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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Q: How many inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to screw it in, one to outlaw lightbulbs, and one to deny the existence of lightbulbs.

Ways to annoy your opponent:

Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.

Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.

Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.

Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.

State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.

Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."

Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.

Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.

Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.

Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.

You dont want to hear:

Colonel: "We're gonna die! We should all flee!"

Commissar: "Just this once, I agree with you!"

"Sweet! And I get to be one of them? Man, this is so cool! I can't wait! Hey, what are the Last Chancers anyway?"

"Well, we're low on ammo, our radio's busted, and we've got genestealers coming in on all sides. Let's charge them!"

Space Marine Commandments:

Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter Bitches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.

Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.

You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.

Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.

Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin."

Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed."

Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".

ELDAR: Shit happens

DARK ELDAR: We ran off before the shit happened

IMPERIAL GUARD: Shit happens with big guns

SPACE MARINES: The Emperor will save us from deep shit

ULTRAMARINES: Roboute saved the emperor from shit


DARK ANGELS: We caused shit and have yet to be forgiven

CHAOS SPACE MARINES: The Emperor is shit

WORLD EATERS: We'll collect skulls so that shit doesn't happen to us.

NECRONS: We're gonna cause so much shit to happen that shit will never happen again

TAU: Shit will happen to everyone but us

ORKS: What is shit?

TYRANIDS: This galaxy is our new piece of shit

SISTERS OF BATTLE: Male supremacy is a load of shit



Ty Anphicar!

Also, forgot to say, anyone submit any you got!

134 Posts
:lol: that got a laugh out of me path, good show. There were a few others on the original list that were great as well. Good find.

999 Posts
I thought it was the lack of current rules for every army...cough...cough...Dark Eldar...cough...cough....

100 Posts
anyone remember the your mama 40k jokes....

Yo mama's so fat in the grim darkness of the far future there is only her

good times

lol yeh like:

ya mums so fat she gets AP 1 against cheeseburgers

.....good times indeed

1,065 Posts
dreadnought commandments:

Thou halt not use thine guradsmen to wipe thine butt.
Thou shalt not pick up orks. They are difficult to clean out of the claws.


Thou shalt not use thine duct tape to fix thine land raider.

Thou shalt not run in circles around a psyker and think "Can you hear me? Can you hear me?"

For librarians: Thou shalt not read the company mastet's mind just to laugh at his underwear.

A space marine is walking through a grassy plain and sees a slaaneshi daemonette lying behind a bush. He yells "Foul abomination!" and shoots her in the leg.
A while later a Comissar walks by and sees her. Yells "Foul abomination!" and shoots her in the shoulder.
A while later an assasin is wlking past and sees her. Yells "Foul Abomiation!" and stabs her in the thigh.
A while later a Warlock walks past.......
Half an hour later he comes staggering out of the bush muttering "They don't make them like they used to.
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