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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-23-11, 07:28 PM Thread Starter
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Default I: The Ascension of Hebron Asyder.

I: The Ascension of Hebron Asyder.

Chapter One.

Note: This story is a story about the rise of Warlord Hebron Asyder, Dark Apostle of the Chaos Gods. Those who do not like graphic scenes of bloodshed, violence and insanity, don't read on.

As the priceless artifacts were being discovered, one by one, the marines marched ever quicker through the dark ancient halls of the decaying Space Hulk. It's vastness was intimidating, even daunting at first. This is why Anradiel Merrick, Chapter Master of the White Horns was prepared to send all Available Terminators to various points on the ship, to exterminate any heretical presence which might of lingered there after the battle of Unkenntnis


That battle was a peculiar one to say the least. While the cult leaders summoned hoards of daemons that slowly brought the advance of the White Horns to a grinding halt, it came to be that just when the White Horns were being repulsed back to their drop sites that the legions of monsters vanished. Back into the warp from whence they came. Such was the folly of Chaos, or so Anradiel Merrick thought.


Victory, victory against the hoards of Chaos, an enemy this young Chapter had never faced before. An enemy it could not afford to lose too, but as Aradiel Merrick looked down on the dead planet bellow he remembered why he was leading his elite forces on this Hulk, it was just too coincidental that as the final victory came, the unidentified, seemingly deserted Hulk appeared, out of nowhere.





The Terminators traversed through the empty corridors and they found themselves faced with invaluable equipment, weaponry of thousands of years in age, still in perfect condition. All of this was to be marked down on a map, for later collection. But one thing shone out to Anradiel, an ancient Crux Terminatus necklace which lay delicately on the table of an abandoned med bay. It was illuminated by the red light which radiated off the planet bellow, a beautiful mix of red and gold combined in this piece of Jewelry, appealing specifically to the Chapter Master.


Anradiel took the neckless into his large hand and squeezed tightly, looking into the emotionless terminator mask of his lieutenant brother, he let out a few simple, but powerful words.


“Take this in the name of purity, marvel at it's perfection and think of the one God Emperor as we purge whatever plagues this most ancient of vessels.”


“Yes Chapter Master... I, we... We will purge whatever heretical beings lay in wait, if there are any at all.” The lieutenant said, feeling honored at this gift.


“Oh there are Urthin my brother, they are just so few in number they fear us and think that cutting our communications will stop us achieving total victory. “


“How do you know it's the forces Chaos my liege ?” Another terminator asked, aiming his assault cannon down the long, deserted corridor.


“For I can hear them, I can hear the heretics and their foul prayers echoing in my ears, their voices become stronger and stronger as we press onwards through the Hulk. Don't you hear them, brother ?” The Master asks this, his certainty draining, as he ended the sentence, but before anyone else could speak, Urthin raised his voice.


“Now you say it, I realize it, I can hear them, whispering to me, telling me lies and trying to distort my faith in the true God, the Emperor.” Urthin said loudly, and the veterans of the White Horns stood in an awkward silence, uncertainty and perhaps even fear ran through the veins of them all, their communications link to all other Terminator squadrons had been cut and now, they were hearing the prayers to the Dark Gods.



Invicticus's face was unrecognizable due to the blood and mutilation. His torso had been defiled even more, transformed into an altar of chaos undivided. The eight pointed star shone bright blue, and slowly spread across his body evenly, cutting the flesh as it traversed across the monstrous stripped and imprisoned Terminator who stood chained by chaotic forces on a platform, in the center of the converted hanger, infront of a crowd of fifty chanting heretics.


They prayed to Khorne for his blood, they prayed to Slaanesh for pleasure from the inhumane torture, they prayed that Nurgle infects his veins and beg that Tzeentch would write them in his later schemes and plans.


At the head of the congregation stood a tattooed, mutated man who had a nervous twitch, and four eyes and this was apparently proof of the Gods blessings. He shouted louder then the rest, made swift and powerful body movements to enthrall and enthuse his minions and unsheathed his sword for the final act of mercy to the fallen Marine, but this visage of authority was shattered as his head was pulverized by the merciless beam of the lascannon, fired from the ever evolving arms of an Obliterator, who was shortly followed into the room by a crimson armored marine who bore a burning book on his shoulder and mystical machinery that climbed up his arms and around his neck and then finally followed in by the the chosen of the Gods.


