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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-12-09, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
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Well here is a piece of sisters fluff I have just begun working on.
I'm looking to get back into writing regularly and definitely looking to improve so comments are really appreciated and criticism more so.

I hope you enjoy it
Also may I just add deliberately 1000 posts on heresy
__________________________________________________ _______________
Introduction (Part1) : Untouchable

Her father always used to tell her… fuck it she had no father, but her mother used to say … just kidding… no mother either, in fact the only thing that had come close to touching her heart was a large piece of shrapnel, that broke one of her ribs and remained lodged 3 inches away from that vital organ for 13 hours and 32 minutes before the medic pulled it out, if that wasn’t intimacy she didn’t know what was.

At the age of 10, she was plucked from the maelstrom of her everyday life stealing… eating… stealing… running… eating… searching… sleeping, a cycle of mundane theft and elusion necessary for her survival.

They had chased her for miles pounding through the streets as she ducked and dived, disappearing for a second only to reappear a few feet behind, ever present, like whips cracking at the back of her heels, urging her onwards forcing her to sprint, heart pounding, lungs heaving, straining desperately upon the thickening air that she sucked in through her gaping mouth.

The two policemen cornered her upon the docks when her legs finally gave up, extracted her from her hurriedly constructed hiding place and when she refused to move or even acknowledge her existence they looked at each other, an agitated nervy look, as though she was something repellent yet their abhorrence of such a tiny child confused them, made them nervous even fearful.

Eventually they placed two firm hands under her arms and carried her away the loaf of bread and 3 apples she had stolen still clutched in her grimy hands.

Together, the men placed her in the back of a jeep and she sat still, motionless, biding her time like a bird of prey hanging over their heads, watching the looks of unease they cast. When they asked her why she did not cry she merely looked at them her eyes glaring and defiant through her young face and they quickly shied away. These men were new, quicker and eager, wolves with the scent of blood unlike the slow plodding lethargy of the police, yet they didn’t truly know what they were dealing with.

One of the men frisked her removing a small knife from her pocket and all the pins from her hair before they placed her in a warm room with her loaf of bread, gave her some juice, some crayons and a sheet of paper before quickly leaving and locking the door with a single glance back at this troublesome child. The girl did nothing, remaining straight backed and poised as she tores strips out of the bread with tiny sharp teeth, devouring it quickly with intermittent bursts of juice. As the she heard footsteps recede down the hall the first trace of a smile flickered across her face and she moved in one fluid motion she withdraw a small pin from the loaf of bread and moved to the window.

Quickly she worked the pin into the lock working fast and smooth and the lock gave under her nimble fingers like many locks had before. She folded the piece of paper as she cast the lock aside, bending it carefully into 8 squaresand used it to flick open the catch before she slid the window up leaving a gap big enough for her to crawl through. She smiled a gloating smile of triumph and moved to the table snatching a crayon and writing in large letters upon the wall

Thanks for the juice

Before sprinting to the window and carefully sliding her head through the bars, bending her back to twist her scrawny frame through the gap till she sat upon the window ledge.

As she prepared to jump, she halted gripping the window ledge for balance as something caught her eye, a tiny flash glinting on her peripheral vision and she wheeled round. In the bottom right corner a tiny red light flashed its little beam covering the window and she bolted upright in surprise, a camera. They had filmed her and she turned to look below her dangling feet. 3 feet away from her stood the two men that had pursued her, police insignia removed from their khaki slacks standing either side of a woman.

The woman was beautiful, golden hair cascading down around her shoulder shrouding the haunting light that seemed to emanate from her face like a pure white mist. She stood tall and proud, as tall as the guardsman beside her and they shrunk into insignificance as the girl took in her armour gleaming ebony in the sunlight. The woman called out raising two gloved hands bearing a white rose upon the black cloth and her voice was musical, pure as crystal bearing its commands with a coaxing undertone of velvet warmth.

“Come down child. My name is Selene and I wish to talk to you”

The child came warily moving sidewise like a shy horse, on edge eyes wide and staring, ready to bolt. Selene took her hand, and the girl felt her flinch slightly as their fingers intertwined yet her eyes locked onto the girls and she stared hungrily within them. The child looked deep into the celestial spheres, a deep turquoise sea of pensive interest that flickered at the very edges of her soul, searching endlessly for something she did not know.

“Is she pure, my lady?”growled the soldier on her right and the girl noticed his hand was uneasily resting upon his pistol butt.

“She is far from innocent Regan but yes she still bares the purity of a babe."

“She feels repulsive, her company is painful. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was tainted by the dark powers”

“Your head is just a hat rack isn’t it Regalus?” The soldier flushed whilst his companion snorted yet his grin faded away as the piercing eyes fixed upon him and Selene’s voice sharpened becoming as piercing as a knife and twice as deadly

“Alsan, perhaps you can do better.”

The man swallowed his adams apple bobbing frantically as the cogs in his mind twisted frantically, then he relaxed and his back straightened

“Untouchable my Lady.”

“Why Alsan?”

“She has evidentially been shunned all her life and I felt anxiety around her.

Also though our repulsion could be taint based considering her police record involves petty theft and nothing more I choose to assume the prior option.”

“Very good Avery and how would we verify your hypothesis?”

Regan opened his mouth but the Lady raised a finger in warning and he closed it looking bitterly down at his feet.

“Place her in contact with a psyker my lady, our astropath for example.”

The woman nodded straightening and the child followed her stumbling over the rocky ground as she was dragged by the hand towards the jeep, and though she tried to pull away from the woman her fingers were caught in a relentless vice that strengthened as she struggled. Without a word she was bundled into the backseat next to the power armored woman and she stared around in confusion pawing frantically at the door handle, throwing her weight against the door yet it wouldn’t budge and the girls eyes widened as she panicked.

She began to punch at the windows her tiny fists rebounding easily off the glass yet still she pummeled working herself into a frenzy. She smashed the glass yet Selene never moved, never even glanced at her until the child sank back in her seat, knuckles blooming purple and blue with fresh bruises and her tiny chest heaving. Then the woman turned and opened her mouth to speak yet with a final burst of energy the child sprang forward hands balled and threw a straight punch towards her open mouth.

The sister moved easily leaning backwards so that the girls blow struck her power armour and the girl recoiled crying out a wordless moan of agony as her knuckles broke upon its surface and she curled her body to cradle her broken right hand as tears flooded her eyes, spilling over till the cascade down her pale cheeks in salty streams onto the leather below, where it mingled with the blood streaming from the shattered skin of her hand.

Gently Selene moved towards the girl concern upon her face yet she was stunned as a backhanded blow caught her straight across the face and Regalus roared in anger lunging for the girl and knocking a startled Alsan’s arms causing him to veer violently off the road as the girl curled once more eyes widening in terror as Regalus’s fist flew towards her cheek.

Yet the blow never landed as the sister moved between them her hand encasing the soldier’s in an iron grip and she pushed backwards throwing him back into his seat as the jeep clattered to a halt leaving its four occupants chests heaving, the silence only broken by the sound of their ragged breathing. Selene was the first to recover, her hair strewn around her face like a lions mane and a red wield was growing upon her cheek. Her voice was a rumble of thunder as she rounded upon the guardsman and whispered in a deadly tone

“Alsan get us going again, Regalus if you ever throw a punch at one of my girls again I will personally see to it that your days as an inquisitorial trooper are numbered and your reputation as a hotshot is crushed into the dust along with those tiny things you call testicles. Do you understand me?”

“Yes sister” muttered Regalus

“I can’t hear you, you pathetic whoreson”

“Yes sister” he roared flecks of spit hitting the windshield though his eyes were stone and his face was white with indignant humiliation.

She rounded upon the little girl who immediately closed her body rolling into a ball eyes wide in fear as she stared at the sisters face, fury etched in every line, the haunting beauty evaporating in waves of feral anger.

The terror in her eyes softened the sister’s anger and she reached for the girls hand snatching the medi kit Avery passed her from under his seat. Gently she straightened the fingers gently and though the girl winced she did not speak and her eyes were hard and cold once more as she added poultices to the bloody wounds and wound a bandage round the shattered bone. The same hungry curiosity burned in the sisters eyes and she pondered aloud

“What’s your name child?”

