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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-22-10, 11:11 PM Thread Starter
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Default Orkland: Da Furst Wun

ORKLAND

DA REIGN OF BOG BEGINZ

My naim iz Gibla. I'z wun of da tuffest boyz in da Waaagh! an' dere ain't many 'umies dat wanna mess wiv me. I gotz a cuppla fingz ta tell you gitz about wot da hoal Waaagh! fing was all about, an' da stuff me and da boyz smacked on da way.
Well, da story goez dat dere woz dis big warboss wot woz called Bog. Da boyz didn't fink he woz much more dan a stupid gitface. Ya wudn't, wiv a naim like dat wudja? Anywayz, Bog getz sik of dis an' he bringz 'is tribe, a bunch of gitz called da 'Umie Bashaz. Dey start scrappin' wiv uz and our boss, den Bog sez enuff is enuff and stomps in. I tellz ya, we woz imprest. Dere 'e woz, da boss of da 'Umie Bashas, wearin' a great big stompy suit of mega armour wiv ev'ryfing on it. I'z talkin' two big shootas and a big krumpy power klaw.
So dis boss kums in 'ere in a big killy, stompy suit of mega armour, and den starts krumpin' all our nobs. Wen he'z doin' dat, his dredz iz rippin inta our dredz. And deez are proppa dredz. We just hav da big kans wiv stompy bitz undaneef, shooty bitz on itz sidez an' big choppy bitz at da top. Da 'Umie Bashaz hav da saim, 'cept dey hav a big Gorkface on da front an' bigga choppy bitz and shooty bitz. An' dey hav massiv smokey bitz at da bak too.
So den Bog kumz, an' he an' 'is nobz krump all our nobz. Den dere ain't no nobz in our tribe enny more. So den Bog stompz up to our boss. An' I don't fink I have to tellz you gitz wot happinz nekst, youze olreddy kno. So Bog stompz up to our boss, an' he krumpz him. He ripz right inta our boss, an' our boss's gutz kum rite out. Den Bog pikz our boss up wiv his klaw, an' he flipz 'im upside down and mopz da grownd wiv our boss's 'ead. Den Bog jus' throwz our boss away like he woz just a little 'umie and drilz sum rownds inna him for gud mesha.
I tellz ya, we woz imprest. Da whole scrap stopped az we all jus' stare at wotz hapnin'. Den wun of our boyz jus' sez "Dat'z a lotta smakkin'." So now dat Bog'z killed our boss, we hav ta giv up. Not like we din't wanna giv up ta Bog, anyway. If he kud krump a boss like dat, wot'd he do to a whole 'umie sistum?


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This is a warhammer forum. Everything is a military operation.

I have spent the last 25 minutes doing reconnaissance on my kitchen for operation: Cup of tea.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-23-10, 02:14 AM
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Nice start here bud. Is it a story or just a piece of fluff for your orks? While I'd comment of grammar and spelling, given that it's taken from an ork point of view I'd have better luck wrestling away the key to a Sister of Battle's chastity belt than trying to get an ork to speak properly !

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate

"If you can't stun them with your tactical brilliance, baffle them with your superior grasp of BS."

"I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man."

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Well, seeing as how you capitalize your characters, use proper grammar and punctuation, I'd say you qualify.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-26-10, 03:40 AM Thread Starter
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It's a story, and yes, the spelling is deliberate. I'd had the idea for an Ork telling a story playing around in my head for a while now, and I finally decided to go through with it.
Anyway, what's chapter 2, Annoyin' Grotz going to be about? Well, it's what it sounds like. A nuisance of Gretchin arrive at the Ork kamp, and whilst originally just an annoyance and a source of free labour, they start stealing stuff and numerous references to the Grot models ensue!
I've just started on it, so it should be up in about a week at the earliest. But I might work faster than expected, so who knows?


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This is a warhammer forum. Everything is a military operation.

I have spent the last 25 minutes doing reconnaissance on my kitchen for operation: Cup of tea.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-21-11, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
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The procrastination has ended!
ANNOYIN’ GROTZ


So, da camp’z had a bit of a problim wiv da Grotz for a wiel. Dey’z bin steelin’ our choppaz an’ shootaz an’ arma eva since dey got heer. We seez dem a lot, an’ dey alwayz hav wun of our fings. I’ve seen sum of dem bein’ even stupidder dan yooshul. A bunch of dem nokked down me best ennimmy Togod, an’ by Gork an’ Mork he woz yellin’ an’ screamin’ a lot.
I saw anuvva wun doin’ its bizniss in Togod’s best ‘elmet, an’ den anuvva wun pikked it up an’ fell down. Dere woz two uvva Grotz wot woz scrappin’ over sumfin.
Wun Grot was karryin’ a sak of mushrumes. Dunno wot he wanted wiv dem.
Wun of dem woz pritty smart for a Grot. He’d taikin an old skul dat had bin left lyin’ around, an’ he woz pullin da teef out of it.
An’ den dere woz two reely stupid Grotz. Dey woz playin’ around wiv me old shoota an’ wun woz fingerin’ da trigga. Da uvva wun woz lookin’ down da shooty end. Den da uvva wun pullz on da trigga, and BAM! Da wun at da shooty end getz his ‘ead blone off. I figga dat dey wozn’t da gratest frendz evva, cuz den wun of dem startz larfin. Den he lookz at me wiv me choppa an’ he ain’t larfin’ no moar.
But da Grotz ain’t jus’ bein’ annoyin’. I seen two parez o’ Grotz followin’ da Mek around da kamp karryin’ smashaz an’ spannaz. Dey’re helpin’ ‘im wiv da Trukkz an’ Dredz. I even seen a few Killa Kanz runnin’ round sumtimez. An’ dat’z wen da Grotz get reely bad.
Larst week, a hoal lode of Grotz woz chargin’ in da Mek’z wirkhut. Next fing, dere’z tunz o’ Kanz stompin’ all over da kamp. An’ dey meen bizniss. Dey chop lotz of da Boyz an’ Nobz in ‘arf, an’ even Warboss Bog iz gunna be stuk in da Painboy’z hut for dayz. Da Waaagh! wud hav ended in a week if we didn’t hav two parez of Deff Dredz an’ anuvva wun wiv us. So da Mek, he’z lookin’ pritty bad ‘imself. He’z lost an arm an’ ‘arf ‘is face iz gorn. So ‘e cralls over to da Dredz an’ he letz ‘em out. Dey all charge out, an’ da Mek getz stomped by dem axidently. Da Dredz iz all competativ, so dey don’t liek dat dere’z a bunch o’ Kanz krumpin’ evrywun. So dey krump da Kanz in ratirn. Corce, we lost da Mek an’ five tenz o’ Boyz, but den we all krump ‘arf da remainin’ Grotz. So now we found a noo Mekboy, an’ we got a Runtherd too ta follo all da Grotz around wiv a Squig an’ a grabba stikk.
So, ‘ow did da Grotz get da idear ta try an’ taik over, ennyway? Well… Oi, git! Come back ‘ere wiv me choppa!

Soze, now dat I’ve got me choppa bak, I can tell you gitz why da Grotz prolly tried ta kill uz. Da kamp wyrdboy wuz jus’ havin’ a blast, lit’rilly. We’d kaut sum ‘oomies in da last scrap, an’ da wyrdboy, Gloz, woz blastin’ ‘em ta bitz. In fakt, he wozn’t blastin’ ‘em ta bitz. Most of da ‘oomies just went boom an’ den dere woz just a burnie mark on da ground an’ no ‘oomie bitz. So, da Waaagh! powa dat Gloz woz usin’ atrakted sum Grotz. We wuz all excited, especially Koznab. Koznab woz da ork dat all of us uvva boyz made do all da wurk ‘cuz he wuz da smallest. Now we had sum Grotz ta orda arownd, we di’n’t hafta wory about Koznab havin’ ta get a noo spine from da painboy ‘cuz his back’z broakin aggen, da big wuss. Now we kud get tonz o’ grotz ta karry da hevvy stuff, an’ if it broak wun’z bak or dey all dropped it on demselves, we kud get more ta karry it an’ eat da Grotz wot fell down. Not our folt if we di’n’t noatis dat ‘arf da Grotz woz runnin’ around all crazy-like wiv glowin’ ize an’ sumtimez blowin’ laza beemz outta dere mouvs. It wozzint vairy obveus, so wotcha gonna doo? Weze all got a gud scrap outta it too, an’ nunna da boyz iz komplanin’ bout dat. Well, aksept da wunz wot got kilt, but dey woz all stoopid ennwayze.
Soze, weez lost a lot o’ da boyz, but we stil gotz lotta big nummaz. Da hoal Waaagh’s! gunna moov onta anuvva plannit sune, so weez gunna do a lotta krumpin. Nunna da boyz kan wate. We ‘aven’t akshulli fited big numbaz of oomiez yet, soze weez ol gonna jus’ Waaagh! inta dem an’ krump ‘em all. Ize gonna kil tunnz, ‘speshully cuz I got a noo powa klaw yestaday. I tride it owt on a bunch o’ grotz ufta I got it, an’ dayze all jus’ pyelz o’ redd gelli now, hur hur hur. Den Togod kaim an’ sed “Oi! Ow’d yer get dat klaw?”
So den I said “Wotzit to ya,?”
“I wonna krump da oomiez gud too, ya kno!” he sez.
So I shutez ‘im in da arm an’ sez “Da painboy di’n’t wont anuvva wun, ya dummarse!”

NEXT TIME: Da Waaagh! descends on the Imperial world of Heracles, and krumping ensues! But will da Boyz krump da oomies, or will they get more than they bargained for? And what sorts of fights will Da 'Umie Bashaz get into as they leave for the advancement of the Waaagh!


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Originally Posted by Varakir View Post
This is a warhammer forum. Everything is a military operation.

I have spent the last 25 minutes doing reconnaissance on my kitchen for operation: Cup of tea.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-21-11, 03:43 PM
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I won't lie- it's kind of hard to read. But then again, I can only imagine how hard it was to write, and it's a whole lot more fun this way too. Well done! It makes me wish I was more into Orkz, but my wallet would never allow it.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-22-11, 07:25 AM
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You need to space your paragraphs better. Orkspeak is fun and all but it's hard enought to read it without adding an extra challenge to the mix. I'd actually go so far as to double space this.
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