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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-06-11, 08:08 PM Thread Starter
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Default Heresy Online's Expeditious Storied 5: Hatred

Here's how it works:

Each month, there will be a thread posted in the Original Works forum for that month's HOES competition. For those of you interested in entering, read the entry requirements, write a story that fits the chosen theme and post it as a reply to the competition thread by the deadline given.

Once the deadline has passed, a separate voting thread will be posted, where the readers and writers can post their votes for the top three stories. Points will be awarded (3 points for 1st, 2 for 2nd, and 1 for 3rd) for each vote cast, totaled at the closure of the voting window, and a winner will be announced. The winner will have his/her story added to the Winning HOES thread.


The idea with the theme is that it should serve as the inspiration for your stories rather than a constraint. While creative thinking is most certainly encouraged, the theme should still be relevant to your finished story. The chosen theme can be applied within the WH40K, WHF, HH, and even your own completely original works (though keep in mind, this IS a Warhammer forum) but there will be no bias as to which setting is used for your story.

As far as the theme goes, please feel free with future competitions to contact me with your ideas/proposals, especially given that my creative juices may flow a bit differently than yours. All I ask is that you PM me your ideas rather than posting them into the official competition entry/voting threads to keep posts there relevant to the current competition.

Word Count

The official word count for each competition will be 1,000 words. There will be a 10% allowance in this limit, essentially giving you a 900-1,100 word range with which to tell your tale. This is non-negotiable. This is an Expeditious Story competition, not an Epic Story nor an Infinitesimal Story competition. If you are going to go over or under the 900-1,100 word limit, you need to rework your story. It is not fair to the other entrants if one does not abide by the rules. If you cannot, feel free to PM me with what you have and I'll give suggestions or ideas as to how to broaden or shorten your story.

Each entry must have a word count posted with it. Expect a reasonably cordial PM from me (and likely some responses in the competition thread) if you either fail to adhere to this rule. The word count can be annotated either at the beginning or ending of your story, and does not need to include your title.

Without further ado...

The theme for this month's competition is:


Entries should be posted in this thread, along with any comments that the readers may want to give (and comments on stories are certainly encouraged in both the competition and voting threads!) 40K, 30K, WHF, and original universes are all permitted (please note, this excludes topics such as Halo, Star Wars, Forgotten Realms, or any other non-original and non-Warhammer settings). Keep in mind, comments are more than welcome! If you catch grammar or spelling errors, the writers are all more than free to edit their piece up until the close of the competition, and that final work will be the one considered for voting. Sharing your thoughts with the writers as they come up with their works is a great way to help us, as a FanFiction community, grow as a whole.

The deadline for entries is Midnight US Eastern Standard Time (-5.00 hours for you UK folks)Saturday, 28 May 2011. Voting will be held from 29 May - 4 June.

If you have any questions, feel free to either PM me or ask in this thread.

Without further nonsense from me, let the writing begin!

Table of Contents

Bane_of_Kings: Vengeance for the Lost
Gothik: Both Sides of the Coin
ThatOtherGuy: Hatred
GregorEisenhorn: Hatred
Andygorn: Devastation in Prague
Gaius Marius: Blood Ride
Akatsuki13: All That is Left
Svartmetall: Sedition

Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 13-06: "Serenity" has started, get your stories in by July 11th!

Originally Posted by spanner94ezekiel View Post
3. Nothing Boc said should ever be taken seriously. Unless he's talking about being behind you. Then you run like fuck.

Last edited by Boc; 05-28-11 at 05:40 PM.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-06-11, 10:28 PM
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Well assuming my computer doesn't go out again, I actually do intend to submit a piece to this one. Lol.

Originally Posted by Oldman78 View Post
The chaos gods abandoned Horus most likely because they saw the can of whoop ass coming their way and wanted out of the way so as not to get fucked up!
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-06-11, 10:54 PM
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Hmm... The gears are turning once more. There's plenty of easy ones to go for, especially in the 40k setting so I think I'm going to go for another WHFB story.

'There's a fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.'
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-08-11, 11:06 AM
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The germ of a WFB-based story came to me about the warband of Sebastian Scarabus from the old Realm of Chaos 'Lost And The Damned' book, which is the only place I've read about them and -as far as I know- they don't appear in any novels (but where, hopefully, the story wouldn't require someone to have read the old stuff to get the meaning). But do people think something with these characters in would be sufficiently 'original' enough for this competition? Or not?

I'd be grateful for any replies/feedback, thanks AndyG.

Urgently trying to trace any living relatives of Private Sam/Samuel "Jock" Wilson (Black Watch, No. 6 Commando, UK Army Service ID 2764432, died 10.06.44). Any info/suggestions gratefully received.

"Mockles! Pent on silpen tree, blockards three a-feening. Mockles! What silps came to thee, in thy pantry, dreaming?"

Please check out the HOES (Heresy Online Stories) threads and vote for the tales.
More feedback = better stories for everyone.

Last edited by andygorn; 05-08-11 at 11:14 AM.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-08-11, 01:26 PM
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Vengeance For The Lost
1043 Words

THEY HAD REDUCED us to nothing.

They had smashed down our homes and tore apart our lives as though they meant nothing to them... the hounds of the corpse-Emperor.

I used to believe that he was the only light in the galaxy. Before all of this... I was naive. Very naive, to believe that the Emperor was the only thing out there. The only thing that could ever offer me anything.

That is until I found him. Until my chapter found him.

We had been sailing through the warp for what had seemed like decades before we were approached by our new god. Countless decades, cut-off from the guidance of the emperor and abandoned from his false light.

We had been fleeing our homeworld. Our own homeworld.

A chapter never abandons their homeworld. Most would rather die with it than to flee. Some of us did. In fact, most of us fell to the wrath of our enemies that day.

A single day.

That was all it took to reduce the mighty fortress world of Marchados Prime to nothing but ash and ruin. Oh... how I hate the foolish followers of the Imperium.

It is irony, yes – for I understand that I was once as naive as them. The only difference now is that they are still idiotic, and I am not.

I have changed since I first pledged the remainder of my days to him, changed in all shape and form. Although I boast a mutated left arm, it has only made me stronger. I am no longer as handsome as I once was – and I know that I can never be again.

But greatness does not come without a price, for I am wiser. Stronger, more powerful and better in every possible way.

And they remain the same.

Sure, they will have gained more experience over the years that we have been seeking refuge in the anomaly known as the Eye of Terror, but their wars have only left them weaker.

We have had no such wars, and therefore we are stronger. Ready to kill, ready to burn.

“My lord. The Chapter is ready.”

A voice floats through my ear, and I snap to attention. Even though we are no longer Imperial Astartes, we are still astartes – still angels of death, even if the meaning of the word angel is different.

“We await your command, my lord.”

I recognise that voice as my eyes flicker open from surfing what some called the Great Ocean, and what others called the Warp. The voice belonged to my champion – a Battle-Brother named Kazran who will one day go on to become much greater than I will ever be.

I look across at him, and allow the warrior to lead me to the Drop Pod, still painted in our chapter’s colours. We have not changed them yet, but one day we will. We will change everything.

I am the first into the Drop Pod, closely followed by Kazran, Theodomis, Lexandro, Rexan and Covanium. They take their positions around the transport, and attach themselves to their harnesses.

I utter one simple word into the vox-link embedded in my throat, addressed to all the remaining adeptus astartes. Seven hundred is all that is left, from what originally consisted of a thousand.

Three hundred battle brothers fell in the defence of our homeworld. Three hundred.

Three entire companies.

Gone. Dead.

They will never return to us. Names filter through my ear now – names that represent soldiers who I had fought alongside since I had been part of the 10th company.

Adrexal, who was responsible for the death of two Terminators before his untimely demise. Maxius, who boarded an enemy Land Raider with the aid of Paronix, taking the crew by surprise and then using it to turn the guns on the enemy.

And the others. Paveal. Corthanis. Balbos. The list goes on and on and on.

And it is today that they will be avenged. Our enemy will rue the day that they ever decided to set foot on our homeworld – rue the day that they decided to assault the chapter.

Sure, Imperial Records will state that it was our own undoing that brought them upon us – and maybe they are right.

But the past does not matter.

It is the future that does.

Here and now, is where we will emerge triumphant. Here and now, where our enemies will be cast down from the walls of their very own homeworld – just like we had been. The Knights of the Raven will pay for their assault, and the loyalists will suffer another deadly blow.

They have already lost our chapter.

Now, they will lose another.

And there will be nothing that they can do about it. They will hunt us down and try to seek vengeance, but they will never find us. We will disappear, into the Eye of Terror once again.

Only this time – we will have our purpose filled.

They should all follow my command. All of them. However, I know that not all of them will stay true to me. Most will follow, admittedly – but others, some will hold their ground. They are the ones that will need convincing. I know my command squad and the first company will have my backing, as well as the second and the third.

But the others?

I am not so sure.

Maybe this assault will convince them, when they gorge themselves on the gene seed of loyalist warriors. I hope that it will. Deep down, I know that it will.

“My Lord,” urged Kazran, repeating his earlier statement. “We await your command.”

“You shall have my command, Battle-Brother,” I respond – looking Kazran directly into the eye. The next sentence was spoken into the vox link embedded in my throat – on an open link, to the entire chapter.

And to even the Knights of the Raven.

But I don’t care. Let them know that we are coming for them. They will think us destroyed, but we will show them. We will show them all.

“Eternals! Strike hard, strike fast! For Tzeentch!”

Seven hundred voices echo two words in perfect unison – as though the voices only came from one head. “For Tzneetch!”

