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Search: Posts Made By: YeOldeGrandma
Forum: Original Works   01-03-15, 10:16 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 473
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
1st Place: andygorn, One Less Challenge, 3 pts ...

1st Place: andygorn, One Less Challenge, 3 pts

A very well-written piece with a wonderfully dark feel to it.
Forum: Original Works   01-03-15, 10:12 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 743
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
It all comes down to whether it is relevant to...

It all comes down to whether it is relevant to the story, I think. Far from every fact needs to be known for a story to work, and it's often a sign of good writing when a mental picture is painted...
Forum: Original Works   01-02-15, 03:28 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 743
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Comments on One Less Challenge: Well written...

Comments on One Less Challenge:

Well written with an excellent, creepy atmosphere. Life is cheap in your story, which is just the way it should be with 40k.

I don't fully get all that's going...
Forum: Original Works   12-31-14, 03:52 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 743
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Skydancers- 1097 words, exluding title ...

Skydancers- 1097 words, exluding title


”Mark!”

Cassander jumped and his world widened. White clouds spread out before him, all around. Gone was the rattling of the Valkyrie, the roar of its...
Forum: Original Works   12-13-14, 04:43 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 850
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013...

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/slow_clap_citizen_kane.gif


...


Just kidding - well done!
Forum: Original Works   12-03-14, 09:04 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 850
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
1st (and only) vote: Moriouce, Mind War, 3 pts. ...

1st (and only) vote: Moriouce, Mind War, 3 pts.

See you next month!
Forum: Original Works   11-30-14, 07:41 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 880
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Some comments on Mind War, by Moriouce...

Some comments on Mind War, by Moriouce (https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/member.php?u=18760):

I was a bit sceptical at first when I saw your big block of text - I am used to reading fiction...
Forum: Original Works   11-29-14, 09:35 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 880
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
First contact (1064 words excluding title) ...

First contact (1064 words excluding title)

It was well into the second hour of the battle when the order finally came to advance. Hera and her squadmates had been waiting at the forward command...
Forum: Original Works   10-08-13, 05:10 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,198
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Cool. Congrats and stuff.

Cool. Congrats and stuff.
Forum: Original Works   09-15-13, 06:21 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,198
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
1st place: The Meddler, Absence, 3 pts 2nd...

1st place: The Meddler, Absence, 3 pts
2nd place: Firemahlazer, Turning Back, 2 pts
3d place: Lord of the Night, Lost Memories, 1 pt
Forum: Original Works   09-11-13, 02:59 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
It could be done with less words. Something like:...

It could be done with less words. Something like:

"Please," she rasped. "Stay."

As I continued to dither, the woman rested her fingers on my right gauntlet. Fingers which I knew would be soft...
Forum: Original Works   09-10-13, 02:24 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
No, don't change it. It's a great idea, having...

No, don't change it. It's a great idea, having the process of turning into a daemonhost making him less and less emotional. It also explains why he doesn't care. Perhaps only something in the...
Forum: Original Works   09-09-13, 06:05 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Oh dear!

Oh dear!
Forum: Original Works   09-09-13, 04:19 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Romero's Own: I essentially liked what you...

Romero's Own:

I essentially liked what you were trying to convey; the forlorn feel was tied together with the use of the same sentences at the beginning and the end. However, if the point of the...
Forum: Original Works   09-08-13, 07:41 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Lord of the Night: I've already pointed out...

Lord of the Night:

I've already pointed out my quibble with commas where I think there should be periods or semi-colons. Especially in this sentence I think it's rather obvious, since the first...
Forum: Original Works   09-05-13, 01:13 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
Just some quick comments prompted by the...

Just some quick comments prompted by the soon-to-be-closed submission window.

Lord of the Night: You have a thing where you sometimes put commas where there should really be either a semi-colon or...
Forum: Original Works   09-05-13, 12:44 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 2,525
Posted By YeOldeGrandma
The mortal affection - 1099 words (excluding...

The mortal affection - 1099 words (excluding title)



”I assume there is a point to that”, Aetius said, indicating Cecilia’s dress. During their previous meetings she’d come in her simple...
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