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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-14-11, 02:29 AM Thread Starter
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Default Mortalitas

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Hey guys. New to the forums. Now to start off I have been a Warhammer fan for years now and only recently been getting into fan-fiction. This is my first Mechanicus-based story (Not to mention Titans..), whereas all my others deal with the Astartes or IG -- So bear with me if I make errors in the lore.

Comment and Critique as you see fit. Enjoy!

MORTALITAS

by Spehs Mahreen

00:

<Location>: Undetermined.
:///
<Status>: Unable for full-scale combat operations after events on Ostiaa III. Legio is depleted. Returning to Teratus Mechus.
:///
<Current Overseer>: Princeps Majoris Selphia [deceased]. Acting Princeps Darrius has assumed temporary command.
:///



In the dark it slumbered, dreaming of vengeance.

The confines of its chambers rattled slightly from warp travel. The smell of holy oils and machinery bore its way into the servitors and tech priests, however due to their augmentations it went by fairly unnoticed. The sound of refitting and repairs echoed around them.

Traveling with the fat-hulled carrier was what remained of the fleet. Only a handful of ships kept pace with their precious cargo. Only a handful of survivors left to defend what remained.

In the dark it slumbered, dreaming of vengeance.

From the observation port Moderati - No. Not Moderati. Princeps. He must remember that. Princeps Darrius starred out into space. Around him console-linked servitors labored away, their bodies physically linked into the ships systems as they guided it to a safe haven. Darrius rubbed his eyes. He was in desperate need of sleep.

“Princeps?”

Darrius turned. His steersmen, Laron, was standing behind him.

“Yes?”

“We have receive a tattered distress signal from the planet Kruis Secondus. They are being assaulted by heretic Astartes.”

Darrius sighed and rubbed the socket-plugs of his exposed arms. “Under regular conditions we would intervene.” He began, “However, due to our circumstances we have orders from Teratus Mechus. What remains of our Legio.. what very little remains.. is to return to the forgeworld and -”

“I’m not finished.” Laron interrupted. “Legio Cruorem is with them.”

Darrius’ eyes sharpened.

In the dark it slumbered, dreaming of vengeance.

“What?”

“It would appear that Cruorem warp-traveled past us after our.. Engagement.” Laron replied.

“How did they get past us?”

“After the ambush we had to use multiple routes in order to secure a safe flight home. That required us to take less-than accurate pathing. Cruorem most likely went straight forward, looking for the remainder of our fleet, and instead ran into the Imperial world. I assume the chaos Astartes joined with them along the way.”

Darrius turned around and tightly gripped the handrails in front of them. His bio-augmented muscles left a slight indent in the metal. A long moment of silence passed between them. Finally Darrius spoke.

“Laron.”

“Yes, Princeps?”

“Inform the Imperials of our arrival.”

Behind him, Laron smiled. “Shall I inform Teratus of our… delay?”

“Yes. Tell them that we will Walk. We will Walk against those that brought ruin to us.”

In the dark it slumbered, dreaming of vengeance that would soon become a reality.


Last edited by Spehs_Mahreen; 08-14-11 at 02:37 AM.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-14-11, 02:47 AM
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A great start to a story, with well-constructed dialogue and effective hints of what is to come. Welcome to the forums, and keep posting


Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 13-06: "Serenity" has started, get your stories in by July 11th!

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Originally Posted by spanner94ezekiel View Post
3. Nothing Boc said should ever be taken seriously. Unless he's talking about being behind you. Then you run like fuck.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-14-11, 04:40 AM
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Default Hi

A great beginning that I hope you continue soon. Welcome to the site, I hope you enjoy the addiction as much as I do.

Were you meaning stared or starred? (Princeps Darrius starred out into space.)

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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