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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-08-10, 03:01 PM
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Rep is given by clicking on the small button on the top right of the post (says "+rep" on it)
And your definately getting some from me!, a very good read.

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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-08-10, 07:29 PM
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Sorry for not noticing this sooner! wow, great job mate! I can tell you've done a lot of thinking in your head about this. Don't give up! i want to be there when this story reaches its completion. I will be following it every step of the way.

keep up the fantastic work,

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The Founding Fields

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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-08-10, 07:41 PM Thread Starter
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wow thanks commissar, everyone seems to be replying all of a sudden it's scary!
And thanks jakkie!

I'm certainly not giving up now. I think this chapter might be a bit strange, like the beggining of a new story :D But really I'm just trying to bring a new factor into the story to liven up the chaos warlords crusade ;) Also i thought i needed something too stall the chaos lord a little as he seemed to be getting a little to far away from the space marines grip. Well, please point out typos etc! Here it goes:

Chapter 3

It was night, the sun had long descended under the horizon. The ceremonies had ended and the people were praying. They were praying to the sun god, praying so that he might return the next day. Camels and Mules rode into town, their riders wrapped in turbans and thin garments called Tuas. The Tuas were thin robes that draped around the body, usually white. White was regarded as a magical colour on the desert world. It reflected the light and kept the wearer cooler than one wearing the evil black. One rider wasn't going home however, he was going to war. He was covered in shining white armour, thin metal armour. Armour made from metal found beneath the great mountain. The magical metal mountain. The metal shimmered in the light and was so perfect, one could not believe there wasn't a god. It had shaped itself in many wars since it had been first been donned by a king. It changed after each battle. And it always emerged perfect and scratch less. Like it repaired itself. The one who wore it, was considered a god himself, and it had been passed down through millennia so it might one day serve the ruler of this world. Nihan believed he was that man. Once dressed in the armour, one could never remove himself. Holes were cut inside it and the wearer stepped inside. The armour would seal itself around the wearer, it became one with the wearer. Nihan silently walked through the desert, towards the great mountain. The armour walked him towards the mountain. It was a thin metal construct, with a grinning skull to top, the skull only had a chin. No lower jaw, it's mouth was a line. It was intelligent, it's chest and mind glowed green as it slowly walked towards the mountain. There was nothing of Nihan left, not even his conscience. That had died when he had. The armour was alive, in fact, it wasn't even armour. It was... something else. It was cunning, it had pretended that those who had been sealed inside were alive. It acted like them. So it could save itself for this time. It had pretended to have been crafted, when it had actually awoken. It carried a staff, which crackled with green energy. In it's other skeletal hand it carried a dark green pulsing orb. It arrived at the foot of the mountain, and looked up. Above it was the peak, covered in sand. The last and final rays of the sun streaked over the pointed mounted top, Nihan, or rather the walking metal construct planned for that sun to never rise again. It would be consumed. The creature wiped away the sand in a small crevasse. A small sphere shaped crevasse. The creature bent hunched over the small indent in the perfect mountainside. Too perfect, it scanned it's glowing green eyes over it's perfect impossible angles. All buried in sand. The magical metal mountain. If it could, the creature would have laughed at the living ones. Instead, showing no emotion, for it had none. It gently and precisely lay the dark green sphere into the crevasse. It slotted in without a sound, there wasn't even a single particle size hole around it. It was sealed. Perfectly. The creature cast it's mind back to when it had been alive too.

Kesh'nferdoro walked down the long and complex hallway. The hallway was white and sterile. There was no sound anywhere, except for the gentle and persistent hum of machinery. He entered the lift, a green spiral of light, and in a flash he was on the next floor. He walked down the hallway again, this time the hallway had doors, otherwise it looked exactly the same as the previous section of the gargantuan research facility. He looked over at one of the doors, seeing his reflection in the blacked out window. His flesh was pale, his skin wrinkled and his hair going grey. He was aged two hundred and seventy four. Technology could do little to keep him alive any longer. His dull blue eyes looked sad and desperate as he gazed at himself in the glass. He just wanted to live, forever. He had been working on the case of immortality here for his whole life. As had many before him, and he was no further than they, it was impossible. But today, he had a lead.
He entered his main research room, which had hastily converted into a highly advanced prison, even for the necrontyr it was a technological marvel. It featured several dark proton, mind control restraints. These were what was keeping their guest prisoner. They had found it consuming a star, right in the middle, it hovered. Draining the suns life force in a way the necrontyr had never seen before. Now it was captured, along with overs in the leading resource and research facility the necrontyr had. They called themselves the C'tan Gods.


