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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi guys,

This is gonna be my blog. I’ve been meaning to do this since the start of the year, but things keep changing and it’s been madness all the way. I didn’t want to commit to saying anything unless it was sure and concrete. But by being quiet, it made me feel really isolated. Hence why I am writing this to get some things off my chest. I don’t want people to think that I’m a moany c**t, but it is time (long overdue) I shared what’s been going on in my life.
Some of you will know me from before when I was a bit more care-free and I would post many projects up. Posting now became difficult because I would try to make updates better than the last. It would take time and I didn’t want the lack of motivation to deter me. I cut down on the random wip projects and focused on completing primary projects. So I knuckled down and pretty much locked myself indoors, desperately trying to reassure myself that any problems can be solved.

Business staggered badly. I really weren’t sure if I was at rockbottom or what. If you’ve ever heard the expression ‘make or break’, I really felt like I was at breaking point. Not knowing what to do I carried on messing around with things and studying stuff to pass the time. I just wasn’t making progress with anything. I started to hit many hurdles and couldn’t get on my feet.
Salute let me see how far behind I am in terms of having an infrastructure. But that aside, I still persevere believing that if you build it, they will come. So over the past months, I started to sort out my website and pour my soul into the Cryostasis kit which has consumed my sanity for some years. I’ll be updating the Cryostasis thread soon. I added a “About” section to my website, so if you guys want to finally know what I look like, you can check it out. It also has a bit more background info on me.

At the start of the year (I know it’s going back a bit), I turned 30. Soon after me and the missus found out we’re pregnant. We were surprised to say the least. I didn’t/couldn’t make any announcements before because of the awkward living situation we’re in. My mum wants to return to the UK to see the baby but this will complicate things further. My relationship with my mother has been strained due to family issues not being dealt with. I’ve been blamed for all the troubles here and my rights have been deprived. I’m told to keep schtum (silent) and that it’s none of my business. It's actually another reason why I haven't been able to speak in the past. It’s so bad and diabolical with the problem extending far beyond just me, that I’m now seeing a shrink. This is my second shrink as I was “too much” apparently for the last one. I turned up with paperwork and she said I write too much lol. She is really urging me to go on anti depressants. Needless to say my health hasn’t been tip top. I know I'm stressed out, but I don’t want no stupid pills.
It’s difficult for me to explain the situation properly and there are even bigger difficulties ahead. But it’s a big relief to finally say to you guys that yeh I’m gonna be a dad. My objective nowadays is focusing on baby and work and trying not to let family issues consume me.

I’m currently sorting and clearing the home and trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible to make space for the baby and my mum. The baby is due in late September. It’s less than 10 weeks to go and the stresses are mounting up. I can say that baby is doing well, kicking loads. We’ve already started getting in the cot and other bits. Luckily we’ve had donations from friends/family who recently had children, so that’s been a big help.

I’m hoping that I can get work to a stage where I don’t have to worry so much about overcoming hurdles so that I can concentrate on preparing things for the baby. I recently got a vacuum chamber to resolve the airbubble issue but that’s now made me kinda skint. Within the last month things have started to improve, so it’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve been managing our expenses ok but understandably I can no longer put as much funds into DC anymore. Luckily though I’m pretty well tooled up now, and apart from goop for moulding/casting, I’m pretty well stocked. So I can still tick by for some time.

Heresy Online has always given me the opportunity to express myself and escape the torments of home. It is a great pleasure for me to share things when I can. Thanks dudes for the opportunity & time in hearing me out!

:drinks:
 

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First, let me say "Congrats on the baby!". Best thing that ever happened to me was having my son.
Secondly, letting out what's troubling you is always the first step and your already doing that. Both here AND with a shrink. Currently, I see a therapist every two weeks and I'm on two different anti-depressants. I've never been a pill person, hating even to take an asprin. But I must say, they have made a serious different in my life. The pills I mean. Really consider the pills. You can always stop later if if your not "feeling" it.
Really though, find an outlet. A new baby can be a huge stressor in life. So maybe start walking or some type of exorcise daily. That will help with the weight and give you time to relax and calm down. Just have to find something that works for you. Me? I read. When I read a book, I get to get out of my head for awhile. It really helps me.
Good luck and keep us informed!
 

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Dazed and confused.
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8,496 Posts
Congrats on the baby. I think you'll find that a new baby will put everything else in the shade, helping put what appeared to be major issues into perspective. The second you look down on that little face it becomes the most important thing in the world. Fuck anyone else that tries to get in the way of the happiness of you, your missus or your baby.