The fifty fell to their knees and attained silence as the three men walked to the platform where the now unconscious marine stood, his blood had not yet congealed and the apothecary sounded worried as he spoke softly, surprisingly soft, for one so lost in evil.


“My Lord, unfortunately I fear Larraman's Organ could be damaged from the torture.” He stopped speaking for a moment, as his mechanical arm started to hum, a long needle entered the flesh of the fallen marine, taking some of his precious blood. The Obliterator watched on, highly intrigued by the whole event, and then the puppeteer crossed his arms, ignoring the congregation which wished blessings onto him.


“No, no it is still active, everything is in order..” The Apothecary said after a minute or two, reading the data transmitted onto his transmitter. “It is just the magic of the Gods which do not allow him not to bleed at all... “ Silence ensued and the silent man smiled, and spoke for the first time in a deep, mystical voice.


“You are correct, but wait a moment, I want to speak to him, I want to ask him something.” He spoke loudly, and the cultists shuddered with every word that left his mouth, fearing and praying to the man who stood infront of them.


Turning around the Apostle faced the crowd, his beautiful face cracking into a gentle smile, his highly polished, undamaged armour glittered in the gloom of the Space Hulk. One of his many blessings from the Gods is to attain the appearance most preferable to him, and he took the most beautiful form in his imagination, to confuse and to infuse.


“You all fought, valiantly.” The Apostle said calmly, looking over the quivering wrecks of men who knelt in submission. “ It is not an easy thing to see your world burn, to burn for a belief in the Gods which offer what is unattainable by those who worship a man. Those who are believing in a system where those at the bottom can not reach the top. But, I assure you, Chaos, Chaos offers a path to those who are strong, and I tell you brothers, I tell you on this day, that you are strong.


You survived, you thrived and you felt the pleasure and wrath of the Gods on Unkenntnis and on this day you will feel all of this again, but today I offer something different, something which should inspire you to even greater feats.” The Apostle stoped speaking, his elegant features relaxing after the powerful speech, in which he still holds the complete sway of all those in the converted hanger, he takes a deep breathe in and points to the Apothecary. “We are willing to make those who survive this battle against the invaders Space Marines, Space Marines of the Gods, those who have brought power onto you already, but could bring so much more, and this is my offer to you all, kill and be rewarded...”





Anradiel Merrick looked down at the dead Word Bearer, his mutated armour was still crawling with life, so concerned were the marines that they found themselves shooting repeatedly the dead traitor, none of them had said a word after killing him and Anradiel found it that he should say the first word.


“Traitor.” Was all he could muster, he had heard rumors that one of the Traitor legions was sighted on the dead planet, that was partly the reason that the surface was virus bombed repeatedly till nothing lived. But now it was obvious that it was not just heretics that were to be slain, it was far more personal then that.


The Terminators all gifted insults upon the dead traitor as their auto cannons eventually pulverized the corpse until it was unrecognizable and could not be recognized as ever being a man, but Anradiel was more concerned with what was to come, the options were narrowing as they pushed further on, and now it was just one long corridor, he knew what was to come, a confrontation with Traitors. How many ? He couldn't say. But the six Teriminators all knew that there was to be a battle to be fought, but what they did not expect, was the scream which brought them all to their knees.


“Wake up !”





“Wake up.” The Apostle whispered gently into the ear of Invicticus but there was no response.


“Wake up !” The Apostle screamed, his screech permeated the minds of all those on the Space Hulk, ringing for an indefinite amount of time, making even the Obliterator stagger backwards and most importantly bringing the Veteran back to consciousness. The Veteran screamed and his body shook violently from the Word Bearers words.


Laughing insanely the Apostle cuped the Marines cheeks in both of his hands and screamed once more, his insanity now evident to all those present, as he said “ Who, is, your, God !?” There was completely silence as the Marine shook, it was not evident if it was either fear, or chaotic forces which made him look so weak.


“The Emperor, the Emperor is the only God of Humanity !” The defiant Marine spat into the face of the Apostle.


