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post #91 of 95 (permalink) Old 11-12-10, 07:27 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry about the delay had a tough week in RL.

My boss died in the pub so sorry if it's a little raw but ive been desperate to post this for a while.
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post #92 of 95 (permalink) Old 11-14-10, 07:53 PM
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Itís over. Thank fuck for that.

Nah, in all honesty, Iím slightly disheartened that it is over. This was one of the more critically acclaimed stories on Heresy, to me. I thoroughly enjoyed everything which you had to offer, and the Rainbow Warriors grew from a mere jumble of names into a well-developed Chapter. I love how you have left it open for a number of possibilities, however, and the nod towards the old fluff with Sister Sin and Brother Vermillion is really cool!

Iím not sure if I would rather more on the Rainbow Warriors, or the Cleavers, though. Both are equally as interesting but the ferocity of the Cleavers probably boosts them higher in my book. Astoroth interests me. It seems to me like you are setting him up as the bad guy for another, and he does seem like that kind, despite there being very little on him. Was the introduction of so many characters, at the end, intentional?

Only bit of grammatical errors which I found was;

The procession was beginning to slow to a halt as it came towards a near by Landing Pad, the assembled marines and PDF troopers spreading into a semi circle around the eye shaped dock. Sat upon it, squat yet sleek, was the High Inquisitorís shuttle. There was an escaping of air and the ramp pistons released, descending slow to create a wide boarding ramp.

It should be slowly, not slow.

Oh, and sorry to hear about the death of the boss, mate. Keep your chin up now, and get writing.

Nyctophobia- Fear of the Dark Angel.

"No one ever spoke about of those two absent brothers. Their separate tragedies had seemed like aberrations. Had they, in fact, been warnings that no one had heeded?"

'Killing a man is like fucking, boy, only instead of giving life you take it. You experience the ecstasy of penetration as your warhead enters the enemy's belly and the shaft follows. You see the whites of his eyes roll inside the sockets of his helmet. You feel his knees give way beneath him and the weight of his faltering flesh draw down the point of your spear. Are you picturing this?'
'Yes, lord.'
'Is your dick hard yet?'
'No, lord.'
''What? You've got your spear in a man's guts and your dog isn't stiff? What are you, a woman?'
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post #93 of 95 (permalink) Old 11-15-10, 10:13 PM Thread Starter
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I have been amongst my brothers for nigh on four decades. The grief I felt at not being able to join them assuaged only by Tezuma’s offer. I was to join them onboard the skybridge, the pride I felt was eclipsed only by that I felt for my brother, my true brother namacuix upon his ascendancy to full brotherhood.

That was a long time ago now, though I still swell up with pride everytime I think of it.

Being amongst these living heroes, to converse with them, to watch them as they practice, be it with war blade or sculptors blade, is to see as close to perfection as is humanly possible. To see a glimpse of the Emperor, to see his flesh made whole once more.

Like everything in life though, I have to realise that nothing can be totally perfect not even these magnificent warriors.

There is a darkness in them and it is insidious. Ask them and in their most frankest of moments they will tell you of the tide and they well speak of the reds, but this is only the visible face of the problem.

There are other deeper problems that they do not see.

I cannot discuss this with my brother for he will not understand. It takes a human mind to see such flaws, these astartes in all their superiority are incapable of it.

This darkness consumes them and affects them each individually. My brother sees only the madness of Bifrost, yet I see the madness of them all.

Autemoc with his insecurities, his inherent need for external support. Ocelotl with his paranoia or Tonuauc and his need for idols to worship.

Even Namacuix is not exempt, for even he has his own madness, which is his crippling self doubt.

At first I assumed these were mere 'human' flaws but the actions they force in each astartes can be irrational to the extreme.

I pray now to Emperor that this curse is controllable for if it is not then truly this chapter will continue its descent into oblivion.

I know not who will read this or even why I right these words but it seems rhat if you are reading this then by now you know the truth.

The 'Red Tide' which renders the strongest of brothers into animals is only the most extreme onset of the curse but the root of the problem runs deeper.

I pray that our faith in the Emperor will protect us and that Bifrost does not lead us onto an inescapable path of bloodshed, as is his wont.

Emperor have mercy on us, let us allow you to show you our true devotion and loyalty, do not let us fall.

Namacuix crumpled the paper up in his hands, holding it to his forehead as though pressing the words to his head would bring his brother back. Finally after several minutes of deep silence he reached forward to touch the sleek capsule before him.

'I would have understood Ictlan, you could have told me anything. It seems your fears about us were true all along, we are cursed. Rest now my brother, may Tlacelel accept your totem to his halls.' he whispered running his hand across the runes that Spelled out Ictlan's funeral pod.

Silently and alone, the astartes Lord wept.


The group had gathered once more in celebration, their cowls drawn tight around their masks but everywhere he looked, he saw smiles upon the bare jaws of those around him.

'My brothers!' he called out finally drawing them closer to him.

They moved into a semi circle around the speaker.

'I have gained his trust and it will soon be time.' he smiled and they called out their approval.

'The order of the fiery cross has fallen, now only our own sect remains. Heimdallr in his foolishness has been exposed as a traitor and is now the thrall of Namacuix.'

He stepped into the light and dropped his hood before removing his mask.

'The time for secrets are over, now we move as one. I ask that you purge our ranks of what remains of the Heimdallr’s order for they know too much.'

They mumbled their assent.

