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-   -   Asperger, and other LD's (https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/off-topic/40863-asperger-other-lds.html)

Tim/Steve 07-06-09 11:06 PM

I know how you feel- though its the people that I thought were my friends that really got to me: people who I assumed were bastards being bastards is fine, people you trust stabbing you in the back is an entirely different pain.

Sounds like pretty much everyone thats posted in here are damaged/angry because of bullying, discrimination or simply through mutual misunderstanding- personally I retreat to apathy and cynism rather then anger... but then I'm one of the many who've struggled with depression so I realise that at least anger is a healthier frame of mind.

Katie Drake 07-06-09 11:28 PM


Originally Posted by NerdyOgre254 (Post 428952)
I sometimes feel sad and frustrated by the fact that I'm not able to integrate with normal people. But nowadays I've just got a near total hate for people.

I can never forgive the bullies and other people who i went to school with - I will hate them now and forever.
There's one in particular that I will devote some time and money to ruining. I'll make sure that he suffers for what he's done to me.

I totally know what you mean about feeling sad and frustrated. Some days I just won't leave the house at all because of feeling hopeless. The important thing is to try to push oneself even on the really bad days.

As for never forgiving the bullies and such... try to let go of that anger and hatred. It's not a healthy thing to carry around with you all the time. Both are extremely negative emotions and when you're in that mindset, you'll just continue to attract more anger and hate.

Try to realize that no matter how cruel these people were, in all likelihood they didn't truly understand what they were doing. If this happened in high school, realize that even the best of us were still stupid kids back then with very little in the way of life skills or maturity.

Revenge probably won't help either. All you'd really be doing is perpetuating the cycle of negativity. What goes around comes around and that works both ways. He'll get what's coming to him if he hasn't already. If you act on your desires for revenge and do something to him, rest assured that it'll come around and bite you on the ass. It's not worth it.


No amount of counselling is going to cover the shit that's happened and it's effects - maybe i should sue the bastard.
Maybe not. I don't know the particular details of what happened so I can't say for sure, but it is important that you continue to get counseling and do your best to continue to live a normal life. Legal action is an option as you do in some ways deserve to be compensated for what you've missed out on, but don't get your hopes up too high - I doubt it'd be an easy case to win and you might even have a hard time finding a lawyer willing to take on the case.

On another note, to everyone - what is it that you actively do on a day-to-day basis to cope with your struggles? In what manner do you take action in an attempt to improve your quality of life?

torealis 07-07-09 09:59 AM

I personally suffer from no learning disorders, but both my parents are, or were, involved in the field. My father is a carer in a daycenter for mentally handicapped adults, and my mother was Head of Special Needs for many many years at a variety of schools.

I don't want this to come across the wrong way, but in general, i am very uncomfortable around the handicapped. My only response is that of pity, and i know that's the wrong thing to do, so i avoid the situations as often as i can... So i guess we can feel as awkward as you guys might sometimes?


Originally Posted by Tim/Steve (Post 428418)
Edit- on a slightly weirder note almost every person at my FLGS is dyslexic... it must be running at 70%+, dunno if this is the same everywhere or just a stats glitch but it is odd.

Interestingly, and again, please don't take this the wrong way, my mother (a highly trained professional on the subject) thinks that dyslexia is overdiagnosed because of a decrease in the quality and focus of teaching of spelling and grammar...


Originally Posted by Katie Drake (Post 428992)
Try to realize that no matter how cruel these people were, in all likelihood they didn't truly understand what they were doing. If this happened in high school, realize that even the best of us were still stupid kids back then with very little in the way of life skills or maturity.

As someone that was a bit of a bully at school, this is one of the wisest things i've heard on the subject.

Tim/Steve 07-07-09 12:05 PM

Yeah, I think its been over diagnosed- some people are obviously very bright and have learning difficulties, others are quite possibly NSS (None Specific Stupidity- read Rob Grant's Incompetence) sufferers who just use dyslexia as an excuse but dont mistake it- just because most dyslexics have problems with spelling, grammer and language it can affect anything (maths, social interactions, how to play draughs... anything), its when it affects everything that it gets a bit dodgy.

torealis 07-07-09 12:14 PM

They used to use the term ESN (educationally sub-normal) as an actual official term...

