And all is set back to zero (How "The Reavers of Chaos" should have ended) - Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums
Original Works All user written fiction from any Games Workshop setting should be posted here. Please use the drop-downs to denote which setting your story belongs.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-07-10, 09:27 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
Broguts's Avatar
Broguts's Flag is: Scotland
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Calgary, no thats not in Scotland, yes Canada, no I do not say "eh"
Posts: 293
Reputation: 1
Default And all is set back to zero (How "The Reavers of Chaos" should have ended)

this is my tribute (aka what I would have done had the thread not died) to the unfortunately dead thread here:https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...ad.php?t=59324


He stood over the bodies of his once comrades in chaos, the sorcerer cackling as the precious scroll pumped more power into him. A dying voice called out to him "Arctuierius...why? We could have shared the power *hack* and we would be unstoppable!" Arctuierius replied "Heraklaeon, ha ha ha, you foolish man, you see I never was a bumbling fool, that river incident, that was to make you think I was a buffoon! I wanted to kill you first but now that I have devastated the guard, the daemonhunters, and even your supposedly powerful men. I see that killing you last will be the most fun I will ever have!" He pauses for a moment and looks out the window. "Now my friend you will see that all can be changed in a matter of ten seconds, and watch as this world is reset to zero, as we... count...back....from.....ten"

"...Ten.."

"Ten buildings explode violently,"

"...Nine.."

"Nine dead servants of chaos, all from my wrath."

"...Eight.."

"Eight Spells I have learned"

"...Seven.."

"The number of daemons at my side."

"...Six.."

"Six minutes was the time it took to kill the guard."

"...Five.."

"Five times you all insulted me."

"...Four.."

" "mistakes" I made ha ha"

"...Three.."

"three times you tried at my death"

"...two.."

"sorcerers Talking."

"...One.."

"Is dying."

A huge explosion is heard, and then seen shattering the city. Buildings and all but engulfed in the blue flame, the few people left standing are vaporized.


"...Zero"

End


I have decided that since I enjoy writing from a madman's point of view so very much, that a proper prequel for Arctuierius will be in order soon.


I am worth $2,166,026 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?

Quote:
<DarkAngel> Broguts I will slay you.

Last edited by Broguts; 06-08-10 at 04:19 PM. Reason: oops
Broguts is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-08-10, 11:59 AM
description whore
 
deathbringer's Avatar
deathbringer's Flag is: England
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Manchester uni
Posts: 2,864
Reputation: 2
Default

Its a gripping ending that makes me want to read the actual story howevr I would personally make some of these a bit more dramatic

"...Three.." is a little bit the weak the others short and sweet, this one is too long winded and breaks the flow

I also think Arctieurius's little speech is rather poorly written, i think it should be a little more cutting more gloatingly eloquent. Little pauses and the sound of maniacal laughter, that sort of thing

Also a bigger description of the city shattering under the explosion would make it far more intense.

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
deathbringer is offline  
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-08-10, 04:17 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
Broguts's Avatar
Broguts's Flag is: Scotland
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Calgary, no thats not in Scotland, yes Canada, no I do not say "eh"
Posts: 293
Reputation: 1
Default

I have revised it!

I agree totally that three brought it down a little and I hope that I have fixed that part.


See? I do listen!

Broguts


I am worth $2,166,026 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?

Quote:
<DarkAngel> Broguts I will slay you.
Broguts is offline  
 
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-08-10, 04:22 PM
description whore
 
deathbringer's Avatar
deathbringer's Flag is: England
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Manchester uni
Posts: 2,864
Reputation: 2
Default

Indeed much better but Id go for three times you tried to take my life or 3 times you betrayed our brotherhood, sounds more grandious and generally more spiteful

Other than that me likey. I might if i get off my arse have a read of reavers of chaos itself

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
deathbringer is offline  
Reply

  Lower Navigation
Go Back   Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums > Fiction, Art and Roleplay Game Discussion > Original Works

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome