writing for evaluation
wrote this for an rp and really enjoyed writing it
Wondering if their was any way to significiantly imporve it
Must admit been ages since i was on the original works
Thanks for your time, comments really welcome
The fires burned throughout the library, no not just a library, his library, books and parchments spiralling in flames, their secrets expiring into oblivion as runic spirals of smoke and he screamed. Screamed in anger as texts he had enscribed not only on parchment but upon his mind were lost, crumbled to soot in the angry fires of absolution.
Secrets were lost and he tried in vain to hold the infinite knowledge stored within these catachombs within his brain yet they fled, dancing away upon the flames.
The wolf lord pointed and howled, exposing his neck for a second as his feral face cracked,contorting into a contemptuos learing roar. His men broke away from their heinous destruction, the eye slits of their snouted helmets lighting as they raised their fangs aloft and bayed to the skys of Prospero as they crackled and exploded with sorcerous energy causing lightening to crash down amongst the streets.
They came forth, bounding forwards sleek and swift as wolves, powerful and deadly as bulls and Rak'an allowed his fingers to once again find the groove that embraced him. The staff was cool white ivory, long and thin inlayed in golden runes that glinted in the deadly fires and embellished its haunting beauty. Its hilt seemed to go on for ever and Rak'an's eyes floated over the runes to the inlay of the eye close to the deadly blade that could shred souls.
In the centre of the blade lay a single pure crystal and Rak'an pulled upon the warp forcing the energy to run like electricity through the veins of his arm and into the stone. It dragged upon the energy, draining it like it would die of thirst and he forced it to take more, more than he could ever handle alone, twice as much, three times and the stone began to shine, burning a beautiful turquoise, blinding even amongst the fires.
It was his own, his beautiful assassin, forged in the fires of Prospero enchanted by himself, Ptah, Magnus and Ahriman. 4 of the greatest sorcerors of the age had gathered in the forges of Adept Roe and as he had worked the metal they had cast spells of unimaginable power upon the staff, cast enchantments and guided his hand in drawing the runes of protection.
It was his, a part of him and from the moment he christened it by bathing it in the pure stream of prospero it had fitted him and him alone. For now it burned and as the turquoise deepened the blade was wreathed in flames of gold and blue,whilst the stone began to crackle with electricity that rippled like lightening down to the eye.
The wolves barreled on running through the flames of their destruction and now Rak'an stepped towards them the staff extended like a lance and he was serene, at one with the lyrical music of the warp that ran, coarsing through his blood stream exciting every nerve. At 20 yards 3 combat blades slid from sheaths whilst the wolf lords power sword slid smoothly as he casually knocked a desk aside toppling parchments into the infeno. As the wolves closed in jaws ready, slavering for the kill the viper spat. A wolf dissapeared into the flames and Rak'an twisted the warp easily and the dancing orange flames began to crackle with electricity. The astartes next to him hollored a warning yet as the wolf stretched a hand from the flames clawing away from the searing heat that suddenly seared through his power armour, the electric blue flames melded and with a crackle a searing bolt of electricity flashed blasting a searing hole through the wolfs chest plate incinerating his hearts.
The wolf lord roared but did not falter barreling on yet Rak'an was in full stride now, adrenaline and warp burning together as flashes of inspiration guided his hands. His bolt pistol slid easily from its holster and he allowed the warp to seep into the bolt itself and he raised both arm and staff at the wolves either side of the wolf lord. Two searing bolts exploded into realisation colliding with two wolves, hitting one full in the chest and though the other was quicker hence was his doom for as he ducked the bolt caught him in the cranium. Chest and head wavered under the impact as the crackling inferno seared, melting through their armour with ridiculous ease.
The marines seemed to linger teetering upon the brink of mortality before head and ribcage exploded in a shower of bloodstained bone and seared flesh. Rak'an turned to the wolf Lord and his eyes narrowed as he whirled his staff in time as the huge marine leapt towards him sword swinging and an oath clear upon his lips. The ivory hilt twisted and clashed upon the power sword in a flurry of golden sparks and now a second power sword flashed in the wolf lords other hand and they dueled as blade and butt of staff met the wolf lords feverished flurry of attacks.
He ducked a double cut and reached for the warp yet he was disrupted as he was forced to roll aside to stop the feverish double stroke down , coming up easily behind the wolf lord and pressing forward smashing the butt of his staff into the turning shoulder of the wolf lord. He twisted the warp once again forcing the staff to burn with energy and their was a crack as staff and armour collided and the wolf was thrown backwards and now Rak'an was on top of him and his staff whirled and he thrust it point down into the wolf lords chest.
Yet as he reached for the warp prepared to shred the wolf lords soul he was struck hard across the face pawed casually away by the gigantic behemoth. He flew backwards crashing against the wall of the library and he struggled see through the blurring colours that flashed across his eyes.
He saw a shape moving and as his vision cleared he found a desk flying through the air towards him. It hurtled towards him and he sidestepped in a desperate attempt yet agony shot through as sudden cracks burst open in his power armour and he was crushed against the wall, unable to move blinded by unnerving blasts of agony.
He felt the wolf lord approach him and felt a deadly point of steel tremble as it was forced to touch his skin and the black clouds were removed from his eyes as the desk was kicked away and his face forced up till he could see the wolf lord's hairy bearded face inches from his own.
"You will die witch, as will all of your kind"
A huge fist appeared from nowhere and he felt his head sink 3 inches into the stone and the blade dug deep into his skin piercing it and causing a trickle of blood to spurt onto the dieing light of the crystal.
The staff began to tremble vibrating in the wolf Lords hands and the anger in those feral eyes turned to shocked terror for a moment as the golden runes began to burn searing with warpfire and the wolf lords hand began to sear in agony.
He responded instinctively pressing the staff deeper until it began to whine under the strain and Rak'an's own howl of agony was met by the wolf lords paniced roar of pain as his hand ignited and began to burn with noxious fumes.
The pain was unbearable, searing through his stomach yet the staff began to resist the agony being inflicted upon its master, refusing to move deeper and still the flames seared up the wolf Lords arm and he snarled as his skin crumbled to ashes and he renewed his assault. The forces balanced as the staff resisted and the animal pressed harder. The pain built in a crescendo in Rak'an's stomach and he reached out to clasp the staff in both hands.
The eye of Magnus was blood stained and though it burned his fingers he clasped it and he felt something, some human consciousness reach into his soul, as it basked in his masters touch and staff and soul embraced his pain. He felt the consciousness scream at his agony as the wolf Lord placed his full weight behind the staff. Their was a blinding flash of light and he felt the staff howling with insane desperation throwing him flat against the wall arms spread as the agony receeded from his side and he heard the wolf lord's breathless snarl become a choked howl of agonised pain.
He opened his eyes yet he could not move his legs as he stared around for the wolf lord his eyes flitting across the room. He looked above and vomited spewing all over his armour as his limbs trembled in horror. The wolf lord hung suspended by the beautfiful assassin that had impaled itself in his blackened and charred throat. He reached up and grasped the hilt of his staff and he gave a cry as he felt a warm tingling in his fingers then their was a sudden crack and he felt the staff break splitting at the join of his fingers and he felt a sudden explosion of psychic numbness that split his soul from his conciousness. The ashen mouth of the wolf lord loomed towards him swallowing him in its infinite depths
kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
Last edited by deathbringer; 11-10-09 at 12:23 AM.