Best of luck with it all.:victory:
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Thanks dudes for replies. Hearing what other people think is important to me so that I know I’m not crazy. You guys help keep me sane, cheers! Apologies for the delay in update.
The depressant is called Sertraline. But if I’m honest I wouldn’t call what I got “depression”, I hate moping about. I know pills might work for some people but I don’t want a pill to make me “feel better”, I have justified reason to be pissed off. What I need is to smash some skulls... Opps, must think happy thoughts...I’d rather do the exercise to give me that feeling of good. It will also help with managing my diabetes. The problem now is getting into exercise and finding the time. But it is very good advice!
Unfortunately I don’t think pills are going to change the situation I’m in. It might help me feel better about dealing with things, but I prefer the eye of the tiger approach. Although I’ve had to fill up on self-help motivational stuff to keep my spirit alive. Luckily I haven’t turned complete hippy yet. My shrink tried to describe it like I’m treading water and getting hit by wave after wave. The pill would be like giving me a surf board so I can ride them. I replied saying I’m more like a rock hopper penguin, I face waves head on. And I should have added that I climb, don’t surf.

Although I’m stressed and haven’t been able to enjoy fatherhood fully, I am pleased about having a baby and already look forward to the years ahead. It has put things into greater perspective, but the worries and concerns I have are trying to explain to my child all the regrets and shabbiness that’s on my side of the family. It isn’t fair for my child, and I feel like I’m passing on a curse. This is why I haven’t been able to enjoy fatherhood as I will have to teach things like the history and watch your back. I will have to try my best to ensure baby grows up knowing the truth so that he/she isn’t confused and psychologically messed up. This isn’t paranoia, bad things are said about us to the neighbourhood.

I got a wedding to go to in a few weeks and I need to get my battered old car in shape. I’m not sure if it will be a good vehicle once the baby is here. But I’m really hoping not to have to get a new one. I’ve had my car for over 10 years and I’ll cry if I have to part from it. My mum is nagging me to buy a new car before the birth. She must think I’m loaded or something. It’s only 8 weeks to go and her flight is booked – feck. It’s like I’m having 2 babies...

We had another scan, the placenta has moved which is good (it was low down before). But I got criticized for taking notes. I dunno, I’m getting annoyed whenever I ask questions. It’s like I’m stupid or being silly for asking them or something. Maybe the nurse was expecting me to be on my phone or not turn up. We’ve already had a couple of scares so this is why we’re so concerned. Anyway...breathe!.....

I have to admit, my annoyance is increasing. It’s been a while since I’ve woken myself up from swearing. That’s really bad. Until I get some things out the way I can’t do other things, so my to-do list is getting further behind. Must remain calm....the problem is that I plan too far ahead, meaning that I mentally go through tasks over and over before I actually get round to doing them. No wonder things feel like hassle. House chores now taunt me and I’m beginning to find it hard to keep up with the situation at home, work, diabetes, relationships, pets, repairs ...the list goes on.

Phew...rant over...it’s safe to come out now.
Cheers!
 

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Grats on the new Dustbunny coming a long soon. If you annoy people by making them do their job then good job. I wish I could say don't sweat and small stuff but that is bad advice as its going to be almost impossible with the stress you are going through. Best thing I can tell you is go one day at s ride and you will get through it.
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
Olla,
sorry for delay.

I guess because I’m stuck in the middle, I don’t have much choice other than to deal with it or have a breakdown. Having a breakdown isn’t an option. I try not to think about my past too much. It just feels like I’m constantly battling. It knocks your self esteem when your own family tell you to give up on everything. But taking it bit by bit as it comes is a good way to handle things.

News:
Polo, one of our guinea pigs suddenly got ill, really thought she might pass away, but we’ve managed to look after her and she’s slowly on the mend but not out of the woods yet. Missus got quite upset.

Wedding approaches, stresses are building up. Missus is taking on stuff she shouldn’t be doing. I can’t say anything otherwise I get blasted. There’s also a Chinese tea ceremony which is taking up more and more my time. Preparing for baby has taken 2nd place so I can’t wait for the wedding to get out of the way.

We had a few antenatal classes which were interesting. It’s only 4 weeks to go....and I still haven’t got half my chores done, let alone any DIY.

I have a lot of paperwork to sort out. Which sucks, it takes me ages to write things. I always have to think carefully about how I phase things. Hence why it takes me a while to compile a reply/post. I was supposed to post this last week or so.

Shrink appointment. She said I am stoic. Said I seem to like making things hard for myself, or I prefer the hard route. Really wants me on those pills, but I still refuse. I told her I know I can mentally do it myself. I reckon if she’s only going to suggest pills, then she’s not going to help me much further. Haven’t kept an eye on diabetes last couple of weeks, but I’m hoping to make a bit of an effort before the next appointment. I’ve had to do my own accessing and if I’m honest to myself, the problem I believe is that I have a broken spirit. She should be exploring reasons to why I feel lack of motivation, procrastinate, and have low self esteem. I need to be convinced that things will be ok, that change is a good thing. Anyway....

This is how it is (with the house situation): It’s important because after all, it is (used to be) my home, the place I grew up. I could be booted out just like that by my relatives. So building a workshop here is a bit crazy, everything is at stake. I have to be very cautious about this. What I’m about to say isn’t exaggeration and it’s only a small piece of what is really going on. I tried to talk to them about this manner and do the decent thing (I tried to keep it a private family affair), but they brushed me off. Because it’s gone beyond my family now, this is my chance to say what’s really going on. It is probably why I’m told not to say anything.
- The house I live in used to be shared and jointly owned. But when my father passed away, according to a stupid agreement made in 1977, we lost our share of the house and it went to my relatives. But we were left with tenancy which only lasts until my mother’s passing away. Once she’s passes away, me and my missus could get the boot.
- The agreement was poorly made, and no one really understood what it meant.
- They broke the agreement in a few ways, so we tried to talk to them about it.
-They told us to see a solicitor, so we did. Then they got upset with us for doing that and put the guilt blame on us. There’s enough for a strong legal case.
- My mother now puts them before her own children. She now believes we’re in the wrong when that’s not true. I’m left to pick up the pieces and blamed for all the trouble that’s happened.
-It’s a ridiculous situation with stupid mind-games at the cost of my home, family, and reputation. How something like this could happen is totally absurd. There is far more to all of this and it spans to a time before I was even born.

I will probably be blamed for saying these things, but what am I expected to do? Keeping it all bottled in is damaging my health (said the shrink). If you don’t say anything in life, it is assumed you are in agreement with it. I share this because at least I know I spoke up and tried to do something. I’ve been keeping this silent for many years, and its done me no good. As a result and to prove my point, this makes up a large portion of my paperwork and time.

It’s beginning to get tense now...The next few weeks are gonna be really busy and I’m expecting the workload to increase heavily. So I might not be logged in as much but I hope to be more productive with my time when I am.
I’ve agreed to help write some tutes for TWG. Hopefully a series of simple tips n’ tricks to really help you boost your models! I got a bunch of other things on the go, which when some progress is made on them, I’ll get some more updates done.

Ciao for now!
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Olla,

Workwise: I’ve been busy. Getting back into sculpting again. Trying to do new base sets. Looking at maybe completing, or building some rhino kits, maybe a landraider. I miss dabbling in models and it’s good to keep in touch with these things.
Started to build some mantic games ghouls for TWG tutorials <here>.
Cryostasis is on hold until I can raise a bit of funds to get a batch of goop again.
I’ve made some potential lifecasting clients. So I’ve been messing around working out materials and the process to lifecast babies. It’s hopefully a little bit of side-line work.

Shrink said I should take it easy on myself. She's worried I might burn out and said I should take time for myself (lol). I wasn’t offered pills this time, which was good. Actually felt like I had a good conversation. She said something which rung out in my head which was that it’s bad enough having to do injections, let it be just that (if that makes sense).I shouldn’t let complications develop simply because I can’t keep my sugar level down. I had a HbA1c which came out as 9.6% which is the best in 2 years. It’s still a high result but at least it’s heading in the right direction.

D-day approaches, all systems a go-go.....to the Disco! Any day now!
2 of my relatives have left, so things are a lot quieter atm. They’ve already gone up to my mum in the Philippines to find out about the baby, what can I do eh.

Oki, so this is probably gonna be my last post before the big day. Wish us luck!!

Woodles dudes!
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Olla,
Release the Kraken!

Okey, after a long overdue wait, can I finally say my baby is born! I’m now a proper dad! Massive props to my missus for doing such a fantastic job! It was a fast paced labour and she handled it extremely well (there were times when she was even giggling – must be the G&A lol). Both mummy and baby are doing well recovering. They’re still in hospital but I should be picking them up soon. There’s so much I want to say, but I haven’t got the time at the moment to properly go into all of it. I’ll do a big update soon.

:yahoo:
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Thanks mate :)

Ah yes...

Labour was about 13.5 hours, fast paced, no epidural.
We named her Megan and she weighed 3.1 kilos, something like 7lbs I believe....I still think of her when she was a size of a space marine....
Compared to the other babies on the ward, ours doesn't cry that much and isn't that loud.
....Ooo...I really gotta shoot off....news just in...I'm going to go pick them up, they're ready to be released from hospital!!

Laters dudes!! To the Batmobile!!
 

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Critique for da CriticGod
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3,351 Posts
Hey!
Congrats!

Fatherhood is wonderful. =)
 

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Miniature's Surgeon
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881 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
I'm all glee, thanks guys :)

Here's some pics




Yeh I hope family squabbles can finally be resolved. At the moment I'm trying not to think about them too much, which having a child is helping me greatly.
Time is flying by for us and it's getting hard to keep track of what day it is. Crikey the countdown to the next D-Day is already ticking. Before we know it, my mum will be flying back -uh oh

Off to the shops to buy more baby stuff...might get some conversions outta it ;)
I'm still working on doing a detailed blog entry...hopefully I'll get it posted soon guys!

Woodles
 

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Critique for da CriticGod
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It's cliche but try to enjoy every phase of your daughter's childhood. They're all different and they go by really fast especially in the first 2 years. There are so many changes and they come really quickly.
 
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