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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-14-10, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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alexos's Flag is: Armenia
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Default The Fall.

Hello, my good heretics. I want to create a novel worthy enough to be accepted by the Black library. I have some very ambitious goals, but I think that over 10 yrs it could be done!! I want to make a series of books that mark out the Tyrannic wars, mostly detailing the main events of the main hive Fleets.

I want to make an Omnibus for each, starting with Behemoth. The first book will be The fall, detailing the Fall of Tyran, while the other two will be the battle at Thandros, and the third the Battle for Maccrage.

I know it will take a LONG LONG LONG LONG time to complete this goal, but I shall perservere!!! Jeebus that was probably misspelled.

anyway, I have the first section of the first chapter up, My first goal is to get the first chapter done by the end of the first quarter of the upcoming school year (nine weeks from now) and try to have a 10,000 word 3 chapters done by the end of the upcoming school year. I think its doable.

Here is the first part of the first chapter, C&C is crucial to my project, because if no-one likes it, it won't get accepted.


The world J73-O3 was a barren, dead shell of its former self. Auspex scans had shown an endless sea of unbroken rock stretched from horizon to horizon. All other scans, from psychic gauges to thermal depth-finders, had shown the same. The world was barren, a completely useless husk that didn’t even harbor the basest minerals. That didn’t mean that the Mechanicus was taking the chance of a surprise attack. A single Adeptus Mechanicus cruiser moved forward, leveling all gun batteries at, and around, the target planet. The cruiser Righteous Destiny, being a Mechanicus ship, was one of the most heavily armed and armored ships in the Segmentum; boasting enough armor to take a volley from the forward lance-batteries of an Oberon-Class battleship, and armed with enough weaponry to take the offending ship out with relative ease.

Making sure that no psychic manifestations, thruster signatures, and heat changes to the thousandth of a degree were in the area, the Righteous proceeded with preparations to launch a wing of Marauder Destroyers. Hundreds of servitors flooded the flight decks, each one an almost grotesque mesh of mechanical limbs and human brains, and proceeded to refuel and pressurize each ship with pressure-hoses and thermal sealants. Each Marauder was heavily modified from the original versions; each one had their regular, sub-atmospheric engines replaced with system drives which resembled that of the ship’s mighty plasma stacks.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-17-10, 05:05 AM
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dragonkingofthestars's Flag is: USA
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The dragon king wants more!
this is going to be great!
hay do you have popcorn?

note: if you see me giving tactical advice: just assume i have a internet tab open to 1d4 chan and I'm summarizing off of that.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-18-10, 03:11 AM Thread Starter
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alexos's Flag is: Armenia
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I have no popcorn...

Thank you for the first reply to this..... Seems to be a small audience around here......

MOAR you want? MOAR YOU GETS!!

A full wing was 80 flyers, which was divided into Eight Squadrons of Ten armed fighters. Each squadron took a compass-point, and proceeded with an Ultra-pattern sweep of the Mechanicus drop-site. Any one plane could see at least two others, and would be able to support any other flyer in their squadron in an instant. Auspexes aboard the Destroyers came up with nothing across a thousand-meter radius of the Drop-site, but were ordered to stand vigil to ensure a safe deployment.

Five Imperial shark-class transport ships were released from the cruiser’s belly, drive-trains roaring as they descended into the planet’s atmosphere. Every ship had giant murals of the Machine-god attached to their hulls; alongside kilometer-wide void-proofed parchments covered in Binary prayers and religious paraphernalia. The Sharks contained a Demi-legion of Tech-guard, over ten thousand modified humans with weapons systems, auspexes, and a small power generator in place of minor organ systems, in all.

Last edited by alexos; 08-18-10 at 08:21 AM.
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