The girl shrugged yet her lips remained clamped shut

“You dont have a name or you don’t remember?”

The girl shrugged and made a small scribbling motion in mid air which caused the sisters eyes to widen in confusion as the girl continued to scribble, imploring the sister to understand. Avery glanced up in his rear view mirror and flipped a pen from his pocket, passing it over his shoulder to the little girl who nodded frantically snatching the paper they had left in the room from her pocket.

Sally Grost she wrote in a scruffy if legible script. Regan looked over his shoulder and muttered his face full of jeering spite

“Whats the matter with her, doesn’t she have a tongue in her head?”

The girl nodded and the sister looked in surprise as Alsan blanched.

“Open her mouth” he whispered his face whitening and teeth set as his eyes fixed upon the road.

The sister gently reached forward and prized apart the girls jaw to find two rows of sharp white teeth and a long deep blackened scar.
Selene felt the paper being pressed into her hand and she read the words the girl had carefully constructed in blood red ink.

If you have no tongue, no one can hear you scream

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig

Last edited by deathbringer; 12-14-09 at 06:12 PM.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-12-09, 06:33 PM
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A decent start to a promising story.

But....why do you need a tongue to scream?

L.

"Heresy Fiction Competition 2009 Winner"


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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-15-09, 02:55 PM
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Really enjoyed that, can't wait to read more!

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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-09, 02:15 AM
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nice Yes thats all I am saying.

"Do you see them, my Brothers? Do you see how they quake and tremble with fear? Soon, they shall know that all their fears are pale compared to the terror that will grip their vile souls when they hear the choir that is our bolters for we are veterans of over a thousand campaigns, do not come before an Angel of Death and his weaponry."


hippta243-
Inquisitor: Wait, What?!?! You mean I can finally stop pretending to be a pretentious asshole and carry out my.... "research" on Eldar and Tau females unmolested?!?! This wonderful news! Come Maria, my loyal unsanctioned psyker, we have much "research" to catch up on!

Maria: By the Emperor master, why do you always shout out heretical thoughts when your excited? Especially the part about me.

Inquisitor: .............QUICK, BACK TO THE SHIP!
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-14-09, 06:11 PM Thread Starter
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Introduction (Part 2) Born away on a Blaze of dreams

They sat allowing the silence to thicken enveloping each of them in a private cocoon of emotions, transparent and fragile yet solid and immovable. Each of them twisted their necks for stolen furtive glances as they assessed each other before turning sharply away to continue their thoughts whilst the jeep rolled smoothly away over the dusty highway leading away from the city, the metal glinting in the dying red of the twin suns that crested over the rolling dunes.

It was Sally that broke the deadlock as she sat cradling her bandaged knuckles and her eyes were tremulous with the fearful innocence of a child. There was a sudden frantic scratching as she scrawled upon the paper, thrusting it forcefully into the sisters hand.

“Where are you taking me?”

The sister turned slowly as Regalus got halfway through a long snore, choked in suprise and jerked awake reaching for the pistol at his hip. Alsan’s eyes flicked into his rear view mirror and his hands tightened slightly upon the steering wheel making his knuckles glowed pale and translucent through the shadows.

The pale blue eyes of the sister refused to meet with the girls and she started at a spot just past her ear and when Sally tapped her arm and pointed insistently at the paper yet the sister merely pointed and Sally followed her gaze and saw a small black dot upon the edge of her vision. She snatched the paper and eagerly scribbled

”What is it?”

“That is one of the valkyries of Inquisitor Stralen of the Ordo Hereticus. He is one of the largest and most successful psyker catchers in the Imperium. He has built around him a team of 45 people, varying from ex guardsman, to storm troopers and various members of the imperium that caught his eye. He is the co-founder of the Sacred Order of the Shunned Rose which specializes in finding promising psykers and untouchables to aid the work of the Ordo Hereticus. The sacred order is a secret order yet many inquisitors use it to find promising talent for there teams.”

