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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-08, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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Default The New Carstein

Captain Vorstral led his Greatswords through the dense undergrowth, as the forces of Nelson Von Carstein swelled with numbers of dead ratmen, they got up, mindless husks of what they used to be babbling and frothing at the mouth, the already present zombies were once – for the majority- proud, upstanding Empire citizens now degraded to naught but rotting flesh and dry bones.Even as the elite of the Emperor's troops, several of Vorstrals younger soldiers started retching at the very sight of these twisted, abominations that stood still as rocks, outside the keep of their enemy, the captain led his troops round the side of the tall castle to a less heavily guarded gate a group of 15 skeletons shambled over silently, weapons scraping on the ground, their bleached skulls showing nothing but a dull red glow in the eye sockets, the captains unit numbered just 10 men but this was not disadvantage to him “come on lads!” Vorstral roared “they die just as easily as men!” to prove his point he clove one of the monstrosity's down in a single powerful sweep of his blade, his men – instilled with courage – the Greatswords charged at the foe, the captain smiled - if the rest of the mission would be this easy, the better knowing full well that the reason the skeleton died so easily was due to his magical, crackling blade and that the skeletons greatest weapon was the fear the commanded. Vorstral and his men crept up the stairs of the large tower, knowing it would be where the youngest member of the Von Carsteins lay, dormant, for now, suddenly nimble humanoid creatures seemed to scuttle in the shadows but their was something about them that seemed strange ainly the fact the walked on arms and legs, they leapt out so fast, like green blurs upon his men, this time they out numbered 8 – 10 but it seemed impossible for the Greatswords with their huge weapons to strike hits upon them 3 men were killed outright screaming as they were torn asunder and Polarian died but not before he wrapped his strong fingers around the things neck snapping it under his huge strength, Vorstral swept his blade up sundering a ghoul's head from its shoulders, the rest of his men managed a strong counter attacked and sent 3 scuttling back to the shadows from whence they came. Had he not the finest men in the Empire,he had personally trained them all and today he was proud. “Come on boys, I think its this way” whispered to his 7 remaining men, as not a second later a a huge shriek that seemed to smash right through his skull rang out and killed 4 men, spasming on the ground like fish, Vorstral rose to his feet to see a pale ghostly figure clawing one of his mens eyes out and the pair of remaining men swung their swords through her body not harming he, Vorstral walked over to er and swung a mighty blow that broke through the ether and killed her, then a deep, evil voice came from behind him “Well, havent we been busy” said a tall figure draped in deep purple robes, with a corroded breastplate that glowed blue the same for his legplates he carried a Night Blade that was so glowing with power, that his eyes ached to look upon it, “Nelson Von Carstein” he said, bowing slightly “you have proved yourselves worthy of my master ship, and who knows you might even become one of the family,”pausing slightly “Brother. Don't be a fool and resist” “In the name of the Emperor!!” screamed one greatsword and flung himself at Von Carstein. The young vampire sidestepped the viscous attack and clove him in half as easily as a knife through butter, he stood back revelling in the blood of the dead foe, the vampire radiated power. “Ok “said Vorstral “take me i want to be like you” he whispered” suddenly the man to his left burst into flames. “He tried to kill you” he said simply “I wont let my brother come to harm now, would I” as he sank his teeth into his neck.

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena" Night Haunter, Club Fernandoes on Dean street
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-01-08, 11:03 AM
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thats pretty good mate, impressed

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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-01-08, 11:36 PM Thread Starter
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thanks mate any thoughts/ critisisms

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena" Night Haunter, Club Fernandoes on Dean street
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-02-08, 03:21 AM
 
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Nice story, wouldn't mind hearing a bit more about how the greatswords arrived n this situation.. Keep up the good work mate
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-02-08, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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this is my prolouge to a book i may be writing

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena" Night Haunter, Club Fernandoes on Dean street
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-02-08, 11:37 PM
 
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Looks like a solid start.. can't wait to read more
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-20-08, 07:26 PM
 
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could use a bit of tweaking but like wade says a solid start. Bravo.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-31-08, 11:54 AM
 
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Great work it is awesome can't wait for some more
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 05-18-08, 03:22 AM Thread Starter
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"Keep Quiet Carl!" whispered Nelson "I dont think we want to get caught in the Counts cellar, do we?"
"no Master" sighed Carl, it had been three months since the incident in the castle now he was an Apprentice vampire, when he asked why he was not made a full vampire Nelson had told him not to be stupid, he knew that he would kill him and Carl would run off.

Still wearing the Greatswords uniform he had been transformed and trained in he looked down at his uniform in disgust, why did he betray his men , the empire and all it stood for, three months ago he had sold his soul and gained... it was best not to think about it. They were currently crawling in the Count of Stirland's cellar looking for a suitable feeding victim, although the cloak of shadows that enveloped him and his master, it did not block sound, so a half keen guard could detect the careless footsteps of the apprentice.

"Stop!" Nelson breathed urgency dripping from his voice, as a young tanner walked past the alcove in which they were sheltering, Carl could feel the bloodlust rising from his stomach, spreading to his arms and to his fingertips.
"Yes...". whispered Carl unable to say anything else for it had been nearly 3 weeks since they had last fed, and his every move seemed to pain him.
"Now!" shouted Nelson and he leapt onto the tanner winding him so he could manage to whisper, fear and panic flooded the mans eyes small tears welled
in the corners of his eyes, He strugged to no avail "what are you?" he gasped
"we" said Nelson camly "are your freedom", Nelson leaned in very close to his face "ITS OVER!!!" he roared and tore the mans throat out then glanced over his shoulder and sent his ether round the corner the nearest guard was over 20 minutes away plenty of time. "Dig in brother" said Nelson as he supped the red syrup that freely flowed from the mans throat, Carl leaned forward, disgusted at what he had become.

Ancient Tiel' a fier - edit - just a few spellings an jumbled words

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena" Night Haunter, Club Fernandoes on Dean street

Last edited by Ancient Tiel' a fier; 07-06-08 at 05:17 PM.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-06-08, 12:41 PM Thread Starter
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any thoughts??

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena" Night Haunter, Club Fernandoes on Dean street
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