Last edited by Bane_of_Kings; 05-16-11 at 08:02 PM.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-09-11, 07:20 PM
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Awesome stuff Bane

Strike Force Crucible <--- deathwatch army log

You are charged with the crime of existance Xenos! - Watch Librarian Auron
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-11-11, 01:01 PM
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Both sides of the coin

Word count: 971

I bless my ancient armour for giving me the strength to go into battle against the ancient enemy. Oils cover my body and incense around me heighten my body’s awareness of what is happening around me.

My armour is placed around me and they dare not falter for my love of my armour would mean their deaths if they drop even one part of it. In Lorgars name my armours battle spirit chants to me and I join him in the chant.

This armour I wear has been worn by countless other sons of Macragge going back centuries. Some of the wearers of this mighty armour have fought against the ancient enemy and died. I am the instrument of their revenge.

I flex my muscles and the armour responds, this ancient suit of blue armour is ready to go into battle, his spirit is placated and as I speak the words I know off by heart to our most sovereign father and our most powerful grandfather the spirit joins with me. This is for Gulliman, the emperor, and Macragge.

My bolter, the same one I have gone into battle with for over ten thousand years by the accursed imperial time is ready. I have disassembled it and reassembled it. The spirit within growls to spill the blood of the ancient enemy, I join it in the need for revenge.

The slight has never been forgiven and we, the true embodiment of faith and righteousness will never forget the insult given to not just us as a legion but the master of the word. This battle will be all that we can give and like my blessed bolter I will kill many more sons of the accursed Gulliman, for Lorgar, for ancient Colchis and Sicarus.

My bolter is ready. I have adjusted the line of sight, after my last battle it was a little off but my weapon has been blessed, the war spirit within is ready. I can feel the hunger to slay more enemies of the emperor. They have come here to this world, a world of Ultramar to slay and enslave.

Our war with them will never end just as their hatred of us will never end, it is ongoing, never has an enemy inspired more hatred then the sons of a traitor. I know the stories, the tales told to me in my days as a Novice. The old feelings will never fade. They came here to enslave we will stop them and their insane father. For Macragge and honour is our courage, for Gulliman and his strength is our weapon and for the emperor who watches over his mighty sons.

The dark apostle has spoken. The gods have blessed our battle; we roar affirmation to our father and our gods for vengeance is in our hearts. The portents are good and the hatred flows, there will be blood spilt this day and this battle is one more in a line destined to bring our father back to lead us.

I long for the day that our father will once more walk amongst us but until that holy of days and that blessed of hours we will fight in his name. The citizens on this world the ancient enemy call Delphi, they will know what the true meaning of faith is, and they will be ours in death or slavery they will be ours.

We are here now and we will deal with this affront to our territories. I see their monstrous beasts. To see a once noble legion fall so far gives me pause for thought. I recall the history lessons, their fanatical worship of the emperor turning to something darker.

The demons they have in their bodies and in their employ come towards us and we shall meet them, the full might of the Ultramarines with our successor brothers, Lord Calgar sent the call out and they all answered, the hatred flows. No surrender, no retreat.

I clash with a son of the accursed Gulliman, I remember still in my memory the day we were forced to kneel before him and that so called Sigilitte, the shame burns deep in my heart and my soul. His head crashes into mine trying to throw me off balance, I stand firm; my armour stands firm in the sight of the heretics.

He roars his affirmation for his father, I laugh in his face, he throws a punch that connects but once again my armour forged in the armoury of mars but blooded in the fires of hatred stands firm against this mechanical soldier of the false emperor. It is no good appealing to him, he is brainwashed into the service of the rotting corpse if it is death he seeks then I shall give him death and my blessed bolter snarls his hatred.

This son of a traitor is stronger then I thought, his archaic corrupted power armour is more then even I thought it would be. This armour was forged millennia upon millennia ago and he is certainly bigger then me but that is nothing when I have the spirit of blessed Gulliman in my veins.

His words of hatred wash over me but my eyes sting from the sigils that adorn his armour, I manage to loosen his helm and send it crashing to the ground but what greets me is a sight I never thought I would expect. He is a son of the arch traitor in all the countenance that one would expect from such a son, he is handsome but his eyes are ugly, they burn with religious fervour. There is no reasoning with one like this and as I push him off me my bolter barks.

And the sound of thirsting gods fills the air.
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-11-11, 04:51 PM
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Pretty nice stuff there gothik. I like the Word Bearers vs Ultramarines ideas, and the conflicting viewpoint. .
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-12-11, 10:33 AM
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thanks bane, just read your one and i like the view of a newley fallen chapter :D
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-18-11, 08:17 PM
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Sorry guys but I am far too busy this month or the next to submit anything at all.

I have recently started a new Blog. I would really appreciate it if you would LOOK AT IT
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