Meanwhile, Lord Brauntus was heading off on his crusade. The final star system. A small ignorant civilization lived there. Long since abandoned in the dark ages. Now Brauntus came to reclaim those peoples souls for the blood god Khorne.

"To the darkness I bring fire, to the ignorant I bring faith. Those who welcome these gifts may live, but I shall vist naught but death and eternal damnation on those who refuse them"

Last edited by toffster; 01-08-10 at 07:48 PM.
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-09-10, 11:49 AM
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Well done Son!!!
The story is great and i am well proud f you!!
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-10-10, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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Heres Chapter four, hope you like it!

Chapter 4

Gorgan yelled in horror as the vile maggot things headed towards him. The air sizzled and the smell of burning meat rose into the air as the PDF troopers opened fire on the encroaching horde. Hundreds of the things died in the first volley, but there were more. Many, many more. The troopers started to reload as Gorgan drew a knife, the horde was metres from Gorgan now. Gorgan grimaced as las fire prickled the air in front of him. The second barrage cleared hundreds more, however it seemed as if the numbers of the tainted worms were increasing. They swarmed over the final metres to Gorgan, his blade glinted in light of the sun. PDF troopers and worm alike staggered as beams of blinding light skimmed across the building tops. Suddenly blinded the worms and PDF troopers clutched eyes and slithered in circles. It was sunset. The violent light from the world's sun seemed so much brighter, just for an instant. But that was all that Gorgan needed. Being a native he knew the customs of the sun. It would flare momentarily just as it descended under the horizon, the old ones believed it was their god exacting revenge for past crimes. The race had evolved and now, the light was completely harmless. He surged forward in a whirlwind of death, spinning and delivering knife blows to the worms as they reeled. When the PDF troopers finally regained their sight, all they saw were the littered bodies of worms. Up ahead Gorgan had continued, thirty minutes ago he had killed the last worm, now the moon ruled the sky. What he hadn't noticed was the now silver ichor spilling from the dead bodies. The PDF troopers bent down and examined the bizarre sight. In the shadows, in deep pools of the silver ichor two purple eyes blinked.

Jonas' helmet systems instantly adjusted to the blinding flash of light. But the shock still made him reel. Beside him Nikon cursed as the light hit his exposed eyes. He fell into a crouched position and growled, listening intently he scanned around him. Once he could sense no threat he slumped.
“I'm blind” Nikon gasped. “What happened Brother?”
“Seems like some kind of solar pattern.” Jonas frowned. “Are you capable of fighting sergeant?”
“My duty is not yet done.” Nikon stated with a steely resolve.
Nikon took to his feet and using hearing alone followed Jonas. They slowly rounded the corner, hugging close to the wall. Directly in front of him Jonas could see the massive gate. On either side stood two massive constructs, they belched dirty red smoke from the two exhaust pipes on their backs. Their claws clicked together impatiently and the sensors on their front surveyed the ground in the immediate vicinity of the gate. Totems hung from the plated bodywork and their six jointed legs. The armour was painted in many different colours, each heralding a chaos legion. Jonas spat on the ground at the sight of the foul things.
“What is it?” Nikon whispered.
“Nothing, wait here. I need to open that gate.” Jonas searched for grips on the wall.
“What gate?” Nikon said, a look of puzzlement on his face.
Jonas saw a servitor hatch in the wall. Just slightly ahead of him. It was wide open, Jonas didn't stop to think why it was open. He just stepped straight through. Into a large tunnel, it was runed in blood and it hurt Jonas' eyes wherever he looked. He closed his eyes, but somehow he could still see them, imprinted upon his vision. As clear as day. Jonas moaned, and in return he heard a moan back. It seemed to come from the very walls around him. He stopped. Frozen. His eyes scanned down the tunnel, searching for something, anything.