The Apostle froze, his anger and horror vanished into a look of shock, a look of amazement, he turned away from the Marine and glanced quickly at the Obliterator who stood there silently, and then to the Apothecary who watched on, and then he turned to the crowd who knelt in fear now, fear of their fate. But the Apostle laughed, he laughed, and was dieing for breathe at the end of it, his beauty now disfigured by the daemonic wails that left his mouth. The Heretics joined in and even the Apothecary aswell, laughing softly. Turning back to the Marine the Apostle grits his teeth and then says gently, and loudly.

“The Emperor, is a corpse, he is no God.” He smiles, and then continues speaking. “For if you knew, what I knew, if you had seen what I had seen, if you had had your faith... Shattered, infont of your eyes by your God, you would understand, but you will never understand, so I leave you with a gift, a gift from a God, who is a God, enjoy.” The Apostles right hand wraps around the skull of the Marine and he starts to speak in a foreign tongue, that of the daemons and the speech is sour as forbidden words are spoken, and the Gods themselves smile as the soul of a hapless daemon finds itself in the Marines body, fighting for control.


The Battle was about to begin, blood was about to roll and Hebron Asyder, Dark Apostle of Chaos was to prove himself once more in the eyes of the Dark Gods.

Part One. Chapter One

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-24-11, 05:23 AM
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Cool so far. I do look forward to the next part.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-24-11, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks alot mate, it means alot, I've almost finished the second part now.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-24-11, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Chapter One: Part Two.

The voices that lingered in Anradiel Merrick's head started to materialize in reality aswell as in his mind, for now the Terminators could see the blast doors which lead into the hanger, and could hear the fanatic prayers of the cultists inside. The battle had not been easy, and one Terminator had been lost to Traitor fire, but without a doubt the Word Bearers had been dealt a harsher blow, as the ground was littered with the corpses of Chaos Marines.

As the corridor widened the Marines attained a peculiar formation, with the Chapter Master at the front, two Terminators directly behind him and another two to the left and right of them. This gave the best Arc of fire, and there would be no way that anyone could survive the onslaught to come.

Urthin, the Masters lieutenant had remained silent throughout the many hours of fighting on the Hulk, but now he opened his mouth, and Anradiel thought even his voice sounded odd, but perhaps this was just for he had not spoken in hours.

"Brothers, make haste, we can not let them finish their ritual." Urthin spoke in a monotone, devoid of emotion, not peculiar of him, but finally Anradiel spoke.

"And how do you know they preform any Ritual Urthin, how do you know what, if anything lays beyond that door ?" He asks politely, but it comes across as if he is annoyed due to the pace in which he speaks.

"For I can hear them, we can all hear them, can't we ?" He asks rhetorically and Anradiel feels the other Terminators nodding, one by one. But Anradiel wasn't sure if he meant physically, or in their minds...

--

"Ave Satani a Stupor et Christi." The Apostle whispered into the ear of the former Space Marine, for he was no longer a Space Marine, no. The Space Marines soul had long ago been shattered and sent into the warp, but what Hebron preformed was an ancient ritual, which imbued the Deamon with power, teasing the Daemon, and he brought its body from the warp and into reality, this is what came into fruition with every syllable he muttered.

The body bled endlessly bled, to purify itself of the dirty Marines blood. The skin changed colour, from a beige into a purple, then finally a red. The face molded and horns grew out of the Marines forehead.

Hebron laughed and then looked at the defensive positions infront of him, there were more Word Bearers now, all prepared for the battle that was to come and then Hebron realized that it was only he who was not ready. Spinning his Crozius Arcanum around in a circle, he effortlessly picks up his pistol and starts to walk into the middle of the room, he then climbed ontop of one of the old refueling depots and raised his chosen weapon as high as he physically could before shouting, he knew that even the Marines outside could hear him.

“Bearers of the Word, today is the eve of victory. We are victorious for our dedication to the True Gods of Chaos, we are victorious for our righteousness and we are victorious for our schemes, which have ultimately put us in this situation.” He speaks with a loud, clear voice, and the words lingered in everyone's ears.

“Now, Cultists, you do not understand. But believe my words. Behind those doors stand the lackeys of the false Emperor, they prepare to kill us all, will you let this happen, will you let this –



The Hanger Doors swung open, Anradiel could not take the waiting anymore. What lay infront of him was a wide, open hanger, with 50 cultists stood in a formation, and behind them was a platform with the defiled marine, still shaking, pulsing and evolving. To either side of the cultist formation lay about 10 marines, entrenched behind several meter high blocks of steel which once held cargo, they were not visible.

