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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-17-10, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
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Default The Fall of Kabore IV (SM, CSM, Daemons, Feedback please)

Terminator armour, a marvel of defense and power. Jamie had just gone through a building wall to reach the heretics hiding inside. They might have looked like civilians, but the fact the world had emerged from a hundred year stay in the maelstrom, it had been assumed that everything on the world was hostile. Chaos symbols covered the man who lunged at Jamie with hate in his eyes. The man tried using a knife to breach the armour but with a swipe of his power axe, the man was rendered in two. Jamie hadn’t even bothered to activate the energy field for it wasn’t worth wasting the charge on these pathetic heretics.
Jamie Luicus, Captain of the Mourner’s 1st company was a living legend amongst his chapter and the solar systems under the watchful eyes of the Chapter. He had been there during the fall, he had slayed daemons and traitors by the thousands and still, a huge grin and a sense of humor were still present after nearly three decades of service. His rise had been awe worthy, joining the first company right out of scout training, slaying a greater daemon in his tenth year of service and becoming captain of the 1st during his 20th year of service. The only thing left for him to achieve was Chapter Master and it wasn’t something he had any plans of doing anytime soon. No, he belonged on the battlefield, with the sound of gun fire and artillery a daily reminder of him being alive and having survived the fall of New Kingston. He remembered the chaos daemons and the traitors, burning his world and he vowed that no heretic no matter how frail or unharmed would be safe from his wrath.
With his storm bolter, he dispatched the lady that was hissing at him and the child. Few would have shot a child but Jamie saw the sigils of chaos upon it’s skin. If it had been lucky, the soul would not have been corrupted yet and the Emperor would catch it’s errant soul before the gods of chaos took it, but it mattered not to Jamie. He was already moving again, running through another wall, this time, resistance. Soldiers, a bit more dangerous. They turned their lasguns towards him and shot, but the lasers didn’t even slow him down. With the momentum the suit had, he crashed into the group, one was trampled, his skull bursting when Jamie stepped on it accidentally, the others tried stabbing at him with their bayonets. The blades were unable to pierce the armour and with his bolter, he made a sweeping arc that bludgeoned the other soldiers to their death. Blood sprayed on his helmet. This annoyed him
“Squad, report” he asked while looking at the bodies, making sure none were alive.
“Krin here, just “entered” the 7th house, a few soldiers, dispatched. Over”
“Mattius reporting in, bogged down by khorne berserkers, Caleb had to converge to my position, only at the 3rd house”
“Ok, well, we’ll meet at the 20th house, my scanners indicate that it’s the final house before we reach the traitor lines”
“You would be correct captain” answered Mattius, “I bet they’ll never see us coming”
“It’s hard to not see a terminator coming, being surprised by one will probably ruin their day” replied Jamie with a grin.
The choice had been simple. Either cross 500 meters in a wide open plaza to reach the traitor lines or go through 20 hab blocks and surprise them. The plan had been unorthodox but then again, the Mourners were unorthodox to begin with. Four members of the squad had started plowing through the blocks at different start points to try and catch the most traitors by surprise. They had been followed by a company of New Kingston Volunteers and the guardsmen had secured the advance of the marines. At a lightning pace, it was only the fact the guardsmen were elite that they had been able to keep up. They kept at 20 meters behind the marines so they wouldn’t be as exposed to the incoming fire. Two of the advances had merged because of the presence of traitor astartes but that hadn’t slowed the overall progress.
Fifteen minutes into the start of the push, they had reached the twentieth block.
“This is ridiculous, why is it that whenever we attempt to get relics, the black legion is always there to oppose us?” asked Yarami, the company marksman.
“Because they always want the same shit” answered Caleb, who was unhurriedly reloading his storm cannon.
“Agreed” Answered Jamie who had activated his axe’s power field to clean off the blood. The stink of ozone was strong from the potent weapon as it powered up. “Now let’s go murder some traitors. Once again, he closed it as to preserve the charge.

On the Hive world of Kabore IV
Former Heretic Gaspacian Dereb was being released from jail. He’d renounced his faith in the Emperor many years ago and had been arrested for failure to show up for service for more than three months in a row. He had argued his case in civil court and had been sentenced to five years of re-indoctrination. During this time, he had realized the folly of his renouncing of his faith. He had realized that the Emperor would accept him back into the fold of his flock and would forgive him his sins.
He advanced through the triage station, it looked exactly the same that it had five years ago. He walked up to the jailor, a certain Mr. North as he was known. He was sitting behind a great desk that was slightly higher than Gaspacian was tall, it covered everything so all one could see was the jailor’s face. As he approached, the guard looked up from his crossword and looked at Gaspacian
“Finally the big day eh Gaspacian? How are you feeling?”
“I’m looking forward to starting my life anew sir, it’s going to be good to see my family again”
“Ah, that it will, scared at all of re-integration?”
“I don’t think so, the councillor told me I would be able to find aid if I ever needed it at a temple or a church, I was also told that confessing my sins to the preachers would help my soul a great lot”
“Don’t bother going” answered the guard with a malevolent grim. “It’s not like the preacher will care about what you have to say”
“But I think going will help me spiritually a great deal because ... wait, what was that”
“The preacher won’t care Gaspacian, because there are none left on this world, it has been abandoned by the corpse-god you know”. The blood in Gaspacian’s blood turned to rivers of ice.
“How could you be telling me these things? Are you not loyal to the Emperor?” Mr. North got up from his desk. It’s only then that he noticed that this man was significantly taller than the desk, and he flashed a smile that showed all of his razor sharp teeth.
“I tell you these things Gaspacian for you are a favoured of the Chaos Gods. You are the last of a lineage chosen to allow the warp to overflow on this planet. You should consider yourself lucky for the attention you have received from the Gods, few individuals get so lucky”. Gaspacian was stuck in place, unable to move, he had noticed that the face he had been looking at was in fact a mask of skin stretched over the face of the man that had masqueraded as Mr. North.
“Who are you” asked the stunned man.
“I am the herald of the Gods, a servant assigned with the holy task of murdering you, desecrating you and drinking your blood, transforming my body into an entry way for the daemons of the warp to enter this world. I look forward to it” said the man.
Less than an hour later, a foul ritual was performed a scant few meters from what would have been a new life for Gaspacian. His lifeless eyes were still open, while his head was barely attached to the remainder of his corpse. Had he known the horrors that were about to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting world, he would have thanked the God-Emperor again and again for his salvation. Hell was coming to Kabore and little would be able to stop it.

