combat squads from a battle company. they have internal vox transmissions and everything but they didn't even report contact... that deserves to be looked into. particularly by someone with long range weapons who could spot an enemy before being engaged on the dunes of the desert
Don't believe I ever made mention of scouts going missing, just not understanding why the chapter master sent several squads, and then sent even more. Did the first group not find anything and need more bodies to widen their search or something?

Last point not a random scout he is the current chapter master... 200 years after this attack he is the current chapter master.... if my memory serves logan was a marine for 450 years before becoming great wolf. Dante was a full marine for almost 300 before he became chapter master. but this "random Scout" rose from a simple human to chapter master in 250 or so. i think since it was his detection of the shining spears and that he will soon be chapter master he deserved to be recognized a little.
I just pointed him out because it does feel as though he was just randomly tossed in. If he is going to be important to the chapter later on, then perhaps instead of including him in a tidbit here you should have left him out and then mentioned it when further expanding on him.

Nothing precludes you from mentioning past important battles at other points when expanding fluff for your chapter or characters of your chapter.
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