Almost instinctively the marines instantly unleashed a hail of bullets from their autocannons, shredding the first three rows of heretics instantly, they didn't have time to scream as the bullets created a mist of blood and bone, from where the heretics bodies had been pulverized.

The Apostle raised his arm and shouted the order, out of nowhere the Word Bearers raised their heads from behind the Cargo containers and unleashed a storm of lead at the Marines, the bullets bounced off of the Terminators, half of whom at this revelation redirected their fury at the Traitors. There was no cover for the Terminators but that was not needed as they merely suppressed and then annihilated the enemy, one by one. For the very few which reached the Terminator lines were met with flames, and as they burned the Deamon Possessed Marine shook violently, wanting to join the frey.

The Apostle smiled as he ducked behind cover. This was going all to plan, he could kill two birds with one stone with the current situation. It was time for the Obliterator to die. He had been, useful, he had been loyal but he wanted the terminator armour which had been stripped from the dead Marines, unacceptable.

Anradiel was in a rage, letting his anger out on the heretics but letting his gun out on the traitors and once the heretics had been disposed of, it seemed that only the eight Traitors which survived were left to deal with, that and the Apostle. But Chaos is never as simple as it seems, and as the Terminators advanced, they found themselves spread out slightly to cover all angles and this is when the tide changed.

Reality cracked infront of where the blood had poured, in the midest of the bodies of heretics. Suddenly an Obliterator appeared, no longer at the back observing the battle. The Marines panicked and diverted all fire onto him, and this is when the Word Bearers charged, jumping over the tall depots and shooting wildly at the Terminators. The Obliterator screamed praises to the Gods as he fired two heavy bolters at the same time, killing one Terminator out of sheer persistence and forcing the others to spread out further to avoid the deadly fire.

The Chapter master charged into the Word Bearers. His fist flew into the side of the first marine to reach him, while his storm bolter repulsed the next. He went into a systmatic rampage which his comrades held in awe, and the Word Bearers in disbelief as he went one by one, killing the traitors.

In the mean while the Obliterator had killed another Terminator with his las-fire and proceeded to charge at another, his hands transforming into power fists as he ran.

It was only the Apostle who lingered in the background, watching the bright red daemon of Khorne scream and struggle in the chaotic chains embrace. The daemon was around seven feet tall, two hundred kilograms with blood dripping from its muscular form, it had hooves for feet and a large, neon silver axe lieing undisturbed on the floor beside it.

The battle ensued, and once all the Word Bearers were dead, or unconscious Anradiel looked towards the Obliterator and charged. Running faster and faster it took the Obliterator a moment in all the chaos to realize what was happening, for he was lost in the frenzy, the storm which he had unleashed. The Chapter master jumped and went to strike the Obliterator in the side of the head with his power fist, only to find the Obliterator grabbing his hand and throwing him over his head and onto the floor. He unleashed one last blast from his lascannon at the remaining two Terminators, knocking them over, critically wounding another. Then he took his two mighty fists, now imbued with the power of a power fist and one hand went to strike Anradiel in the head. The Chapter master caught the Obliterators hand, then the Monster knelt down and prepared to punch him with his other fist, only to find the Chapter Master somehow blocking that with the same hand.

This duel was not to go on for long, it was inevitable that Anradiel would die, he could not out strength one of these creatures, so he said one last prayer to the Emperor and pushed with all his might. But as the Obliterator pressed down and with more force he started to become excited, feeling the end was near, ignoring the other Terminators who were now back on their feet.

It was going to be over, so soon... The monster thought, ten.. nine, eight, seven, six... But what the Obliterator didn't realize is a Marine who jumped over his head and attached a melta bomb to his back. Before he could react the charge exploded, instantly splattering the torso, neck and head of the warped being onto the Chapter Masters face.

The Hanger was now a graveyard of Traitor, heretic and Space Marine alike, and the three terminators including the Chapter master walked forward, towards the Apostle who stood idly by the chained deamon, Crozius in hand.

