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post #1 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-16-11, 05:43 PM Thread Starter
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Default It Doesn't Feel Bad Anymore- first 40k fanfiction

It Doesn't Feel Bad Anymore

Phase 1-Denial




You can always tell yourself to expect the worse. Grow up on a planet like Cadia and the thick odor of blood, shit, entrails and smoke is like knowing an old friend. You grew up with it, and it doesn’t matter how much you’re indifferent to it now- there’s still something welcoming about the familiar.

So when I got through my training you can imagine I was more than a little fucked up on the inside when they shipped me off to some rock called Primaris Beta. No briefing, no warning, nothing. The company was rounded up and ushered onto one of the cruisers and we were on our way. No matter how foul it was, the familiar was gone.

They can remind me how expendable I am. I just wish they could have had the common courtesy to tell me what they were expending me for so I might have had a little peace of mind. Instead it was a guessing game as soon as we set down as to what would be on the receiving end of our almighty lasguns. It was fun enough and it made recruits like me feel better, talking about the trophies we’d be taking back with us for friends, family, and Emperor.


Guardsman Derek’s moment to watch his life flash before his eyes was interrupted by the curdling wail of metal being shred. He instinctively clenched his fists, curling his fingers around a lasgun- a lasgun that wasn’t even there.

Years upon years of constant indoctrination, propaganda and all the glory of death in battle had done nothing this day. Today, Derek began to wonder if dying anonymously as a coward was any worse than dying anonymously as a brave guardsman.

The heavy footsteps echoing off nearby in the hall jarred his train of thought yet again, and it was clear to him that deep down he wasn’t fooling anybody- especially not himself.

There was no shouting. There were no explosions. The smell of blood, shit, entrails and smoke was nowhere to be found- only horrible, apathetic silence. Sometimes it isn’t a matter of being brave and strong, because the only thing more terrifying then silence in the dark was the silence shattered.



-------

Well, that's my first piece! I intend to continue it, but I wanted to know whether or not it's worth continuing or not at all.
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post #2 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-16-11, 10:03 PM
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This is pretty good. I'd definitely like to see more of this, +rep

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post #3 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 01:00 AM Thread Starter
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When we came to Primaris Beta, I was caught off guard by its landscape. It was clear that this was –once- an Imperial world. I say once because it seems we hadn’t been in a hurry to reclaim this place as the city hives were ancient. Well, by my standards at least. You could tell where the sun shines by the huge, lush growths pouring out of windows, statues and spires. It might have been a wondrous city in better times, but nature had taken this place from us. Most of the other men just seemed annoyed by this- Commissar Hauss was visibly repulsed, but not a lot of us cared for what the Leashes thought unless it involved potential summary execution. Something creeped me out about it, though.

If this had been such a jewel in the Imperium, why had we let it go for so long? Between this, the lack of any Psykers and no briefing whatsoever, I wasn’t feeling too good about this place. Being a grunt, I was never used to being in the loop in the first place unlike the Toy Soldiers in higher places; but here I had never hated being so out of it as before.

I’m not sure what counted for one here, but I’m pretty certain we had been marching through the ruins for over a day. Despite the inaction before, we sure seemed in a hurry to get where we were going to now. I was starting to see why so many Imperial proverbs had forbidden such free thinking- I was going more than a little stir crazy with all the unanswered questions. But Hauss seemed more ominous than usual. Nobody ever looks the guy in the eye, but you could feel his gaze when it fell on you. I hate this place almost as much as I hated that feeling.

Most of what we passed through was all the same old gothic architecture you see in any other hive world. Arches, spires, overbearing statues and the scrutinizing gaze of uncountable skulls. No battle scarring anywhere in the city. Nothing. Not a bit of evidence to suggest anything bad went down, but it was there. The plants released tons of spores, creating a red fog that wasn’t helping anything. It reminded me of all the stories about the Chaos warp stuff the priests would rave about on the barges.

------------

After what seemed like hours, Sarge N’ Charge Cassak as we liked to call him said we could be at ease and rest for an hour or two. Lho-sticks were being passed about, I just sat down and continued to be as muddled as I was before. I noticed Cassak talking with Commisar Hauss. Ol’ Hangman’s face never changes, but the look on Cassak’s face was not a happy one. Whatever it was Hauss had told him was gonna have backlash on me too. I could feel it.

