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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-29-11, 11:29 PM Thread Starter
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Default The life and career of Commissar Volkmann

The man was clearly dead. He was laying on his back, with a rugged piece of metal pouting out through his throat. He could not recognize the man, the soldiers face ripped open by the explosion that claimed his, and most of his squads life. The chimera was also a similar wreck. Its back hatch was ripped wide open, and the walls and roof were badly mangled. Its pintle mounted heavy stubber lay on the ground, a hand still clutching the grip of the weapon.

“Blasted xeno wretches”
he could hear Major Hikkowa mutter under his breath, and truth was, that Volkmann shared the man’s sentiment. Volkmann clutched a helmet in his hand, studying its name plate.

“Who? Don’t tell me it is anyone I knew” the major said and chuckled.

“Sergeant Andomus. Always hated the bastard. You will be filling his death notice.” The major laughed.

“Commissar, you fail at relationships.”


“As if I could afford any?” Volkmann replied and threw the helmet aside, before crouching beside the body of the dead sergeant. He avoided looking at the face, it was a terrible mess, the explosion clearly having succeeded with its task. He picked the man’s pockets, collecting his Uplifting Primer and dog tags. He proceeded to turn the body around, relieved by the fact that he would not have to see the man’s face. He proceeded to open the bag, and was about to collect the spare power packs to the lasgun, when he found a brown box stuffed away at the bottom. He picked it out, and opened it.

”What do ya know? Lucky bastard died before I could confiscate these and execute him for breaking the regimental regulations”, Volkmann said, and smiled as he looked at the cigars in the box. He put one in his mouth, and lighted it with a firestick in the box. “Want one, Major?”

“You know I don’t smoke that shit” The major said with no humor in his voice.

“Too bad, they are real good.”

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-29-11, 11:29 PM Thread Starter
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No, I could not come up with a worse name for the story. And C&C is welcome.

More on the way. I promise.

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-29-11, 11:50 PM
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"life of a commisar" would sound better as i pointed out on the chat
also nice story reads as if there will be a lots of humour for the readers If you continue
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 12:22 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Haskanael View Post
also nice story reads as if there will be a lots of humour for the readers If you continue
Of course there will be.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 01:26 AM
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Does he drive a volkswagon? Durhh.

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 01:29 AM Thread Starter
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Waht?

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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 01:43 AM
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I don't know what the other comments had to do with the story; mabye there is an inside joke I don't know about. But about the story, I like it and do hope for more.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 02:10 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
I don't know what the other comments had to do with the story; mabye there is an inside joke I don't know about. But about the story, I like it and do hope for more.
No inside jokes as far as I am aware, thanks, and yes, more is on the way. In fact, I have the next part written, but I am letting it rest for a moment in preparation for the proof readings.

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 12:11 PM
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Good start Doelago. Now finish the job.




Nonsense is our Salvation

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-30-11, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Serpion5 View Post
Good start Doelago.
Thank you sir.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpion5 View Post
Now finish the job.
You hinting at something.

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