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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Default Lorgar Finds The Word! And The Word Is...

A vast ship- the Word Bearer's flagship, to be precise- floating somewhere in the void of space. Zoom in, then cut to a scene inside; a large and richly decorative room, dominated by a large table and the presance of four Primarchs- Magnus, Fulgrim, Vulkan and the Warmaster Horus himself. They're sipping drinks, looking a little nervous and rather bored. They've obviously been kept waiting.

Vulkan: (making small talk) I'm surprised you came, brother- it's rare that you leave Prospero nowadays.

Magnus: (slightly annoyed, raised eyebrow) Are you suggesting that I shouldn't have come? That I'm not welcome?

Horus: Of course he wasn't, brother. He was pleasantly surprised, just like the rest of us. Weren't we?

Fulgrim only nods, having stuffed his face full of bite-sized goodies.

Vulkan: By the way, Fulgrim, do leave some of them for us. I'd been planning to try those chili olives before you ate them all...

Fulgrim: Ooo shnooze, Oo looshe, brubba.

Magnus: (quietly) Dis-gusting. (louder) You might want to take this napkin before you choke...

Fulgrim: Oi'm ot onna shoke!

At this moment, Lorgar enters suddenly. Horus and Vulkan jump; Fulgrim starts choking. Magnus hands him the napkin, smiling smugly.

Lorgar: Brothers! I'm so glad you could all come!

He's happy. Very happy. Creepily happy, in fact.

Vulkan: (quietly, to Horus) Is he wearing a... chicken?!

And so he is. Curious.

Fulgrim: (still choking) Heh-ello, brother... Ni-nice... accessories.

Lorgar: (practically purring) Thank you... Now, you've probably all been wondering why I've brought you all here. The thing is, I have found something wonderful- something that will change the course of the Imperium's history... Something I wanted to share with you...

The soud of mass lack of enthusiasm.

Magnus: I warn you, Lorgar- if it's the whole 'Daddy's A God' thing again, I will be forced to turn you into a wombat.

Lorgar: (obviously not put off in the least) Oh no, Magnus. It's not that. It's better than that... Oh, you are going to love this! Even Father will love this, and he hardly loves anything I do- it's like he-

Vulkan: (impatiently cutting him off) Well, what are you waiting for? Spit it out!

Magnus: (suddenly worried) Uh-oh...

Lorgar: Patience is a virtue, brother, but I agree... I'll tell you. You see, after years of research and travel all over the galaxy, I have finally found it... The Word. The Word that is the true Word that my Word Bearers were made to bear. I had always wondered about it's true nature, and at last I have found it...

Horus: (obviously interested) And you're going to tell us the Word?

Lorgar: Yes! You see, I have found that...

Magnus: (even more worried) I don't like where this is going...

Lorgar: I have found that the Bird is the Word. And I have made it my life's duty to educate those who do not know that the Bird is the Word- and hopefully, after this meeting, you will too.

There's a pause more pregnant that a mother with quads two weeks after her due date.

H, F, V: (horrified howl) WHHHHHHAAAAAT?!

M: I should have seen THIS one coming... Stupid Magic 8 ball...

Lorgar: Don't you see, brothers? The Bird Is The Word! The Bird, Bird, Bird- The Bird Is The Word! The Bird, Bird, Bird- The Bird Is The Word!

Fulgrim: Brothers, I think we should leave. Now.

Horus and co look at Lorgar, who's now waving his arms around like madman.

Lorgar: (at the top of his lungs) HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE BIRD? THE BIRD, BIRD, BIRD- THE BIRD IS THE WORD! I SAID-AH, THE BIRD, BIRD, BIRD- THE BIRD IS THE WORD!

Vulkan: RUN AWAY!

The rest of the Primarchs flee, hands over their ears and spirits broken. They don't care who sees them, and bundle into their ship as fast as they can.

Horus: Well, that was horrible...

Vulkan: You know what's going to be horrible? Explaining this to Father!

Horus: It's not our fault. He's obviously gone off the deep end without any armbands.

Magnus: (traumatised) I thought he'd gone to Chaos- I could have coped with Chaos- but not this! NOT THIS!

Horus: (soothe, soothe, pat, pat, rub, rub) There, there, brother... It'll be over soon. You'll be okay. You hear me? You'll be okay.

Magnus nods weakly. There's silence for a while, then Fulgrim is heard to hum.

Fulgrim: (under his breath) The Bird, Bird, Bird- The Bird Is The Word...

H, V, M: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !

Quote:
Originally Posted by effigy22
"No daddy, not there... i will be a good boy! i promise! no... not the cupboard! DADDY PLEASE! NO NO NO! Horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy. Daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheReverend
haha, well I was just re-reading A Thousand Sons and came across teh line "the horns on Magnus's breast were thrusting"...
"With a hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place"
-Terry Pratchett

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 12:29 PM
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I lol'd. Fun stuff!


RUNES OF WARDING Y U NO LEAVE?!

https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...ar#post1057655 <--- My Word Bearers log
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 12:46 PM
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL fucking hell i read this in class and fell of my chair laughing ... now they all think im crazy.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 02:03 PM
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Nicely done. It was funny and entertaining :D

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 02:12 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone, for the comments and the reps...

You do know I love you and stuff, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by effigy22
"No daddy, not there... i will be a good boy! i promise! no... not the cupboard! DADDY PLEASE! NO NO NO! Horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy. Daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheReverend
haha, well I was just re-reading A Thousand Sons and came across teh line "the horns on Magnus's breast were thrusting"...
"With a hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place"
-Terry Pratchett

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 05:15 PM
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But I was under the impression everyone had heard... even the farest reachest of the lowliest tendril of Hive Fleet Leviathan.

+rep

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 06:29 PM Thread Starter
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Because of your PM, I had to add something... I won't be able to get it out of my head until I write it down!

Lord Fulgrim is sitting in a normal sitting room, in front of a piano; pictures of Lucifer and Tarvitz are visible behind him. He plays a few notes, then lauches into a song.

Fulgrim: (sings) It seems today, that all you see
Is heresy in picters and xenos on TV.

Horus: (appears, also singing) But where are those good old-fashioned values,
On which we used to rely?

The rest of the Primarchs appear, all dressed up in white tie and tails- and top hats, for some reason. The scene changes to a stage, all dance.

All: The Emperor is a family guy!
The Emperor is a family guy!
The Emperor is a man who
posatively can do
all the things to help us purge those scum!

And here comes the Emperor himself, in a tuxedo.

All: He's! A! Family! Guuuuuuuuuuuuuy!

Exit stage left, pursued by bear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by effigy22
"No daddy, not there... i will be a good boy! i promise! no... not the cupboard! DADDY PLEASE! NO NO NO! Horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy. Daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheReverend
haha, well I was just re-reading A Thousand Sons and came across teh line "the horns on Magnus's breast were thrusting"...
"With a hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place"
-Terry Pratchett


Last edited by Black Steel Feathers; 10-06-11 at 06:42 PM.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 07:15 PM
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knocked the cat off my lap as i was reading this i laughed that much lol brilliant
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-11, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
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Again, thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by effigy22
"No daddy, not there... i will be a good boy! i promise! no... not the cupboard! DADDY PLEASE! NO NO NO! Horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy... horus is a good boy. Daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus... daddy loves horus..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheReverend
haha, well I was just re-reading A Thousand Sons and came across teh line "the horns on Magnus's breast were thrusting"...
"With a hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place"
-Terry Pratchett

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