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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-10-08, 07:06 AM Thread Starter
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This is the first story that I'm going to put in chapters, like Dirge's stories so here is the first chapter:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
DENIAL

The young boy watched the irritable master-smith at his work, each blow of the hammer sending sparks cascading like a waterfall of light, the forge's fire reflecting on the sweat slicked arms of the smith and the hissing as the cherry red admantium heat was quenched in a barrel of oil.

Wiping his hands on his apron, Banex turned to the child, his lined and weatherbeaten face in one of his near perpetual scowls asked "I thought I told you to clear off boy!"

The child remained where he stood,head down, drawing lines in the sand on the floor mumbling a inaudible excuse. and was shocked to look up and see the burly smith crouching down at eye level, staring right at him.

"What did you say boy?"

"I want to be like you " replied the boy wringing his hands behind his back, but the smith was obviously taken aback by the child's statement and nearly fell over.

"Like me?" asked Banex "But you are the son of a wealthy aristocrat, you should be either a military officer or politician?"

"I don't want to, my father has tried to get me to learn but I cant, I hate politicians because they all lie to the people they say they look after and the only thing in the army that stirs me is the weapons you forge for them" the boy said his voice growing in volume as his anxiety wore off "And you are the only person in my father's employ that isn't a self serving dog!"

The smith's face broke into a smile as he began to laugh "Boy, for one as young as you definitely know the way of your fathers world, but because of your high birth you cant be what I am, so forget it!"

"Why?"

"Because your father might be a good landlord to me, we have a long history!"

But before the hotblooded youth could reply a blood curdling scream tore through the still, mid-summer night........

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!


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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-10-08, 10:31 AM
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Nice so far

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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-10-08, 12:18 PM Thread Starter
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Heres the next chapter...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Light and the Dark
Errand turned at the eerily familiar scream, one he had heard each time he scared his childhood friend Estelle, running outside of the forge gates he saw his father's mansion erupt in green flames, Errand dropped to his knees, staring at the blazing inferno, then he felt the heavy hand of the Banex grab the back of his shirt, lifting Errand to his feet.

"Boy, do you know how to these?" asked the smith as he pressed a las pistol and a sheathed power sword into Errand's arms. When the boy finally nodded dumbly, sharply turning back to inferno, his features strained and he was longingly looking at the flames the tall man continued "I'm going to call for reinforcements, then we can go and see if you family survived, ok?"

"...ok...."

And without a further word the smith ran back into the forge, later emerging in a gleaming suit of power armor, covered in litanies to the Emperor, and holding a humming sword, faintly glowing with a white light. And once the boy looked up and saw Banex's armor his eyes widened in shock and disbelief and he started spluttering, "y...y...you're a Space Marine?!"

Banex looked towards Errand with raised eyebrows and replied,"Not just any Space Marine, I am a Grey Knight, a holy warrior of the Emperors righteous Inquisition"

Errand was dumbstruck, quickly masking his emotions as he waited until the Space Marine had finished talking into a vox caster he had brought from the forge, then gathering up enough courage Errand asked, "Sir Banex, what will happen to me?,sir"

"Well I don't know. but stay with me and I'll endeavor to keep you safe, so have faith in the Emperor and your weapons they will see you through the dark and into his holy light" replied Bannex as he bowed to a knee and started chanting under his breath," We walk in the twilight, between the Emperor's light and the darkness of Chaos, I shall fight the darkness and protect the light,astra imperator gloriam,astra imperator gloriam, ASTRA IMPERATOR GLORIAM!"

Hours later Errand awoke to the scream of engines, the force of the sound pounded against his head in waves like a heartbeat, and the air howled around him and Bannex, small twigs and stones whipping against the heavy cloth of Errand's tunic but making pinging sounds against the armor of Bannex.
As soon as the Thunderhawk touched the ground Imperial stormtroopers rushed out and formed a wide circle around the craft, swiftly followed by a single Grey Knight who walked swiftly towards Bannex and bowed low and said
"We have arrived Brother-Captain".....

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-11-08, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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NEW BEGININGS


Errand walked through the ashes of the vast mansion house his family had lived in for generations, there were still remnants of the large mansion, charred piles of masonry, still smoking wooden joists and supports and the occasional unharmed object poking out of the ash, when Errand bent down to see what one of these soot covered objects were and he discovered his father's power halberd, a relic that had been passed from father to son down through the ages right back even to the Emperor's time.

As Errand lifted the halberd he was surprised to have it snatched out of his hands by Banex, uttering a cry, he was shocked to see Banex offering it to him saying, "This is all that remains of your house and by birthright this is your inheritance, and the responsibility that comes with wielding this weapon, because only Grey Knights have the privilage to use these, but your father earned his, will you?"

"Yes" replied Errand,taking the blade and cradling it in his arms "And I will kill whom or what ever did this!"

"Well good because they are coming now!" replied Banex as he straightened up and drew his force sword.

