A/N: Okay, so what if, the soldiers of the far-future find themselves in the year 2011, scaled down to the size of the minatures that we all know and love?
Humor / Parody.
Table of Contents:
Chapter One: In which my day goes from bad to worse (Post One)
The Chronicles of Madness
In which my day goes from bad to worse
I SWUNG THE door open, and put down my rucksack on the floor, tired from another very boring day at school, especially as this was a Monday, meaning that I had the unfortunate fate of having a double lesson spent in the computer room almost as soon as I arrived at school.
In a hot, boiling computer room where we had been forced to continue boring work for that we had been doing for the whole of this year, and the majority of the last, I might add.
There was a note, hastily scrawled on the kitchen table which I noticed as soon as I entered the room, informing me that my mum had gone to a conference in Manchester and would not be back until at least Thursday, possibly more, and my dad had gone on a trip with his own company to Buenos Aeries, (A/N: Apologies if this is misspelled
.), in Argentina.
I sighed, knowing that I would be on my own for the next few days, as my dad’s company trips lasted at least up to a week, mainly because he always seized these opportunities to escape the boring reality of office work.
Oh, my name is Aaron, by the way – Aaron Clark. I’m sixteen, and I’m in my final year at secondary school, and this is currently in the last few months before I have my exams that will no doubt decide my future.
And I can tell you that I’m not looking forward to it one bit. Reaching into a cupboard, I fumbled for a snack, and after a few seconds, I pulled out a snickers bar, and munched on it as I made my way upstairs to my room, chucking the wrapper in the bin as I passed.
This was when I heard a very strange sound, a sound that almost seemed to be gunfire. But that couldn’t be possible, unless my dad had left the television on whilst he had been watching a war movie.
But I doubted that, as he’s a very careful person. So, naturally, my inquisitive side getting the better of me, I finished the last mouthful of snickers and scurried back downstairs, to investigate the cause of the gunfire.
And oh boy was I in for a big surprise.
Being a fan of the Warhammer 40,000 universe, I was in for a very big shock when I found out that around about five hundred miniature sized figures had now materialised in my living room, and were engaging war on each other as though they had not noticed the changing in the surroundings.
My jaw dropped in surprise as I noticed two different races in the room, with roughly an even mix on both sides – spread between the Imperial Guard and the Eldar. Standing there like an idiot, I watched helplessly as Sentinels exchanged fire with Red alien jet-bikes, and Leman Russes fought with Fire Prisms, and Guardians outmatched the humble Guardsmen, completely ignoring my appearance.
“Holy Crap,” I mumbled, and looked down to see that the forces had finally taken notice of me, and the fighting stopped abruptly, as there was a surprising ceasefire on both sides as they turned their attention towards the giant that had just interrupted their battle.
Several guardsmen fainted, as if they hadn’t had just been fighting aliens who were twelve times more powerful than I would be in their universe, probably more in the case of the Revenant Titans and the Imperial equivalent.
Yes, they had titans too, which amazed me, as they came up to about my knee height. Thankfully, there were no Emperor Titans on hand, which would have probably made things a lot more difficult.
Suddenly, without warning, the Titan which had the name ‘Emperor’s Wrath’ etched on the side, and I probably guessed was a Scout Titan, opened fire at my leg, and I yelped in surprise before dodging it.
“Alright, who gave you the orders to fire that thing at me?” I asked, peering down to the cockpit where I could get a clear view of the now terrified princeps (that term was, according to my friend Scott, used to describe the person who controlled a Titan), and his crew inside, who had probably never been this frightened in their lives.
After all, they were meant to be one of the biggest things on the battlefield. It was only right now that they realised that they weren’t.
Picking up the Titan, I rested it on the coffee table in front of the TV, which I was surprised to see, hadn’t taken any shots yet. I was thankful for that as well, because otherwise my mum would’ve no doubt killed me.
Or, at the very least, got me to by a new one. After placing the Titan on the table, I yelled directly at where the princeps had been sitting. “Don’t shoot at me, you got that?”
