Settling the Score (HH - very short) - Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums
Original Works All user written fiction from any Games Workshop setting should be posted here. Please use the drop-downs to denote which setting your story belongs.

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-13-11, 09:55 AM Thread Starter
Senior Member
increaso's Avatar
increaso's Flag is: England
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Cheshire, UK
Posts: 408
Reputation: 1
Default Settling the Score (HH - very short)

I was trying to write a short Horus Heresy piece to submit for this months HOES: 'Betrayal'. However, the story has fallen to shit. I don't think I can get the point across well in so few words. I will perhaps post more if any interest is shown, but I am no wordsmith! So without further ado here is the introduction.

The Beast

The reclusiam, aboard the newly named Fulgrim’s Hand, was shrouded in silence.

Lucius knelt in quiet meditation; his power sword rested at his side. His mind was swarmed with images of the perfect slice; the perfect stab; the perfect kill of a perfect opponent. He hungered for challenge.

He inhaled deeply and an aroma broke his thoughts. It was jasmine, or blood, or something from when he had been a mere man, or a million other contradicting scents.

Stood before him, clad in the resplendent purple armour of the third legion, was the Fulgrim-Thing.

Lucius opened his eyes, but kept them averted, afraid that the daemon would see into his soul, sense the distaste and punish him for it.

“My Lord?” he asked.

The daemon clasped has hand around Lucius’s chin and raised his bald self-mutilated head until eye contact was made. “You do not need to play this game”, it said gently. “We are proud of you.”

Lucius examined the daemon’s face. It was exquisite beauty; it was the face of his Primarch.

“How may I serve?” Lucius asked.

“The Warmaster rewards fealty and punishes defiance”, it said. “Captain Hun’kar of the World Eaters legion commands the Hruskan Raiders regiment. He has been instructed to quell the resistance on Pyrium III. You will join him”.

Lucius sneered.

“This work is beneath an astartes of the Emperors Children.”

“We will see”, it replied with a leer “We will see.”
increaso is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-19-11, 09:47 AM
The Traveler
Dirge Eterna's Avatar
Dirge Eterna's Flag is: USA
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Langley, VA
Posts: 2,559
Reputation: 1

I like your language here, whether accidentally or not you've used a lot of very gilded terms and the like which fits in quite nicely with the Emperor's Children and Lucius in particular. Good imagery, good interaction between the characters. My only nitpick is that it's too short!


You'll forgive me, but you must be mistaken. I've met your makers, and they don't even know your name...

(Updated Mar. 19)

Hat in the Ring
Dirge Eterna is offline  

  Lower Navigation
Go Back   Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums > Fiction, Art and Roleplay Game Discussion > Original Works

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome