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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-21-10, 08:24 PM Thread Starter
I am Alpharius.
 
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Default After life ended - Or should have...

You knew that when it happened it would be the end. All the things you wished to do and become in your life, gone, in a blink of an eye, and why? It just did not make any sense. In that decisive split second, just before it was over, you looked back at your life, and no matter what you had been promised, what you had done or how long you had lived, it just was not enough. And when you arrived, you listened, agreeing to anything it said, no matter what it was, just so that you would not pass. And so it was, that I was still here.


Chapter 1


He just sat there, in the crater where it had landed. In his hand, he held his own helmet, penetrated by fragments of the shell. He just stared at the helmet, wondering how he was still there. He was sure that he was supposed to be dead, nothing could survive that, but still he was there, sitting where the shell had impacted. Around him was only dust, sand and rocks, no trace of his squad mates. They were all gone. But still he was there, sure about that he should be dead.

Or was I dead? How was I supposed to know? I was alone in the darkness, just sitting there. What should I have done? I did not know, nor do I now. Should I just have pulled out my las-pistol, and shot my self? Probably. For what is life now? Nothing, a empty place, filled with the ghosts from the past. The shadows seem seem to be alive, but surely they cant, such a thing must surely be impossible.

But still they seemed to be, always watching him, never leaving him alone.

Now, three years after that faithful day, he sat there, in the hold of the Valkyrie. He was going back home. He hoped that he would get rid of the horrors he had faced when he saw his family again. He wished that meeting his wife again, after all these years would cheer him up, chase his haunted dreams would go away, and be replaced by happiness and hope. Hope of a better life...


The end of chapter one... Or hopefully it is....



__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________
Thanks for reading guys! I just have a question; Would this work better in first person, or the third person view? I was not sure, but first I had intended on writing the story in first person, but after suddenly finding myself in third person, I was not sure anymore... Please, post your opinion about it, as I want to know whatever it would be nicer to read it in first person, or third person... Any comments and C&C is welcome, and I cant wait to see what you think! Will write more soon, so bear with me!

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-22-10, 03:46 AM
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is this going to be a psychological thriller? Cause that would be kickass

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-22-10, 06:04 AM Thread Starter
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It is indeed, or at least I will try, as it is a departure from the thing known as "Bolter Porn"....

Ouh, and thanks for the rep!

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-22-10, 06:09 AM
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Going to clear this up, bolter porn is a term to describe stories that are all shoot'em ups with no plot.

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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-22-10, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatOtherGuy View Post
Going to clear this up, bolter porn is a term to describe stories that are all shoot'em ups with no plot.
Lol, then it is exactly what I have done this far, unbeatable Space Marines just running around, killing stuff, nothing else...

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-22-10, 02:41 PM
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