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post #1 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-25-09, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
Darth Druchii
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Default Funny 'In Character' Quotes

We've all had them, moments in games where something is said in jest. Sometimes it was on purpose, other times it isn't, both can be really funny if not done too often, yet the latter can really be funny.

If you want to share yours or those you've gamed with this is the place, I'd like to see what classic funny moments have come up in folks games.

As to my own, well as mostly a DM/StT I've had a few but some of my players have come up with the best.

One in particular I remember was a Fantasy game, four players, captured and thrown into a Gladiator arena. They where all doing well they'd beaten a few minor foes, when suddenly the gate opened. A giant 12' creature with four arms and spider like features stomps in, they are all standing there and the Mage is at the back out of mana from the earlier rounds.

Out of nowhere he declares 'Hold it off a moment, I'm meditating' and literally starts to meditate to get back his Mana.

We all just cracked up, and still remmeber that moment years later.

So does anyone else have any they'd like to share?

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post #2 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-26-09, 03:12 PM
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Well, one time in a fantasy game, we were talking to this priest who suddenly died in front of us. As he was falling our thief looted the body before he hit the ground. I told him, "come on, he's not even cold yet."

His response, "Of course he's not cold yet, who would want cold loot. Do you want cold loot? I certainly don't."

Later on in the campaign, anytime we came across loot not from a freshly killed opponent he would make the rest of us cradle it to our bodies to warm it up so that he would have warm loot.
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post #3 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-27-09, 12:44 AM
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I have quite a few, most of which I cannot remember. All of them happened because I was playing DnD in the Forgotten Realms system, with an overly-nervous dwarf cleric who was cursed as a boy by an evil wizard's apprentice. The apprentice, being quite weak, just managed to make the dwarf speak only in song. So I would come up with lyrics on the spot for the worshiper of Ioun. It turned out some pretty hilarious things, but I can only remember one or two.

In this one, I passed a diplomacy check to convince a troll to let us cross a bridge for some gold:

By Ioun's right arm,
We mean you no harm!
For a large sum of gold,
Would you please let us behold
The wonders across the bridge you protect,
As one would, with your great intellect!

Of course, as we were passing, the troll's friends on the other side of the bridge noticed us, and I had to pass another check. Naturally, I didn't pass and the trolls bitch-slapped us off the bridge

"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
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post #4 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-27-09, 07:00 AM Thread Starter
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Hehe, I like both of those, going have to sit down and see if I can remember any more good ones myself.

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post #5 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-27-09, 05:03 PM
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About a decade ago, I was actually playing in a game for once instead of running it, and I was playing the group's thief. The background of the group (big one, too: 8 players) was my character and one of my buddies were playing elfs, so... we were brothers. the group's half-elf was our cousin. Me and my brother knew the rest of the group only vaguely through our cousin, so I had no real attachment to them per se.

So, We're doing some mission/quest/what-have-you for some lord muckety-muck merchant, escorting a caravan from Point A to Point B. Whackiness ensues and the thing gets hijacked and we have to go rescue it all, which we manage to do, and score more goodies in the process.

We get into town, and get our reward and whatnot, and there's loads of loot to be turned into the local currency or something similar... and since half the group has stuff to do, me, my brother, my cousin and the biggest scariest fighter in the group are given the task to go change everything over and come back to the inn we're staying at later and divide up our loot.

So, on the way to the 'bank' I guess you could call it, I spot a bar and pull everyone inside with the promise of buying them a round, because "I have a proposition for you guys."

Said proposition was this: " Here's what I'm thinking, guys. We could take the money we're getting, and divide it up evenly by eight and give everyone their share, or... we do things a better way. I'm proposing we divide it up by twelve, and everyone gets one share, but the four of us, because we're the ones putting our safety at risk here, carrying all this loot around, get a second share. It's only fair, I think. Plus, I mean, they aren't here. If they really cared about just how much we have, they'd be here with us. Again, this is entirely in the interest of fairness, after all."

As I say this, the rest of the guys around the table look at me, mouths agape, shocked that I could say such a thing.

Jaws really hit the floor when my three companions all thought it over for a bit and... completely agreed with me.

So, for the rest of the campaign, whenever I'd say "I've got a proposition for everyone..." everyone'd groan or just outright refuse to listen to me.

When playing the thief in a group, I always do fun things like have the GM write down on a note what's in a chest or locker or something I've broken into, so I get to see it before anyone else. I wouldn't always tell everyone everything, either.

One fun time, I popped open a locked strongbox and peeked inside, to reveal it had a dozen gemstones inside. When everyone asked me what I saw, I responded: "Looks like eight or so gems! One for each of us! Awesome!"

Again, as time progressed, and I'd unlock something and they'd ask what I found and I'd tell them, the usual response was: "In our math, or yours?"

I always took playing a thief or a rogue type very seriously, in case you couldn't tell.