Sally’s eyes widened and she looked in confusion at the sister, a thousand questions burning in her bright eyes

The sister looked uneasy for a moment yet she continued picking her words with care

“A psykers can tap into certain powers, better known as the warp. The Ordo Hereticus is designed to act against psykers that are tainted and use the power to harm the Imperium.”

Sallys eyes were wide and through the confusion there was a layer of eagerness, a hunger for more. She took the paper and her eyes were pensive as she wrote

“This power. Do I have it?”

“No, if I’m correct you are the opposite. You actually nullify warp energy and thus in the work of the Ordo Hereticus you are even more important.”

The pen scratched upon the paper once more and the sister looked long at the words that appeared

“So this is why you found me?”

“Actually no. We were on this planet chasing down a tainted psykers under orders from our lord. His powers were limited yet his voice had a deadly intoxicating quality that inspired leadership. We tracked him down and killed him after he fled to this planet. It was Alsan that discovered you making our trip even more satisfying.”

Alsan’s eyes flicked to his rear view mirror and he shouted above the car engine

“I was checking the records for unusual activity that may have indicated the psykers activity. I saw your name in the petty theft numerous times, each time coupled with eluded police capture. When I asked the sergeant he told me your story and I was curious. I told the sister of you and she gave permission to set the trap. Thus you are here..”

Sally opened her mouth to speak yet the sister merely pointed and as she turned her mouth never closed. The valkyries lay wings curved over its body like a gross swollen bird of prey, its hatch and tail fin arced outwards, a gaping maw awaiting there incarceration. Flames crackled and spat from the engines and the beast seemed to tremble as it struggled to raise its swollen bulk that glinted in the dusk.

Sally was dazed, awestruck as she ascended the ramp in the sisters wake, and she reached out to grip the hand of Alsan as two gigantic gun turrets swiveled to track their progress up the ramp . His fingers closed around her outstretched hand and he lead her forwards as the sister hollered above the growl of the engines

“Fucking funny, Blaze”

Alsan’s face broke into a smile as they entered the hold and his fingers tightened upon the girls hand as she shied away from the darkness that lay before her

“You’ve never seen a ship before.”

Sally swallowed and shook her head before stepping after Alsan into the gloom and she heard the hydrolics of the hatch gurgle as the ramp slid up behind her

“Blaze hit the lights” muttered the sister and the gloom was alleviated by the flare of strip lights revealing a bare hanger, 12 large chairs and a tall bearded man with flaming red hair who had already been wrapped in a tight embrace by Regalus and was currently ringing the hand of the sister. Sally stared around yet suddenly she felt a wave of fatigue that slid over her eyes causing them to slide shut and she slid forwards.

Alsan turned quickly as she slumped, catching her and pulling her into a chair and strapped her down despite her feeble protests. She struggled for a moment yet the fatigue rolled over her once more and the sight of Alsan tackling the red headed giant faded as her eyelids blocked the view.
She woke up hours later in a room, she had never seen before, bare and dank yet the bed was comfortable and she sunk back into the pillow, nestling into the warmth of the blankets. She had only slept in a bed 3 times, twice from pity and once during a particularly tranquil break in and so she enjoyed the comfort and allowed herself to drift into an enticing dreamfilled sleep.

__________________________________________________ ______________
This was more a consolidation chapter and is part of a much longer episode that I am trying to fit together. Your comments and criticism are welcome and essential for the evaluation of my writing

Thanks for your time and if you took the time your comments

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig

Last edited by deathbringer; 12-21-09 at 09:11 PM.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-14-09, 10:36 PM
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looking good mate keep up the good work

Q:What is the most Ironic death do you reckon ?
A: Umm probably having a hospital land on you

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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-15-09, 09:23 AM
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but she couldn't talk a second ago....


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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-15-09, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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damn good point i need to change that
+rep to you vivo

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-15-09, 09:52 AM
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No worries mate, thats what we're here for. Btw, I'm hooked. Looking forward to the next installment.


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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-15-09, 01:27 PM
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Your stories are improving and I'm hooked.... Woooo!!!!... REP MATE!!!!......
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