Alexious 07-07-09 03:39 PM

My heart goes out to everyone in this thread.

Luke, well done. For the record I taught teens with the Asperger/Autism range of learning problems for a number a years. It became a specialty and I found it both the most draining time and most enlightening time of my career as a teacher.

I can only say to those who suffer from such a disorder, that they continue on their chosen paths in life, and that others become more understanding of the disorders and what it means for people to be able to speak about it openly without fear of being made fun of etc.

I always advised my students that places like forums etc were a great place to swap ideas, and have some limited social interaction with others even if it was a web blog, a forum, etc at least once a day.:good:

:good: post LukeValantine.

Galahad 07-07-09 04:08 PM

I'd like to point out how proud I am of those of our members with disabilities like Dyslexia who still take the time and effort to put out clearly written posts. I know that probably sounds petty, of all the things in your life that learning disabilities can impact, how easy it is for a bunch of toy soldier addicts to read your forum posts hardly seems like a big deal, but it's the difference between being defined by a disability and overcoming it.

You can either make excuses, cause a fuss and get haughty when everyone else refuses to bend for your needs, or you can knuckle down, put in the extra effort and overcome. And it is an extra effort, but those of us who do it find it;s worth it in the end.

I was shocked to find Tim/Steve is dyslexic because his posts are always very clear and well written...even when the two of us are going tooth and nail over some pointless rules debate, I always respect his opinion just a little bit more because I can see the effort he puts into conveying it. More so now that I know what a challenge it must be sometimes. (Though it may be that yours doesn't play up with spelling as badly as other things)

I'm only mildly dyslexic and I have to go over my posts a couple of times just to make sure everything's as right as I can make it (and I still miss a bit, the infamous ; for ' substitution I'm prone to I blame on clumsy fingers and a laptop keyboard rather than any disability). I respect anyone who puts a genuine effort into being understood, even if it doesn't come out perfect I can at least tell when they're trying.

It always bothers me to see someone cough up a dozen posts of garbage then blame it on a disability when they get pulled up for it. It seems like 90% of the time they don't have the disability they claim to have, and the other 10% are just so used to playing the pity card that they don't bother putting an effort in.

Dafistofmork 07-07-09 04:57 PM

i struggle (suffer is too strong a word-heck, struggle is) with a very mild form of Asperger's Syndrome (or AS as we call it), specificly with dyspraxia (and a small kick of dyslexial, but that is inqonsiquental).
it largley afects me in 3-4 ways:my hand writing and spelling, soical interactions and co-ordination.
i have difficuty with my hand writing, and often it is disjointed, all of different size and case. it is not only restricted to the pen. when typing i often hit the wrong key, such as the 5 instead of the s, so i would end up with 5omething instead of something. i also can not see how letters come to gether as words at times, and whilst i instantly know if a word is spelt wrong, i can not work out how it should be spelt, even if i spelt it differnetly not 5 minuetes ago.
in social interactions i struggle to understand facial expessions and other sublties, and often i have mistanken frendly banter for bullying. i make myself a victim in this regard. as such i prefer to be on my own with my "fantasy world" as my mum calls it. it is a nicer place. but i do become very...insular and bite off peoples heads a lot when i do that.
my co-ordination has not realy trubled me in years, apart from my handwriting. this is becasue, like all other disabilites, with enough force of will it CAN be overcome, and my willingness (some would say stubboness) to overcome it, and amount to something (my teachers at primary never blevied in me-heck the only people who did were my parents). and now i am waiting for my A-level exam results, so i can finaly say up yours to those who doubted me and go to university and have a full life.

there is also the hearing thing, but i always thought that was just me.
i also have some problem with music. its...complicated, and i dont understand it myself, but it ammounts to all music sounding identical to all other music of the same geunra, and so i "dont like it". but that is like saying i dont like butterflys because they look like moths. its deeper than that.

sorry for the life story. and the poor spelling, but that is just me. normaly i would correct it but i feel to wound up at the moment. sorry.

