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-   -   Working on an Imperial fists story, could use some help (https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/homebrew-40k-fluff/170402-working-imperial-fists-story-could-use-some-help.html)

Maverike Prime 10-14-14 02:30 AM

Working on an Imperial fists story, could use some help
 
Okay, so here's the run down. I had an idea for a 40k story that I may have made into a comic. Not really sure about the comic part just yet. Regardless, I'm just in the "idle scribbling notes" stage of the process. No guarantee any of this is actually going in the story beyond the names. But yeah, this is just the "Hmm here's an idea, lemme write it down" stage. Asking for feed back, questions about the notes I have written down... I've kind of hit a mental log jam and answering questions and responding to people commenting about the stuff I already have written down tends to help me clear the jam. So here's what I have:



Story Concept: The movie Predator, but with a 40k setting. A group of Imperial Fists Scouts must make their way out of a blasted city to join up with friendly forces, but they are being hunted by a Daemonic War machine (Mauler fiend).


Other notes, and ideas under story:

A group of Imperial Fists scouts have completed their mission and moved to support another operation on the planet. Once they hit their deployment zone, they moved to engage the enemy. In the process of the engagement they come into intelligence detailing an enemy operation that the Imperial Fists had no knowledge of. If they can get the information back to their captain, the Imperial Fists can move resources to address the new threat. But they are ambushed by a group of cultists and in the ensuing battle, Sergeant Hywel is killed and there is a debate over whether to complete their current mission or pull back to the Storm Raven to report the intel they have uncovered.



Characters:

Bargose: A Chaos affiliated Magos from the Dark Adeptus. Large of statue, corrupt of vision he seeks infinite resources for his works. He leads a massive army comprised of Heriteks, Machine Beasts, and Thralls seeking to crush all opposition to his acquisition of materials and resources. He has allied with Lord RothGar to forward his own ambitions, while in turn supporting RothGars own ambitions with supplies and war machine support.

Lord RothGar: A Chaos lord, he was formally known as Aharon from the NovaMarines chapter of Space Marines. After nearly ten Decades of unquestioning devotion to the Codex Astartes, and unending service, he was denied promotion to Captain. Disillusioned by this latest perceived slight against his honor and integrity, Aharon began his down ward spiral that culminated in his being assigned to a garrision detail to full fill an agreement with the Adeptus Astartes. In preparation for a Chaos raid, Aharon requested additional troops from the NovaMarines, but was denied. Believing that this was deliberate, directed refusal against himself because the Captains of the chapter were specifically targeting him for failure and denying him resources, Aharon threw off his commitments to the Emperor, the Codex, and the Imperium, slaughtered the planetary guard forces that attempted to stop him, stole a ship and fled the planet. Ultimately renaming himself RothGar, he has built up an army of followers who all share the goal of seeing the Imperium burn though RothGar’s personal goal is to see The Fortress Novum burn.

Cynwrig: Imperial fists scout. He is a bit arrogant. To help temper his arrogance Sergent Hywel has assigned him to use a sniper rifle, forcing him to focus on his squad mates rather than himself.

Maurus: Comparatively young to the other scouts, he’s the newest member of the squad. Uncertain of his abilities and his own skills following the augmentation of his body, he is naturally more aware of his surroundings then squad mates and acts as a forward scout for the squad.

Petros: short spoken and known for rarely speaking, he has been ear-marked for elevation to a Devastator squad when a spot becomes open. He carries the squads heavy weapon, in this case a heavy bolter.

Sergeant Hywel: Imperial Fists scout Sergeant.

Reaper45 10-15-14 12:38 AM

Mauler fiends don't really strike me as the stealthy agile killing machine.

Perhaps have it the opposite? a group of scouts cut off from their lines are trying to take one down?

Maverike Prime 10-15-14 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper45 (Post 1925794)
Mauler fiends don't really strike me as the stealthy agile killing machine.

I think you're taking the concept too literally for several reasons.

A- The concept isn't about a 7 foot alien hunter that uses a photon launcher, monomolecular claws, and a cloaking device to stalk a team of commandos in the jungle. The concept is about a team of solders being hunted by a monster.

B- The team of solders are the scouts. The Monster may not be (and I'll honest probably won't be) a mauler fiend like what the model presents. At the moment, I'm just referencing the mauler fiend because it fits the bill, of a monster hunting through the city, better then say the Predator Tank, a HelBrute the Forge Fiend, or the HelDrake.

