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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-25-11, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
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Default The New Weapon.

The Chaos Noise Marines, ferocious in their intensity, cruel in their mercy, brutal in their vengeance.

The most feared in their former Legions, the direct offspring of their union with Chaos, the wrath-child of iniquity. Blasphemers, devoted to tyranny and torturous activity that unmanned worlds with a single note!

They march upon the world of Unitus Hes. They march but have yet to begin their soul tearing notes. Their weapons wrought with terror, mind wrenching insanity from eons past.

In their search for horrors to unleash they have come upon the archives of an ancient world, the 1960's and 1970's. A time when man had fallen into depravity, a time of times forgotten.

The Imperial Guardsmen before them began to fire their las-guns and mortar rounds, but their feeble attack would be as nothing before those that death itself feared to come for.

At the first notes from their noise cannons the Imperial Guardsmen fell to their knees, blood began to pour from their eyes and ears, they convulsed and bit through their tongues, they screamed as they began to fall upon their swords and shot themselves.

Unmanned as they were, the Noise marines moved past their outer defenses and directed their "Music" at point blank range. Nothing could stand before them and they laughed as they realized the potent power of what they had found.

The universe would bow before them as they unleashed the voice of Barbara Streisand upon it.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
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Last edited by Adrian; 08-25-11 at 11:16 PM.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-28-11, 11:36 PM
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Lol, truly a fearsome weapon to be unleashed upon worlds.


Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 13-06: "Serenity" has started, get your stories in by July 11th!

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-29-11, 06:55 AM
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I like the premise but the timing of the joke is a bit abrupt. Either the joke needs to come right off the cuff or you need to create an elaborate enough story that the reader has no idea the joke is coming till the end of the story.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-29-11, 07:09 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Todeswind View Post
I like the premise but the timing of the joke is a bit abrupt. Either the joke needs to come right off the cuff or you need to create an elaborate enough story that the reader has no idea the joke is coming till the end of the story.

You think I'm joking? Have you ever heard her sing?

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
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