Tim/Steve 07-07-09 05:38 PM

I know exactly what you mean with regard to the spelling- I use my visual memory to spell: I can normally tell if a word 'looks' right (but sometimes it looks totally alien like I've never seen the word before in my life even if spelt right)... this is slightly weird because in all other respects my visual memory is totally crap (I have no idea which birds are which, could not describe what someone looked like 2 mins after last seeing them and have no talent at all using microscopes to identify minerals- serious problem when you're doing a geology degree).
- although I can spell quite well I am totally unable to spell words in the air (eg when people tell you a word is spelt S P E L L I N G ), I can follow for the first 2 or 3 letters and then just cant keep track... when someone starts swearing by saying the letters I dont normally know what they've said except by assuming its the most common one starting with whatever letter (when its a 4 letter word this is really annoying).

I do have the faintest inkling of what Dafistofmork is saying in regards to music although to nothing like the same degree. Although I love music I almost never buy more then 1 album by the same band: different albums tend to sound identical to me and I get bored easily by them. If I feel like listening to one type of music/album then I'll shove on 1 and be happy to listen to it, having a second album by the same band would be pretty similar to having 2 copies of the same album...
ofc the massive exception to this is Thin Lizzy (my favourite band) which I have 16 albums from (only band I have ever bought a second album for and not been disapointed.. certainly the only band that I have 3+ albums from) but that I think is due to them being so vary varied (rock-blues-jazz in varying amounts)

Hands up those who read Dafistofmork's post and didnt actually notice any accidental spelling errors..?
*gingerly raises hand*

Edit- sods damn law.. in a thread which I talk about spelling I have to edit it 3 times to get it even vaguely spelt right.

Dafistofmork 07-07-09 06:51 PM


Originally Posted by Tim/Steve (Post 429591)
could not describe what someone looked like 2 mins after last seeing them

i know this too well. although that might just be that to vaguley (vagley? vaugley? i think its that last one) understand what they are saying i have to focus on there (thier? their?) mouth and the rest is not taken in.

also, i have a problem concerning routines and change. that is, i do not like my routine beeing changed, even if i dont like it. for example, today (well, an hour ago) we sat down to have tea and my sister sat in my place. felt like someone had grabbed my soul and twisted it slightly. i was only 1 place down than normal, but it realy depressed and upsett and AARRRGGGHHHH me. but i got past it, if not over it and did not mention it because it is a silly little thing that only matters to me.

and if i am forced to go though a change then i get all stressed and frustrated and, well, AARRRGGGHHHH as i am taken out of my comfort zone and thrust in to a new world where i dont know what to do or how to act and its all new and without continuality i feel lost and adrift.
which is a horrible feeling and makes me appear shy and afraid of the unknown.


Originally Posted by Katie Drake (Post 428992)
On another note, to everyone - what is it that you actively do on a day-to-day basis to cope with your struggles? In what manner do you take action in an attempt to improve your quality of life?

well, i usely hide in my fantasy and my books but when i come out of it i am even worse than before. i think the best thing to do is to find a group of friends that understand you and sympthise with you (but dont pity-pity implies that they are better than you, even if they mean it in the nicest way possible-they are sorry you can not be like them.) and just hang out. that is the best way. counsling is a waste of money, as it acchives the same end over a longer period of time, and seclusion makes it worse. just live life and soon you are almost normal (as normal as you can be in this world of individuality-when everyone is differnet, what is normal?)

bloody hell that was good.

also, one thing i found is that people did not activly set out to bully me. they did some macho talk, and i did not know how to respond, and often it degraded in to bullying from there. i suspect that some of them did not even susspect that they were bullying me untill i cracked and tried to take on this guy 3-4 times the size of me. and it is too my credit that i can look back at that moment and laugh at it and that i bear the guy no ill will. especialy considering the fact that one of my old bullies (who once punched me in the face) is now dead from drug over dose (and he is (was?) the same age as me). and whilst i dont like him, i dont hate him either.

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