'We will move against the pretender soon and then we will be free to worship the Emperor in his dark guise.'

They applauded at this, and he smiled for he could hear the revered whispering of the word Malatl. His Lord would be pleased to hear his name spoken so.

'First though we must swear in our newest members. He smiled as two figures stepped forward, one in the bulky suit of terminator armour and the other with a fleet captains medal upon his mark IV pauldron.


Brothgaar kneeled before the Lord Inquisitor and presented his report, despite himself he found he was giving a favourable account of the Rainbow Warriors. Lotan simply stood and listened, the predatory sneer he always carried was never far from his sharp features. As usual he was sipping a glass of ooska, acting for all the world as though Brothgaar was an acadamicum chum regaling him with a long and ardous tale of banality instead of an Astartes reporting of matters of great import. How the High Claw hated the fool.

It angered him greatly that someone as superior as himself would have to pander to such a pathetic creature.

When he had concluded his report, Lotan bid him to rise to his feet.

'You have done well, ekriel , the man made the honorific sound like an insult. 'Though your tale was embellished I concur with your findings, the Rainbow Warriors will make an excellent asset.' brothgaar merely nodded before saluting.

'I am excused?' Lotan sat down beside his desk and swung his feet up to rest upon the various scattered reports. 'You are.' he replied finally.

Brothgaar did not move however, for he knew the Inquisitor to well.

'The lord governor has disappointed me. Punish him for me.'

Shock played across the High Claw’s face but he said nothing, he did not agree that the Governor had to die.

'Orinir will be joining you, see that he suffers the same fate as our erstwhile governor.'

Brothgaar smiled despite himself, it seemed he'd at least get some pleasure out of killing that one.

Lotan slid a dataslate across the desk towards him. 'details of my next crusade.'

Brothgaar eyed them wearily wondering what hell he was going to throw them into next.

'There's an added pict file for your eyes only. It shows what happened to your missing brethren. 'Brothgaar lifted it and raised an eyebrow in Lotan's direction.

'I trust you will find it very enlighting. Now leave me, the stink of death from you offends my nose.'

Brothgaar didn't look back.

[I] one day it will be you I have to punish Lotan and I will enjoy that very much. [\I]


Namacuix had watched all of his men leave for orbit, knowing he himself would be the last to leave. He looked up his sharp eyes picking out which of the bright stars in the night sky would be the skybridge, he found it easily and saluted towards his home and the smaller kin of the [puma's claw] beside it. Predators among a sea of fish, they waited for him, though soon they would depart. He had something to clear up first.

He hefted the massive medicae pack onto his back and continued forward towards the remaining pre fab huts that were barracks to the cleavers. He did not have to travel far to find Brothgaar, the High Claw was in deep discussion with his Talon. Strangely namacuix could taste the coppery tang of blood in the air, he ignored it and continued on as the brooding leader bid him welcome, allowing the Talon to depart.

'I understand my brother, that you have done unfinished business, some burden you must share with me?'

Namacuix nodded sadly, he was not sure how what he had to say would be received. He placed the pack he carried upon the floor and undid the clasps. The lid sprung open to reveal the icey mist of cold storage cryogenic tubes.

‘A new Commander must always atone for the sins of his predecessor. I return your fallen brothers,' He offered the knife he carried pommel first to Brothgaar, the Cleaver gripped his arm stopping him, he pulled the other marine away to get a closer look at the contents of the case.

'So it is true?’ he turned back to Namacux, ‘I know what you did.'

The look of fury upon The High Claw’s face caused Namacuix to try to back away, to gain space. Finally Brothgaar released his arm and turned away.

'we will not seek revenge for the things that have transpired for you are part of our punishment and that we cannot escape.'

‘Punishment?’ Brothgaar ignored the question.

‘I wish to offer you advice Rainbow Warrior.’ Without waiting to see if Namacuix was listening he continued, ‘The Astartes are becoming obsolete, the Inquisition are the Imperium’s tool of choice in these times. We are a hammer blow that will often kill the body as well as the disease whereas they are a scalpel who will only remove the infected organ. Soon we will be unable to function without the deepest scrutiny, we will be hunted like vermin.’

He closed the case and lifted it.

‘Your Chapter has a flaw and what Lotan sees as a flaw, he also sees as a chance for exploitation. Let your only sin be thoughts of independence.’

‘Those thoughts were not mine, they were Bifrosts’

‘Nevertheless you must not compound them further by acting upon them. The Imperium may not think they need us but they do. We need them also for without duty we are nothing.’

Brothgaar turned back to him, ‘Follow Lotan but do not let him change you.’

Namacuix nodded, though he was unsure of what the High claw meant.

‘It seems he already has a task for us.’ He threw the dataslate Lotan had given him to the Rainbow Warrior. ‘We are to join a crusade to purge the Ork from Feratis, we will journey there to join our brothers the Space Sharks, for they have peaked our Lord’s interest.

Last edited by the_unchanged; 11-15-10 at 10:35 PM.
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post #94 of 95 (permalink) Old 11-15-10, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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This is the END!

Thank you to everyone who read this, especially-


Thank you guys.

Im off to lie down

any comments would be much appreciated!
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post #95 of 95 (permalink) Old 12-21-10, 02:45 PM
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I'm sad to see this excellent story finished but on the other hand I'm gald it is because your able to move on to your next endevour. Which I hope includes more of this...interesting Chapter

No Pity! No Remorse! No Fear!
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