“Traitor, today you meet your fate.” Anradiel said confidently, continuing to walk forwards, the two other Terminators behind him, both of them also brandished their weapons, pointing them at the Apostles head.

“Fools.” Hebron said loudly, a wide grin coming to his beautiful face. “You really believe you will defeat the champion of Chaos ?”



Urthin loved the coast, there was just something about where the land met the sea. It was truly magnificent. The fresh air ran up his nostrils and into the back of his mouth, perfection. The sun was high in the sky, making the water glitter and the stones illuminate, it was to good to be true. This was his homeworld, the world from where he was stolen by the White Horns oh so many years ago.

He could hear the children laughing and as he turned around, he saw her there. Tall, blonde and beautiful he stared into her deep blue eyes, forgetting everything, noticing only her in her entirety, she donned only a simple white dress and spoke with the softest voice he had ever heard.

“Urthin, my love... You look so tired, so tired.. What is wrong ?” She tilted her head and looked at him with worried eyes, after a moment or two he still doesn't speak. “Please, don't think, don't worry, just come with me and all will be well.

Urthin took her hand, and walked off into the sunset.


The Apostle smiled, and called upon the powers of Chaos, the mighty Tzeentch had told him of the marines folly, how they took the corrupted amulet, which he had placed, fantastic. Using his mind the Apostle activates the Golden amulet and Urthin lost control of his body, and the powers of chaos forced him to unleash his autocannon into the chest of his brother beside him, Andriel spun around and started to run at the traitor marine, and it was at this time The Apostle unleashed the deamon from its bindings...
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-05-11, 05:13 AM
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First off, welcome to Heresy-Online and the Original Works section! It's always great to have new writers join the ranks, and you've definitely started out well.

Quote:
Note: This story is a story about the rise of Warlord Hebron Asyder, Dark Apostle of the Chaos Gods. Those who do not like graphic scenes of bloodshed, violence and insanity, don't read on.
Always the best way to snag my interest haha.

Going on to the story, I'll start with the improves so that we can end on a good note haha.

First, you have some random capitalized words that I don't really get. For example:
Quote:
It was illuminated by the red light which radiated off the planet bellow, a beautiful mix of red and gold combined in this piece of Jewelry
It seems unnecessary to capitalize since you're using the vague word "jewelry" rather than the proper name of the Crux Terminatus.

"Its" vs "it's" I mess that up all the time, simply because I have a bad habit of getting in the zone, getting excited, and zooming through writing. You've got a couple of slip ups back and forth, and a quick read through asking yourself which is appropriate would fix it.

Towards the end of your first post you have some tense confusion:

Quote:
“The Emperor, the Emperor is the only God of Humanity !” The defiant Marine spat into the face of the Apostle.
*****
He smiles, and then continues speaking.
*****
The Battle was about to begin, blood was about to roll and Hebron Asyder, Dark Apostle of Chaos was to prove himself once more in the eyes of the Dark Gods.
That one paragraph in the present kind of disrupts the flow since the rest of the story was in the past tense, but not enough to make it less enjoyable.

Cool stuff:

I liked the description of Invicticus's scar, how it slowly spreads across his body while slicing through the skin and emitting the blue light. Damn cool idea.

I liked Part II much more than Part I, it seems delving into the action is your stronger suite, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. The fight scene between the 10 Word Bearers and the loyalist boarding party was effectively quick and brutal. The obliterator's demise made me a bit sad on the inside, as I love my tabletop oblits oh so very much...

The inherent confusion with the minds of the loyalist marines under Hebron's magic is also intriguing, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this piece goes.

Random notes:
Quote:
Ave Satani a Stupor et Christi.
This made me chuckle a bit, seemed out of place in a 40K piece due to Christianity having long been abolished for the Imperial Cult. Maybe (and this is a horrible Googled translation) "Ave Atrum Vox a Stupor et Imperator," or "Hail the Dark Powers and stupidity and the Emperor."

TL;DR: Some minor nit-picky errors, but overall a great start to what promises to be an engaging story!


Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 13-06: "Serenity" has started, get your stories in by July 11th!

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Originally Posted by spanner94ezekiel View Post
3. Nothing Boc said should ever be taken seriously. Unless he's talking about being behind you. Then you run like fuck.
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