Reaper45 10-15-14 02:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverike Prime (Post 1925858)
I think you're taking the concept too literally for several reasons.

A- The concept isn't about a 7 foot alien hunter that uses a photon launcher, monomolecular claws, and a cloaking device to stalk a team of commandos in the jungle. The concept is about a team of solders being hunted by a monster.

B- The team of solders are the scouts. The Monster may not be (and I'll honest probably won't be) a mauler fiend like what the model presents. At the moment, I'm just referencing the mauler fiend because it fits the bill, of a monster hunting through the city, better then say the Predator Tank, a HelBrute the Forge Fiend, or the HelDrake.



That's... the exact same basic concept. a man versus nature story of a bunch of solders facing off with a monster.

I realized that once I posted it.
Could you be a bit more specific as to what you want in terms of help?

Maverike Prime 10-15-14 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper45 (Post 1925874)
I realized that once I posted it.
Could you be a bit more specific as to what you want in terms of help?

At this stage it's just the "Hey here's an idea that could be connected to this story let me write it down." stage, which also seems to where the logs have gotten jammed up. What's worked best for me in the past with this kind of mental jam is just talking about stuff. People asking questions about stuff that I've already written. That's what I'm asking for right now. Just... come back and forth convo about it to help get the logs moving again. a little verbal fibre to help move the stuff through.

Reaper45 10-15-14 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverike Prime (Post 1925882)
At this stage it's just the "Hey here's an idea that could be connected to this story let me write it down." stage, which also seems to where the logs have gotten jammed up. What's worked best for me in the past with this kind of mental jam is just talking about stuff. People asking questions about stuff that I've already written. That's what I'm asking for right now. Just... come back and forth convo about it to help get the logs moving again. a little verbal fibre to help move the stuff through.

So aside from the basic outline what do you have? What's the city like? is it a agriculture city or a hive or a century old city?

all I can think of right now.

Maverike Prime 10-16-14 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper45 (Post 1925898)
So aside from the basic outline what do you have? What's the city like? is it a agriculture city or a hive or a century old city?

all I can think of right now.

Given what I was thinking of regarding Bargose, I'm thinking it's a besieged Forge World, one of the smaller more minor capacity style forge worlds, heavily industrialized, but not a forge world setup for the likes of Titans or Super heavies but something like Leman Russes or Chimeras. So it's a supply node for the Imperial Guards, but not the Space marines so the Imperial Fists would respond to the distress calls of the Guard and the.... the dudes with machines that my brain is refusing to think of the name for but yeah. The imperial respond because they have to, not because their obligated to, so they're deploying select forces to support and aide allied forces rather then an out right detachment to save the world itself.

Reaper45 10-16-14 02:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverike Prime (Post 1926922)
Given what I was thinking of regarding Bargose, I'm thinking it's a besieged Forge World, one of the smaller more minor capacity style forge worlds, heavily industrialized, but not a forge world setup for the likes of Titans or Super heavies but something like Leman Russes or Chimeras. So it's a supply node for the Imperial Guards, but not the Space marines so the Imperial Fists would respond to the distress calls of the Guard and the.... the dudes with machines that my brain is refusing to think of the name for but yeah. The imperial respond because they have to, not because their obligated to, so they're deploying select forces to support and aide allied forces rather then an out right detachment to save the world itself.

The mechanius?

So what's the forge world like? Is it a city world like coursant? Towering hives complete with plenty of open spaces?

Maverike Prime 10-16-14 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper45 (Post 1926938)
The mechanius?

So what's the forge world like? Is it a city world like coursant? Towering hives complete with plenty of open spaces?

YES! The mechanicus! Thank you! Stupid brain.

But not like Courscant with the total covering of massive buildings. Still industrilized, but not with nothing but 500 story buildings. More like a city battle in the post-apoc Detroit. Lots of blasted industrial complexes that might as well be mechanical Forrest, if that makes any sense.

Reaper45 10-16-14 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverike Prime (Post 1926954)
YES! The mechanicus! Thank you! Stupid brain.

But not like Courscant with the total covering of massive buildings. Still industrilized, but not with nothing but 500 story buildings. More like a city battle in the post-apoc Detroit. Lots of blasted industrial complexes that might as well be mechanical Forrest, if that makes any sense.

Sooo? Black hawk down?


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