I figured it out later when it was go time again. Cassak called the squad together and we did our usual formation. “Alright, here’s the deal, gun-babies! Platoon’s splitting up into several scout parties. I’m going with the others since I know they can actually get shit done. In the meantime, you’re going to be under the watchful eyes of Commissar Hauss, so play nice. We’re going down into the chasms below Old Pious bridge up ahead. You lot on the other hand will be securing said bridge and garrisoning the checkpoint bunker on the other side. Got that?”

I don’t even need to bother mentioning “SIR YES SIR” but that’s how it was. Being the fresh recruits, we hadn’t heard any of the details, so we decided to play along with the whole Old Pious thing. Hangman Hauss was calling the shots, so we followed closely. It felt nice to be behind the bastard for a change. Nobody had ever been able to figure out what exactly would be scarier- some Genestealers from behind or Hauss ready to mount your ass the moment you glanced over your shoulder when the enemy was coming from the other direction.

------------


I think I can safely say now Hauss. Either way you wind up dead, but with Hauss you end up like this.

Hiding, alone in the dark with two very different kinds of monsters looking for you.

Last edited by C'Tan Chimera; 02-17-11 at 01:02 AM.
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post #4 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 04:11 PM Thread Starter
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I had just finished with the wire across the rims of the Old Pious bridge. There was no river below it, but rather a ridiculously deep chasm. I think some ancient Imperial force must have drained it out for some military purpose. So why hadn’t they finished it? Where did everyone go?

That question was finally answered when one of the other whiteshield’s vox went off. I couldn’t hear anything from his vox set, but I could see his eyes at once bug. “Commissar Hauss, sir! We got a situation from team Primarus!” The commissar slid out of the shadows, as unnerving as ever. It was at that point the muffled screams coming from the vox became audible. I could feel my hairs slowly rising. The Commissar immediately plucked the headset from the grunt and talked into it.

“Get a grip on yourself, soldier! Repeat that!... Confirmation of what? By the damned throne, you WILL tell me what is going on down there!... What? … I see. Very well. May the Emperor guide your soul, for this is a brave deed.”

The Commissar grimaced and handed out the headpiece to the now visibly shaken voxman. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted an answer. “S-sir, may I ask what’s happened to Primaris team?” Hauss remained silent.

That’s when I felt the tremor and the faint sound of an explosion far below. Most of us ran to peer over the ledge and only briefly got to see the chasm illuminated by an orange glow. “Fuckin’ hell, man. What happened?!” One of the other grunts shouted. “Yeah, sir, I wanna know what the bleeding ‘Throne we’re getting into over here before I go ano-“

I watched his head go right off his shoulders and tumble into the pit below. His nearby buddy could only gasp, covered in his blood. Hauss stood there with a smoking bolt pistol, as calm as always. “Fear denies faith. Return to your positions immediately except the demomen. We’re rigging this bridge. Vox handlers, set up a communications hub.”

First death in our squad and it was by one of our own. For talking about the hindrance of fear, Hangman Hauss sure didn’t seem to be worried about dispensing it himself.

It seemed like the longest couple of hours in my life. Nobody said a word after Hauss set his first example. The few demomen had it ever worse, having to scale the barely-intact bridge and plant it with charges. They’d long be dead when they hit the bottom, but that chasm had so quickly garnered its grisly mythology that the fall was the least thing the Demos were worried about.

I had to look out the backside of the bunker, watching for anything down the road opposite of the bridge. Doesn’t speak too well of Hauss’ thoughts on me, as nobody gave a damn about that. Everyone was fixated on whatever that hole held deep down. Every once in awhile I could have sworn I saw a flicker of red move off in the distance. My heart would ready to clamber out of my ribcage, but I’d calm myself down. Everything around here was red, after all. I was not about to be shot up by Hauss for making a scene. I could feel as though he was watching me, but it could have been some other watchman, or something else.

The amasec wasn’t helping anymore. At first I thought I was drunk, but I could see some movement. The ground itself was swelling. The strange red flickers off in the distance vanished. I merely watched for a few seconds, awed by it.

Then they squirmed out. For a second they were all curled up, but then unfolded. I realized I had been pinching myself. I wasn’t drunk, and I wasn’t dreaming. They scattered off to the sides, spazzing the whole time. Hauss was outside for the moment with the demomen, but I still withheld everything. Once I saw the shimmer of gigantic blades though, I didn’t care to hold it in anymore.

I screamed. Loudly.

I grabbed my rifle and screamed again, this time coherently. “THERE ARE SOME FUCKING THINGS OUT THERE FOR THE LOVE OF THE FUCKING EMPEROR HELP” Within a second half the platoon was in here. None of them were happy when they didn’t see anything. “Don’t go all scrambled on me now, Derrek.” One of the guys voiced. They acted annoyed, but I could see the same feeling on their faces that was crawling around under my skin. “I mean it, dammit! Check the sides! All of them!”

Another gunbaby shook his head, rolled his eyes and turned to the spiral staircase below. “Hey, Vance! Derrek here says you’ve got a monster coming to visit! Why don’t you do a Yarrick and let him know how you feel?”
I wanted to be embarrassed. For the love of the Throne, that’s all I wanted. I wanted to hear some laugh from below and some mocking. But there was nothing.

“Vance?...” The same guy muttered. All I could do was whisper “Oh shit.” They all bolted downstairs to Vance’s position just like that, but I couldn’t move. That’s when the screaming started. No lasfire, just screaming. Hauss would be back any second now and I could probably be mulched for damaging morale. At least that’s what I thought. A shriek from below.

OH FUCK! THAT’S FUCKING VANCE! WHAT THE FUCK OH EMPEROR”

That was the last of coherent voices. It all turned into a ramble of screaming. I could hear something upstairs with me. Mumbling, in fact. I kicked my fear in the teeth and dashed for the stairs. 2, 3 stairs at a time, I scaled the thing. One of the guardsman was out in the open, frantically waving down Hauss. The others were in a panic, back up against each other outside and looking around. It started to dawn on me I was the only person left in the bunker. Suddenly, I felt a drop of rain. I glanced up at the window.

I looked at Vance and he looked back at me. At least I think it was Vance. I almost idly wondered where his skin had gone. All the blood and flesh didn’t hit me as my thoughts ran right back to the thing I had seen earlier. I heard another noise and a strange whirring sound. In fact, I heard what sounded like a couple of things.

Then suddenly Vance stepped out of the dar-ohfuckme whatthefuckit’swearingVance’skinwhatfuckhelp
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post #5 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 04:25 PM
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What I've read so far is actually pretty good. Definitely something I'd see from a normal guardsmen. Continue the good work son.
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post #6 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 05:25 PM
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theres not many stories written from a gaurdsman's POV. good so far

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post #7 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 06:29 PM
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Keep writing, buddy. I loved the
Then suddenly Vance stepped out of the dar-ohfuckme whatthefuckit’swearingVance’skinwhatfuckhelp

bit.
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post #8 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 07:17 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the comments, everyone!

-----------------------


It reached for me. I ran. What else could someone expect in that scenario? I fell back into my squad, leftovers platoon, I dunno. Point is I fell back. We opened fire on the thing. I don’t know how much we emptied into that thing, but nothing happened. We liquefied all that was left of poor Vance, but it was too late by then. No matter how mechanical it was, I could still imagine the meat that was Vance’s face gawking at me.

It was pretty much the only time I was happy to see Hauss, but I was happier than ever when he swept in, tearing it’s arm off with his powerfist. The creature itself shrugged it off, twitching and shivering wildly like some sort of insane wind-up toy. It lashed out with its other arm, quickly flensing the skin from the side of his face with horrific accuracy. It managed to get a snarl out of him who followed up by twisting its other arm off before bringing his fist into its chest. That’s when one guy behind me yelled.

Five more of the violently twitching creatures were slinking towards us. Hauss was immediately forgotten and we fired into them. Again and again and again. We managed to down two of them before the other three got within distance. I won’t forget the image of those things reaching out… Trying to take our skin… We backed up with the exception of one guardsman. He must have had far bigger balls then the rest of us, but probably in direct proportion to his brain. He lunged at one of them, trying to bring his gun butt into its neck…

I couldn’t think anymore about it. You figure trying to distract yourself from the current situation with an old one would calm your nerves. I guess that doesn’t work when it involves a man being stripped of his skin in seconds before your eyes… I ran.