Timan gazed down at the silver ichor spilling from the worms and the great beasts. In the moonlight it had gone silver. Since they had last saw a lot more of the worms had died. Gorgan was nowhere to be seen. Timan heard a slurping noise from the side gutters, he looked into the shadows. Trying to make out what had made the noise. He searched for several seconds before dismissing the sound as nothing. He continued to study the pools.
“What the hell is it?!” a soldier said in bewilderment.
Timan gasped as he saw ripples moving through the ichor. Some other soldiers saw it too and all fifty eyes turned in the direction they were coming from. In the shadows something flickered. Guns raised, they slowly edged away, down the street. Stepping through the bodies. The shadows flickered again and a hissing noise escaped a duct under their feet. They heard splashes as whatever it was sprinted full pelt down the sewers. Timan shivered.
“Maybe we s-should go” A soldier whimpered.
Muttered approval passed between the men. Timan began to lead the way, the only direction in which the space marines could have taken. For laid out before them were three tracks. Two sets were heavy thick boots. But the other, was a path of slime.

Nikon stood by the wall, listening intently. He had no sight, it was just complete blackness. He knelt down and arched his head. He sniffed the air. Sensing nothing he began to chant. A vow from his initiation.

Jonas stood stock still, he could not move. Thousands of whispered voices spoke in his head. The voices of the dead and the insane, the trapped and the desperate all echoed throughout his head like some insane circus. He stood and shivered, his will beginning to falter. He grunted and took a step, the voices intensified. He kept up the laborious pace. But he seemed to be getting no closer to the exit. He moaned, and the walls moaned back. The sigils burned into his eyes. The tunnel seemed to violate all his senses, and some he didn't know he had. As he stood, about to finally falter. He heard the voice of an angel. A deep gruff voice at best, but an angels nonetheless.
“What is your life?” The voice echoed down the tunnel.
“My, honour is my life” gasped Jonas, panting with exertion.
“What is your fear?” the voice seemed to overwhelm all the others.
“My fear is too fail” Jonas grunted.
“What is your reward?” The voice penetrated deep into Jonas' mind.
“My salvation is my reward!” Jonas struggled.
The tunnel seemed to be getting shorter. The exit reaching for Jonas, the sigils dimmed.
“What is your craft?”
“My craft is death” Jonas shouted.
“What is your pledge?”
“My pledge is eternal service!” Jonas bellowed.
“What is your fate?” The voice seemed weaker now as Jonas exited the tunnel.

“Meus officuim est meus fortuna!” Nikon whispered in high Gothic. “My duty is my fate!”

Now you all know what the title means

"To the darkness I bring fire, to the ignorant I bring faith. Those who welcome these gifts may live, but I shall vist naught but death and eternal damnation on those who refuse them"
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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-11-10, 08:18 PM
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I'm really enjoying reading this. Chapter three is awesome, and the ending of chapter four is amazingly powerful! Well done! please keep it up. However, don't rush yourself, take your time, and write what feels right. you'll do great!

CP

The Founding Fields

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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-11-10, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
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here it is, it might be a bit iffy in bits, but bear with me i was listening to Mc Hammer while typing so alls well!

