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This is my Skaven story. its about an ambush on a empire convoy. im open to criticism..........fust not to much :p feel free to rip it to shreds
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The Empire convoy slugged on. They looked on angrily, the path was dark, over grown and never ending. Its length was measured in miles but they could barely see a few metres, due to the overgrowth. The tired soldiers relaxed their stance, their feet aching from the hard and stony ground.

Captain Keith rode out in front, two knights of the blazing sun in close pursuit. Keith spoke proud, his voice demanding respect. “Knights.”
“Yes sir,” a knight replied.
“Inform the convoy that we make camp just before nightfall.”
“Will do sir.”

Keith trotted forwards, to the top of a hill. He could see a never ending forest. The trees seemed to cover the whole world, except the tall dwarf mountains, the white peaks contrasting splendidly with the green of the forest. A barely noticeable path cut the woods in half. It lead towards the snowy mountain tops in the distance. “Soon we will be in a great Dwarven hall,” Keith whispered to himself.

The Skaven Assassin awaited his prey. Sat in a tree, completely motionless, Tweek only moved his eyes and even then, he did with caution. He carefully scanned the undergrowth and tree tops for any sign of movement. There was none. Upon realising the birds were not singing, he knew his comrades were in position.

He saw the convoy come trudging down the hill. Eyes fixed on his prize and target. The Captain rejoined his knights. The cart shook around as it hit some rocks on the way down.

Tweek looked at the back of the column. Some stragglers were quickly and quietly disposed of by some freshly recruited gutter runners. Tweek realised he’d have to show them who’s in charge and who deserves credit for this attack.

The convoy had just about stopped in front of him. It was time to put his plan into action. Tweek grabbed onto a branch and snapped it. He saw every humans head turn to his direction. Tweek smiled with delight as the hand gunners took aim in his general direction.

A dead object fell limply from the tree. “Check it out,” Keith ordered a knight.
The knight drew his sword and trotted forwards, approaching with caution. The knight was puzzled and dismounted his horse. Pointing his sword to the dead thing on the floor he approached, rolling it over with his foot, and poking it with his sword to see if it moved. “Sir, tis…tis one of them rat men. I thought they lived in tunnels?” the knight yelled with a look of confusion.
“Is it dead?” Keith inquired.
“Yes, tis…” The knight gasped for air. Keith looked down to see the dead rat man holding a crude, rusting, wet blade that had been plunged into the knights lung.
The knight went into a spasm as the poison worked it way into his blood stream.

Keith began yelling out orders, “Defensive position!”
'He looked to his retinue of knights, watching as his second in command was hit in the eye by a death star. As the knight fell off his horse screaming in pain, discoloured pus started to seep out of the his eye. A hail of throwing weapons came from all directions. Soldiers fell everywhere he looked.

The floor started to give way under the carriage. The back wheels slowly slipping into the newly formed hole, out of which came a number of gutter runners. They cut wildly at the surprised human defenders. The knights tried to form a defensive shield around Keith. Keith froze with shock, all he could do was stare. A well liked knight by the name of Borris stood firm, his shield covered in throwing weapons. He thrust his blade into an on coming rat man. He revelled in the delight of the rat mans death, screaming holy praise to Sigmar. He raised his weapon in triumph as a throwing knife dug deep into his armpit. A gutter runner leaped at him and Borris stuck his blade out, impaling the rat man. But the gutter runners blade found its mark, Borris’ chest. Still he fought, holding back the vile rat men, until a storm of warp stone bullet skewered him. After all the honour he had just gained, he died in a most pathetic way.

Tweek saw that the confused captain was trying to join his men. Tweek charged with such speed that the hand gunners couldn’t land a shot on him. As the captain turned all he saw was a Skaven assassin leaping through the air towards him. He tried to draw his sword but was soon dismounted after Tweek drop kicked him in the face. The captain tried to stand up and regain himself but Tweek quickly jumped on him, his knees digging into Keith’s chest. Tweek pushed his head beside Keith’s and whispered “Pleasure doing business with you.”

Keith looked into the rat mans black eye as he felt a blade dig deep into his stomach. And with that the assassin was gone. He felt the assassin’s poison seep through his veins; it was as if he was burning from the inside out. His muscles went limp but if it was from the poison or lack of blood, he would never know. He struggled to smile as he realised that he died the way he wanted to die, beaten by a worthy foe.

Everything seemed calm as darkness washed over him.
 

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:shock: i dont know mch about WHFB fluff but dont skaven go "neek neek!" and not "Pleasure doing business with you, pleasure doing business with you!" lol.

good one.
 

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Jac "Baneblade" O'Bite
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Seems a good start to me. Initiates right about the Skaven talking though. Also in the fifth paragraph down you mix perspectives. A bit of a no no. It should probably read

"He saw the convoy come trudging down the hill. Eyes fixed on his prize and target. The Captain {had} rejoined his knights. The cart {appeared to shake} as it hit some rocks on the way down.

And I'm not sure about the current status of Skaven and how much of the Empire knows of their existance and how many are still denying that they are real. Last I heard the authorites were still claiming they wern't real - I could be wrong though.

Quite good though, got a very short-story-in-a-army-book sorta feel to it. Me likes :D
 

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Very nice, this is an inspiring piece. I like the beginning, where you describe not only the general fatigue of the soldiers, but how and why they had gotten to be that way. Detail like that is usually overlooked and makes for a good read. I could really picture the whole thing in my mind as I read, kudos.
 
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