Years afterward, we were all reunited for the wedding of one of the guys, reminiscing and joking and reliving old times, and the stories of my elven thief came up, and one of my friends' other guests who wasn't in on that campaign asked me why I did that sort of thing, and I told him:

"If you're playing the group's thief, and you either don't have more experience coming in from thievery, or more money than most of the guys in the group, you're not really playing a thief correctly, in my mind."

'At two minutes to eleven, opposite the South African Brigade, at the eastern-most point reached by the British armies, a German machine-gunner, after firing off a belt without pause, was seen to stand up beside his weapon, take off his helmet, bow, and then slowly walk to the rear.' -John Buchan

Originally Posted by Elchimpster View Post
I can't help but think that every time something is proven, a little bit of the magic of the world dies.
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post #6 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-04-09, 01:19 AM
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Think the best in my group comes from when a friend's mom was making a college going away cake for our Half-Orc Barbarian player.

Mom: What name should I put on the cake?
Us: GORK! (the half-orc's name, appropriately enough)
Mom:...but you're not Gork...
Gork player: Gork not Gork? Gork not not Gork, Gork Gork!...Gork confused...

That and (spoken as if suddenly enlightened), "...fucking ninja!"

Last edited by Blind Cougar; 02-04-09 at 01:24 AM.
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post #7 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-14-09, 09:04 PM
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This one is a bit more out of context but was funny none the less. I am currently playing a campaign of Dark Heresy with a few friends. At the time I was this combat beast guardsman. I soaked 9 damage, had a better BS than our assassin with a 58, WS 40, Str 51, Toughness 53 and 19 wounds. You get the picture. The problem is, I did NOT do well with anything else. I couldn't speak to others in more than a few grunts. Well, we were tracking down these "men who were stealing dead bodies". It lead us to this old abandoned Warehouse. Inside we found bags of dead bodies, mountains of them. And then an office upstairs similar to an over-looking office of someone watching the workers. We go up the stairs, knowing someone is inside. The "door" is a piece of cardboard. I am at the top of the stairs and in all my brilliance I shout that we are coming in and to put their hands in the air. As soon as I speak, I am shot dead in the chest with a hand cannon, knocking me on my ass. Well, in true form, my companions know I can soak damage more than everyone else, and they pick me up and charge in using me as a human shield. The men inside are in such shock that they don't react and are quickly.... dealt with.

To get even better, shortly afterwards we head towards the place the bodies are being taken to. We sit outside to lay an ambush for the enemy. Our Arbitor goes inside to "lure the enemy out", but ends up caught in a fight. I charge inside to come help, hearing the shots, and run through the doors to see a sea of blood and body parts. The floor is 3+feet deep of mutilated body parts, partially chewed, blood everywhere. Of course I have to take a fear check. Well, I fail, with a 98. The last of us inside, who is jaded and is fine by the gore, looks at me and says, "Holy Emperor, he is vomiting out of his penis!!!!". After finally shaking it, I attempt to run up narrow, blood covered stairs, three flights up, only to slip and fall off, 3 floors down.... INTO the bodies. While I do soak the damage, I fail my next fear check with a 99. This is all in the course of 3 rounds, and by the time I am back upstairs, the ongoing joke is that whenever I fail a fear check, I end up vomiting out my penis, unable to control my body. Since then, that character died being a hero and saving everyone else, but the penis vomiting will never be forgotten.
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post #8 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-14-09, 09:45 PM
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LARP event several years ago.

Player goes running past a pair of cat beastkin sitting on a wall

Monster crew of gribblies comes racing after him

Player: Help... HELLLLPPPPP!!!
Catkin (raising 4-fingered paw): Love to mate, but no opposable thumbs.

The Infernal Council of the Lord of Nine Tzeentch C:SM Project Log
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post #9 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-17-09, 06:06 AM
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my campaigns had some colossally stupid people in them, at one point my fighter was trying to get himself laid (sad I know) and he was having some trouble with it even with his CHA of 18. Anywho the DM was make him seduce guys to to check if one was a guy he kicked them in the crotch. It turned out to be a girl but the spiky boots caused quite alot of bleeding and guards were called, here's the conversation

Guard: "Halt citizen, what has happened to this lady?"
Me: "I had nothing to do with this"
Fighter: Rolls a 20 for bluff, "It's her time of the month"
Guard: "Ok.... too much information" Walks away
Me: "Can we continue with the quest now?"

we also had some problems with perpetually asking barkeeps "what's on tap"
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post #10 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-20-09, 08:53 PM
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I'm Playing a Dwarf fighter in a forgotten realms campaign with about 100 HP. our group is facing two cultists and their medium sized green dragon ally. i get nailed by the corrosive gas breath weapon and fail the reflex save but the DM got a total of six for damage. the dwarf yelled out "I've had stronger DRINKS!!!" and charged it

A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon. ~Napoleon

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