Telion can be very good, but find out how your group are house-ruling him first. By RAW Telion's Stealth applies to his squad :ireful2:, so you don't need cloaks. That makes him far more efficient. However, some benighted souls insist that despite Stealth only applying to a unit, there are mysterious extra words that tell you it applies only to Telion. Note: Telion is not an IC.I would take out the thunderfire cannon and try to get some more transports and men. I think the extra armour on the razorbacks may be wasted points. The razorbacks are there for fire support and protecting the men inside. May want to get a rhino and have a full ten man squad seeing how five man squads can get eaten up fast. I have no personal experience with telion myself, but you may find the points useful somewhere else.
Just my opinion. Good luck.
EA on Razorbacks as you have them set up is pointless. You want them firing and either shaken or stunned stops that. EA on Rhinos can be good.
A lot of ppl go ML and melta. I feel this is inefficient, because even combat-squadded you will have four guys sitting around doing nothing just so that one ML can fire. I suggest MM and melta. That aligns range. Another possibility is 5xDevastator with 4xML instead of that third Tac. They can still take the Razorback.