To have one of those things reach out and touch you for even a second… I saw no glory. I saw no tribute to the Emperor. My eyes travelled along it’s blade and to its face. Those eyes, those throne-forsaken eyes…If you could even call them that. It was like looking into that chasm, but I don’t know if there was a bottom in those eyes…There would be no heroism, no soul joining the God Emperor… Only darkness, and a creature wearing me. Final moments of realization. The Emperor could not protect me here.

I abandoned them. I ran. I ran and ran. I could hear their screams and I only ran harder. I saw a glow from the corner of my eye and saw more…things crossing the bridge. I could hear Hauss yelling at me to get back and detonate it. I thought for a second, but then I could only see that same creature with Vance, except it wasn’t Vance’s face sagging off its metallic skull. It was mine. I kept running. I think he shot at me. I didn’t look back.
And here I am now. Cowering in the dark of the bunker. I think they’re in here with me. Give me Greenskins or Twists or whatever, but not these!
I had to get out. I didn’t want to be cornered. Turning around the corner I run for the stairs up toward the main level. Anything was better than getting killed by those things. Anything at all was so much better. The stairs are calling for me and I long to go up. Up and out. Anything is better than those monsters.

As if on cue, something flies out from the storage room on the right and I’m swept off my feet. I connect with the cold rockrete and I feel the blood. I’m picked up.

Oh sweet Golden Throne- it’s Hauss!

Derrek was dizzy, but he could make out the horrifying face of an enraged Commissar Hauss. Half of his face was caked entirely in gore, blood trickling from what was left of his mouth. It was a little better than the metal creatures, but Derrek still had to fight back the urge to release his bladder.

“You abandoned your brethren to die, filth. Cowardice in the line of duty…” He hacked up blood, getting it on my face- I could feel the powerfist begin to tighten. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t abandon them on purpose- they could have run with me...Coulda regrouped...

“You kept on running after I told you to detonate the bridge, leaving me to do it myself. Insubordination.” I kept my terrified gaze fixed on his own. Something in me was screaming. The fanatic guardsmen who would give his life for the Emperor had died somewhere within me and this time the screaming wasn’t of terror.

“You allowed them to take the bunker without a fight… Treason…” His voice was as gravelly and cold blooded as possible. I could feel his grip tighten on my arm and it began to scream too. I’m not a traitor… I made a mistake but I’m not a traitor…

“We’re all dead men now, heretic. But the long-range comms vox is online, and when the main force arrives, they’ll know… We’re both going to die, but you… You have been found wanting, and I shall make sure you are sent far from the Emperor’s grace.”

I could hear the click of his bolt pistol cocking. I briefly noticed more of those red dots again, appearing in the background, but my mind went back to the pistol. I’m not a traitor. I’m not a traitor.

“I’M NOT A TRAITOR!” It was all so fast. My free hand pushed his pistol aside and gripped his wrist. I heard him growl and crush my other arm in a burst of hot pain. I screamed and gave him the Catachan kiss, bashing my forehead against his. I tear what’s left of my arm free from his grip and stumble backward, yanking the pistol free of his grip as I fall. I reach for it but he kicks it away. I hear strange yelling sounds all around. I kicked his ankle from the inside, bringing the already exhausted and wounded hangman to one knee, but he throws his powerfist back. It’s all over now.

Suddenly a burst of blue flashes hammer the Commissar from the side. Blood pours from his wound for a second, then smoke. He stands frozen, rage and disbelief engraved on his horrifically disfigured face during his last seconds of life. He lands on top of me with a wet THUD. I scream again and try to shove his corpse off of me, but I can’t feel my ri- it got pulped, that’s right… I feel the pain seriously for the first time and open my mouth to scream. I swallow on it as the room flashes with a crackle of lightning. It’s not the same green light from earlier, though- the red dots appear everywhere around me. Disbelief grips me as hard as that powerfist had. Three huge..things with guns for arms materialize out of the darkness.


I should have joined the Navy.
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post #9 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 07:45 PM
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Coming from a former sailor i love that last line

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post #10 of 79 (permalink) Old 02-17-11, 08:03 PM
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I'm bloody loving this !!!

Moar Moar Moar !!!
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