Chapter 5

Nikon stood against the wall. His spirits felt much higher now and he felt the confidence he needed. He stood up straight and sniffed again. A horrific smell wafted up his nose and his nose hairs literally recoiled before it. He listened intently, directly in front of him was a squelching noise. It slivered as it got closer to him. He drew his power sword, it's noise adding to the humming of machinery around him. Wait... machinery. He thought. Startled he realised he was surrounded with the sounds of war machines. Cannons boomed, people screamed. And he regained his sight. In front of him was a living nightmare, something he had never hoped to witness again. A defeat that had cost the lives of millions. He gazed at the scores of PDF troopers and imperial guard fighting the oncoming rush of tyranids. Hundreds of men were dying right before his eyes, again. He gazed down from the thunderhawk that flew away, to the safety those men needed. Nikon felt ashamed and guilty that he was not their to protect these men. The sight hurt him, but he was a Black Templar, and no imperial death was unanswered for. He felt an anger rising in the pits of his stomach. And he bellowed with rage, red clouding his vision as he fell into a state of pure rage. His world suddenly went black again. Directly in front of him he heard one sound and smelt one smell, death. The sounds seemed to meld together to form pure death. Nikon did not stop shudder, nor to show any fear. For he had no fear. He was a Templar, and the xenos would fall before him. He growled with a bestial rage and lashed out in the direction of the sound. There was a hissing noise as his sword whistled through whatever nightmarish vision was in front of him. He grinned at the sound of the beast moaning. He lashed out repeatedly until whatever it was should be well and truly dead. He slumped and sighed. He was instantly alert again as the slurping sound came again. What is it! Nikon thought desperately as he hacked away, slowly sliding towards the gate.

Gorgan rounded the corner at an incredible speed. The sight that greeted him was one he hoped he would never have to recall. A oozing mass of toxic waste and blood lurked in front of the massive star port's walls. And below it was a space marine. He stood steadfast against the beast, slicing at it with his power weapon. Completely unfazed. The creature stopped it's advance for a moment and the space marine relaxed. The creatures size swelled, and it restarted it's attack. It was now at least seven foot tall. Just about the same as the terminator. It began to hack at the beast with it's sword again, a look of doubt crossed it's face, and it began to edge along the wall in completely the wrong direction. Straight towards the gate and the towering constructs that guarded it.
“No!” Gorgan yelled desperately.

Nikon froze, the beast was still advancing. But he had heard a desperate voice calling to him. Before him he saw a massive mass of bloody green leaking with toxic fluids. Another vision he thought, he didn't remember this one. He stood stock still as he realised this was no memory. He frantically began to slice at the massive daemon again and edged once more towards the gate. He heard the constructs and prayed they didn't notice him. The creature was now inches away from him. He felt a slight parting behind his back and sighed as he disappeared into the wall.

Gorgan stood bewildered as he saw the space marine suddenly disappear into the wall. He stood rooted to the spot. He gulped as the creature turned towards him, hundreds of green eyes blinked at him then it was gone. He stood, even more surprised for a few seconds. His left eye twitched, then his right arm. He gazed down at his arm and his left leg twitched also. He shivered and collapsed to the ground, he was shaking all over now as his comrades rounded the corner. They rushed over concerned. A piercing wail of agony penetrated the air as his back arched. A soldier tapped his shoulder, his head turned full 360 degrees and the soldier recoiled as green eyes blinked back at him.

Nikon fell back into the tunnel just as the wall sealed in front of him, there was no sign of a door of sorts. He turned to see exactly what Jonas had seen earlier. But this time, the corridor was littered with bodies, as they stood their eyes glowed bright green and they all blinked simultaneously. Nikon rubbed his gauntlets together, winked and spoke.
“Want to play then boys?” he grinned manically.
The corpses began to take steps towards the sergeant absolutely and completely in synch. A voice echoed down the tunnel, it made Nikon's skin crawl but he merrily grinned at it's message.
Welcome Nikon, welcome to your death.
“Ah, well, that's debatable.” Nikon drew his power sword.

"To the darkness I bring fire, to the ignorant I bring faith. Those who welcome these gifts may live, but I shall vist naught but death and eternal damnation on those who refuse them"
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-11-10, 08:40 PM
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This story is very good Son....very very good!!....as said before i am well proud of you!!

Oh.....

ps......never....NEVER admit to listening to MC Hammer....street cred well and truly out of the window!!!
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-11-10, 09:18 PM
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dude, I listen to MC Hammer, whats that about street cred?

oh, and btw, its Hammer Time!

CP

The Founding Fields

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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-12-10, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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hey hey listen up dad!

And, yes it IS Hammer Time!

"To the darkness I bring fire, to the ignorant I bring faith. Those who welcome these gifts may live, but I shall vist naught but death and eternal damnation on those who refuse them"
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