Jamie crashed through the wall and was amongst a squad of plague marines. Even through his armour vents, the reek of their corruption still assailed him. The traitors were ponderous for the corruption affected their bodies, but on the other hand, they could absorb a lot of punishement. Without breaking stride, he opened up with his storm bolter. The first plague marine was annihilated by a series of shots that removed his head from his body. The plague sergeant started yelling in a disgusting voice that sounded as wet as it did corrupted , and his squad started repositioning to face the threat that had emerged from behind them. Jamie kept pumping shot after shot into the heretical squad but some of them were absorbed into the corrupted areas of the bodies, not even making the marines flinch. One of them lost an arm but to Jamie’s mute surprise, it began regrowing almost immediately. Now, few things are more deadly than a terminator running at full speed to engage in the galaxy, and while barely fifteen meters away from them, Jamie holstered his bolter, drew and activated his power axe, turned on his chainfist and he was amongst them. He grabbed the head the head of one with his powerfist and it was instantly vaporized, he swung his axe and it buried itself in the body of another. He used the body of the one who`s head he was still holding and swung the corpse, making it slam into one of its brothers. The marine fell and Jamie stomped on his head, not even pausing as he ran for the sergeant. The man unsheated a foul warp blade, dipped in the foulest of poisons and charged at Jamie. The two blades met and under normal circumstance, the man would have been knocked backwards, for as mighty as Astarte armour might be, it was no match for terminators, yet, because of the amount of corruption and bloated body mass, the man was able to stand his ground. Jamie slashed at the man’s chest and the blade slid through the skin, meeting almost no resistance as the disease riddle skin gave way. Upon his blade exiting the wound, a mass of intestines slopped out along with a torrent of green bile, puss and maggots.
“Emperor, I hate fighting these things” muttered Jamie as he gagged because of the foulness of the stench emanating from the wound. The sergeant was barely affected by this wound, he came at Jamie with the same speed as it had before, if not more because it was slightly less burdened. Their blades met a few times until the traitor slipped on his intestines and fell. Not wasting any time on the advantage, Jamie started pounding at the sergeant with his fist. In a few short punches, the body was caved in, the armour not stopping the chain fist at all. Secondly, the sergeant’s head was beaten until nothing but a puddle of brain matter, shards of bones and blood remained. Suddenly, Jamie felt a blade try to puncture his armour from the back. Somehow, one of the traitors had survived the initial assault and had attempted to catch him by surprise. The armour had held fast and before Jamie had time to react, the traitor was enveloped in a searing inferno. Apolyon had arrived behind his captain and had immolated the traitor with a flicker of his power.
“At least the burning cleanse removes a bit of the stench” he said in a sombre voice.
“That it does” answered Jamie, rising up form where he was. “What’s the status on the invasion?”
“We’ve secured the shrine, the guardsmen have started digging in and the 4th have made planetfall. Adrienus just gave the signal for the first to withdraw. Apparently, we have a new mission that will take us away from this...” he said while incinerating with a look the other corpses “lovely affair”
“Sounds good, gather the squad, We’re off this planet in twenty hours.”

Well, this is it, my work up till now, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Sorry it's long, I'm going to attempt to split it up more evenly from now on.

Yarami Bellecus: Marksman
Apolyon Valar: Psyker
Caleb Valar: Heavy Weapons specialist
Mattius Laertes: Techmarine
Krin Matriel: Apothecary
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-18-10, 07:20 PM
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I am going to try and read that but here's a little pointer. It isn't the length, it's that each section is a solid block of text that hurts the eyes to read on a screen. Space out the paragraphs and people will find it so much easier to read.

Edit: It defineitely needs a spell check. It is fairly simplistic but the simple brutality is kind of nice.

Last edited by Nikolai; 03-18-10 at 07:32 PM. Reason: To save space.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-19-10, 08:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Nikolai View Post
I am going to try and read that but here's a little pointer. It isn't the length, it's that each section is a solid block of text that hurts the eyes to read on a screen. Space out the paragraphs and people will find it so much easier to read.

Edit: It defineitely needs a spell check. It is fairly simplistic but the simple brutality is kind of nice.
I agree... It's a simple mistake mate...
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-19-10, 02:40 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry, english isn't my first language, I'm not that great at it.
French though ... now THAT is another story
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