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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-22-11, 12:05 AM Thread Starter
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‘Awww-come on!’


‘Blood for the Blood God! Blood for the Blood God! Blood for the bla, bla, blaaaah! That’s all I ever hear.’ said Khorn wearily. ‘Though it’s nice to be praised and worshiped I am getting tired of the same old chant.'

‘What would you have them say? Skulls for the Skull God. Spines for the Spine God? Ha! That makes me laugh!’ Slaanesh rasped hysterically while chewing upon the ripened arm of one of his unfortunate followers.

Khorn growled and stepped forward menacingly on cloven hooves that left scorch marks on the marble floor. ‘Don’t laugh at me! I will tear out your heart and eat it Slaanesh!’

Slaanesh laughed even harder, ‘That might feel ever so good, Khorny. How would you like to begin?’ Slaanesh bared her teeth and spread his legs alluringly.

‘You disgust me, She’him!’ Khorn yelled as he drew his sword.

‘Please put your sword away.’ Tzeentch sighed. ‘This changes nothing. Your endless bickering tires me out.’

‘Cough! Gasp! Weeeze, Sneeze! Me Yachoo! Too. Grown. Nurgle managed to stammer.

Tzeentch Moved between the two. ‘Before you try to give the Pleasure God his due tell me why you are so tired of the chants.'

Khorn stomped around the room yelling and screaming while swinging his massive sword in figures of eight. His horns shot forth flames and his tail whipped out in fearsome onslaughts that shook the very air.

'There is no more originality in my followers. They just yell and scream while killing and shedding blood, Blood for the Blood God! I’ve been hearing that since the beginning of time and I would like something new!’ he screamed.

Slaanesh cackled in the distance, ‘What would you have them call you, Khorny? “Scary temper tantrums for the Temper Tantrum God?’ Ha!

'Tzeentch, get out of the way! I will rip that she-male into pieces!’ Khorn exclaimed.

‘Oh! Please do! TEAR ME LIMB FROM BLOODY LIMBA!’ Slaanesh cried.

‘Weeze, cough! Do it and get it over with, Gasp, sniff Khorn. I am getting so ECHKK-CHooOHA! Tired of her/ him/ it.’ Nurgle vomited out the words.

Tzeentch put his head into his hands and sighed. ‘I am able to change anything in the nine futures, the nine pasts and even the nine nows; but what I would give to change you, Nurgle. You are truly icky. Being near you makes me want to shower.’

‘Caugh-weeze-gasp-pant-spit! How do you think GASP-WretCH I feel?’

At that even Slaanesh closed her legs and sloothed into the corner. ‘I’m up for anything but "it".’ She/him said while pointing in Nurgle’s general direction.

Tzeentch put up one hand into the air before his ever changing face and extended his index finger straight up in an “Wait a minute and stop” gesture. His face was still buried in his other hand. ‘Can we get back to the subject at hand? Khorn? Please? What would you have your followers call you or chant or whatever?’

Khorn stopped for a moment and held his breath until his face turned almost blue. ‘Well? UH? Ummm? I haven’t got that far quite yet.’ He said slowly and thoughtfully.

‘Awww-Man! Come on! You have got to be kidding me! You drug us here for this meeting to tell us you are tired of the chants, “Blood for the Blood God” and that’s it?!’ Tzeentch Exclaimed.

‘Caugh-Gak-Gak-weeze! You make me sick!’ Nurgle Rasped.

Slaanesh just fell on the floor and laughed until she peed himself.

‘Well, before this meeting started I knew what I wanted my followers to call me, but Slaanesh started laughing at me, You started questioning me and Nurgle started… well you know? And then I forgot.’ Khorn skipped his left hoof on the marble floor leaving a scorch mark in its wake.

‘Okay. This meeting is called on the account of stupidity. See you all here again next year.’ Tzeentch said as he walked into the shadows and disappeared.

Nurgle coughed one last time and squirmed into the cesspool he had arrived in.

Slaanesh just stared at Khorn and laughed in his face. ‘Nobody ever accused you of having brains, did they?’ Khorn slashed his fearsome sword but Slaanesh was already gone, laughter the only reminder she/him was ever there.

Khorn stomped around and screamed until his throat was raw, then he set back on his haunches. He had to think. In the quiet he could hear his followers chanting ‘Blood for the Blood God! Blood for the Blood God!’

‘Awwww-come-on!’ He yelled.

In the realms of men thunder boomed as Khorn yelled. His followers exclaimed, ‘Khorn is pleased with us! Blood for the Blood God! Blood for the Blood God!

We move slowly through the shrouds of fog sending pestilence before us. There is no hope! We are the Death Guard. Fear us for we are coming for you!

Last edited by Ambush Beast; 03-13-12 at 02:38 PM.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-22-11, 01:42 AM
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lol, nice. Crazy shemales pee'ing themselves. Excellent writing.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!"

"YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!"

Last edited by InkedDnA; 07-22-11 at 01:45 AM.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-23-11, 08:56 AM
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LMAO even the title says it all thanks Adrian i needed a laugh today and the best bit was Slaanesh pointing at Nurgle and saying "I'll take anything but it" LOL nice one my friend
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-23-11, 11:11 AM
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn!
 
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WoW, this is excellent Adrian. Really enjoyed it and its a great relief from all those killing heretics stories.
This really made me smile. I liked the humor and how you portrayed each of the gods especially Tzeentch and Nurgle who were the best in my opinion although the others were great as well.
Only problem was some of the spelling but that's just a minor thing and there are only a small amount of spelling mistakes so it doesn't matter.

Really great. Keep up the good work :D

I see in colors, can only smell in grey,
Blinded by light, I drown in dismay.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-23-11, 11:27 AM
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Nice!


Nonsense is our Salvation

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-12, 12:14 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the comments. I am shamelessly bumping this story so those who have not read it yet get to.

We move slowly through the shrouds of fog sending pestilence before us. There is no hope! We are the Death Guard. Fear us for we are coming for you!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-12, 12:21 AM
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Very unique, a nice break from the seriousness of most stories. Loved it :D

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-12, 11:13 AM
Tzeentch laughs at likely
 
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Amusing.

Is the reference to seven pasts/nows/futures canon, as otherwise I feel it would work better as nine to match Tzeentch's sacred number.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-12, 01:00 PM
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