Despite the shield protecting the Titan, the princeps inside actually nodded, shaking with fear. Turning to the others, but still keeping one hand on the aforementioned Titan, I yelled to the others, “And don’t you lot get any ideas, neither! Or else you’ll find this Titan coming directly at you.”
At this threat, several guardsmen actually stepped back, who were of course shot without mercy by the nearest Commissar. I turned to the Eldar, who had obviously got the hint, but still held their guns from firing at the Imperials, who did the same.
This was a surprise.
“Right,” I announced, quickly scanning the room, and relieved to see that nothing had been smashed or broken, apart from a DVD of a movie which I didn’t like. “No shooting, okay? You guys are lucky that we haven’t caused any fires yet.”
This caused lots of outbursts, particularly in the Imperial lines.
“...But these are xenos! You can’t honestly expect them to hold their word!”
“SHUT THE HELL UP! I DON’T CARE WHO’S GOING TO BACKSTAB WHO, BECAUSE NOBODY IS GOING TO SHOOT OR I’LL THROW A TITAN AT THEM!” I bellowed, after getting sick of hearing the various complaints that had spread out across the room from both sides.
After a moment’s pause, I decided to speak again. “Right, assuming both of you have leaders, I want them up here now, and unarmed. And, no questions asked, for anyone who does will, like I said earlier, have a Titan thrown at them.”
A few minutes later, we had our leaders, reluctantly unarmed and reluctantly in this current position. On the Imperial side we had a five man command squad, backed up by a Commissar and a couple of bodyguards, as well as a psyker.
The Eldar however, had sent up what I would later find out to be what they would call an Autarch, plus a Seer Council as her (or at least, I presumed it was a she) bodyguard.
“Now that we’ve got that out of the way,” I said calmly, both sides staring at me in the same manner of hatred as they reserved for each other. “My name is Aaron, and I run the place.”
I decided not to mention that my parents were much bigger than me, and would be coming back in a few days. “And,” I decided to add, “Anyone who disagrees with me will have a Titan thrown at them, got that?”
“Now that I’ve introduced myself, it’s your go.”
“Colonel Stark of the 105th Elysian Drop Troops Regiment, reporting for duty,” the Colonel snapped to attention, and I wondered if he knew that he shared the same surname as Iron Man.
“Commissar Thengel,” the cap-wearing man introduced himself, before adding, “Lord Commissar Thengel.”
“Autarch Isla,” the female remarked, before continuing. “Now, if you would kindly allow us to get back to our war, mon-keigh, then we will be satisfied.”
I sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you, there won’t be any more fighting! Look, I don’t know how you got here and I don’t know what planet you came from, but all that matters now is that we’re in this together. And when I say that, no matter how much you hate the race standing opposite you, we need to co-operate in order to find out how to get you lot all home.”
There were somewhat reluctant murmurs from the forces around the place, and I heard on question from Commissar Thengel. “Aaron, I’m afraid we have no idea where we are. I believe if you told us, this might be able to help us more easily.”
‘Bummer’, I thought. “Well, basically, you’ve travelled back in time.”
Several outbursts erupted through the guard lines, the Eldar having no doubt already realised where they were and what situation they were in, judging by the calm-ish looks on their face. “How far have we gone back, if you don’t mind me asking?” Colonel Stark questioned, curiously.
“You guys are probably not going to like this,” I remarked, “But you’ve travelled back in time to the year 2011.”
“Two-Thousand and Eleven?” Colonel Stark almost fainted with surprise. “You can’t surely mean... that we’ve gone back before the Crusade? Before even the God-Emperor conquered Holy Terra?”
I nodded. However, before I could say another world, a loud warcry droned out all the others, one that I recognised with growing dread.
The Orks were in town.
A/N: So, how'd you like it? Seeing as this is a dedicated warhammer forum, rather than the Fanfiction.Net that I posted it on elsewhere, I'm expecting harsher feedback from the heretics.
Next Chapter: In which I inherit a Waaaggghhh, and meet some Angels of Death.