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-12-08, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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Come'on people please critique my story, I needs the feedback or I'll start thinking I can match Dirges stories!!! hope you enjoying it so far people...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REVENGE AND REDEMPTION

And as if the Grey Knights words had summoned them, a large group of Tzeentch Flamers materialized in front of the small group of Imperial warriors, the grotesque deamons hurling fireballs into the organized ranks of the Inquisitional Shock Troopers, immolating two before the troopers returned fire, their hell guns ripping into the daemons and one of the shock troops let out a roaring burst of promethium flames from his flamer, returning the favor done to their comrades.

But the Flamers had barely just fallen before another, larger, group of the warp entities appeared unleashing more multicoloured flame at the brave humans, but none of the flames reached the shock troops, the whole entire salvo had halted in mid-air and disappeared, but the daemons had little time to wonder at this development before the two Grey Knights tore through their ranks like silvered grey hurricanes, bits of Tzeentch daemon flew everywhere
and the Shock troops and Errand were covered in droplets of thick, orange blood, which strongly smelled of promethium.

When the last Flamer fell, the two Grey Knights walked a ways away from the rest of the group and started having a conversation, while the two space marines conversed the Shock trooper's sergeant, a gruff man named Igor, ordered his men to rest, and cleanse their weapons armor of the Flamers blood, as the men finished their rites of purification, and their weapons and armor were clean, the vox carried by the coms officer crackled and sputtered to life, "Squad Alpha Romeo Charlie, come in, locstat, over"

Picking up the handset of the vox Igor replied, "Hq, this is squad Alpha Romeo Charlie, Locstat, we have engaged and defeated two groups of enemies, we have two dead and some with minor burns,over"

"Copy that, astropaths report traitor space marines-planet side, all remaining forces ready to deploy, out"

Returning the headset back to it's holder Igor straightened and walked over to the two Grey Knights and saluted each in turn and said, "Sir, HQ has confirmed traitor space marines are on planet, and all the remaining forces left at Hq are ready to deploy, sir"

Bannex turned to the sergeant and said, "Thank you sergeant, call in a thunderhawk, we are returning to the base"

Half an hour later a Thunderhawk could be seen over the horizon, flying low towards them until it reached them and landed, it's rear hatch slamming down and the Shock Troopers walking up it, the clank of their steel capped boots was highly audible, even with the low whine of the engines, but when the Grey knights started walking up the ramp it seemed lightning was striking for each step.

But one everybody was on-board the craft started to shake as the engines worked to lift the Thunderhawks bulk off the ground, but after a while the shuddering stopped and Errand felt weightless and turning to Bannex he started to ask, "Wher-"


"In space, we are going to my ship the Angel's Fortune were you will begin your journey to revenge and redemption"..............

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!

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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-12-08, 01:04 PM
 
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wow amazing a few false spellings but otherwise a brilliant story do you mind if i copy a paste on word to show my mates?
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-12-08, 03:13 PM
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nice start, could have extended the fight a bit, its good i like it next chapter ??

bleeding from countless wounds he charged.... full speed in to the bathroom holding his breath. this could be it this will be the end of me. the young marine thought. alas brother Bag Fart had just been in here.
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-12-08, 07:26 PM
 
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I like so far how do you get the ideas? (a few typos though)
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-12-08, 08:45 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by casanova View Post
wow amazing a few false spellings but otherwise a brilliant story do you mind if i copy a paste on word to show my mates?
Yeah of course, and the spelling you are having problems with is because I'm using Australian word correction on my computer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sea dragons View Post
nice start, could have extended the fight a bit, its good i like it next chapter ??
Well fights are my only real weakness I'm not much good at them but better that I was when i started writing
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taomax1 View Post
I like so far how do you get the ideas? (a few typos though)
I HAVE LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS!!!! nah I just make up stuff on the spot and then go with the flow..

P.S and if you want to read my other stories : Glory of the Blood God, The 7 Plagues and Soaring Angels

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!


Last edited by zboy234; 03-12-08 at 08:56 PM.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-13-08, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Here is the next chapter

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BEFORE THE STORM


The thunderhawk cut through the atmosphere, like a knife through butter, which seemed too fast for Errand because seemingly moments since they lifted from the ground, Errand's intestines were trying to tie themselves into knots, but once the shuttle passed into the hangar of the vast ship, Errand's stomach settled and he was able to see the hangar, Errand saw red robed Tech-Priests scuttle towards the thunderhawk, closely followed by their servitors, trailing cables and tubes.

When the main hatch lowered with a hydraulic hiss, Errand was surprised to see his father's bodyguards Captain,Ordel, in the same silvered power armor as Bannex and his companion, when Bannex and his comrade walked down the hatch Ordel bowed down and said, "Brother-Captain Bannex, Brother-Lieutenant Septimus, the Ordo Malleus has supplied us with two companies of their elite Shock Troops and 100 of our Terminator brethren are en-route from Titan as we speak"

"Very good Sergeant, carry on" replied Bannex and with a swish of his clock he turned on his heel and walked across the hangar, trailed closely by Errand and Septimus.

After Bannex visited the bridge, he showed Errand to a cabin deep in the bowels of the ship and said "These are your quarters, go rest and and prepare your self for tomorrow, I will send Ordel to fetch you so be ready" and without a further word Bannex left Errand to his thoughts.....

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR.....*necron warrior turns around to the necron behind him* Hey Bob? what did we come for?!

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